Aaaand hello again, beautiful ladies!
'tis me, again, with a very overdue update!
Omg, Last time I poted was three weeks ago, and I was feeling a bit of a debbie-downer, and dear lord, let me tell you it all went downhill from there.
I'm doing much much better now, but I lived a few very tough weeks!
First of all, I had to go back to work. fortunately, I work from home, so dealing with the dilation schedule is not that difficult. But sitting is still uncomfortable, and I have to be sitting down in front of the computer for many hours a day.
Last week I got a stomach bug, and I was plainly miserable. My body felt so weak, I assume because of all of the stress about the surgery, and then the stomach bug. I was literally laying in bed four or five days straight. So, ladies, if you're thinking about getting GCS, and if your doctor authorizes it, please don't stop taking multivitamins! I think that helps a bit to boost the immune system while your body recovers from such a taxing surgery.
Fortunately, I am doing much better now. Yesterday was the four-week mark after my surgery, which is sooo worhty of celebration! People tell me "omg how fast" but no, no, no. To me these past four weeks lasted like four years.
My dilations are going well. It is being a tad difficult to get to the depth that I am supposed to have, but the doctor said not to worry, that little by little I can get the whole depth back, and for my own sanity I'm choosing to believe him lol.
I'm still on the purple dilator, which is the smallest one of the four-pack from SoulSource, and I think that my body is adapting to that one. I am supposed to move to the next size up, the blue one, this next Sunday, but I think I'll give myself one more week of using the smallest one, as there are some tears on the vaginal canal entrance that have not fully healed, and I don't want to risk the re-opening by starting dilating with a wider dilator.
Also, there is not as much fluid coming out of the whole vulva and vagina as a few weeks ago. There is still fluid, but not as much. I am using pads like crazy, and OMG the amount of toilet paper that I'm using lol. Literally one roll a day.
Now, I do want to talk about something really interesting that I am going through, and that I never really considered it could happen; it feels as if I am losing my identity, who am I.
I know it sounds so crazy, but, as I mentioned, these past four weeks have been so crazy and so taxing and son overwhelming. And the fact that I have not really been able to do the things that I am so used to doing, and that I love, has lead to, little by little, experience what it feels like losing the grasp of who I am. I feels like my life and my whole identity right now is dilating, and taking ages to pee because I have to clean everything so extra, and taking ages to shower because I have to wash carefully my new genitals, and sleeping a lot because I feel energy drained all of the time. And working because I have no other option. And that's it. That's been my life for the past four weeks. I can't yet go out to, let's say, a coffee shop, or to have dinner, because I still feel very uncomfortable sitting. I tried it two weeks ago and I was miserable.
So it feels like I can't do much of anything, and that's lead to this feeling of "who was I?".
Fortunately, my doctor has already given me the green light to start going on short walks, so that will help (hopefully). And my cousins and I started a book club, so that'll be a nice change of the routine.
Also, fortunately, the physical aspect and healing is going well. Every day looks more and more like a vulva, and the sensation is definitely there, as I still feel a rush of blood to the genitals every time I get up, although not as intense as last time I updated this thread. There is still a lot of swelling, so some parts of the vulva still look a tad distorted, but I think that, for being just four weeks post-op, it looks quite good. I can't wait for the three month mark, or the six month mark, when it is supposed to look better and less swollen!
And so, this is my four-week update. I know my last two updates have not been very positive, but I'm trying to keep it very honest, as some of the things I'm experiencing are things I never thought I'd struggle with, and if this helps other women prepare better for their surgeries, then it's worth it to sound like a debbie-downer lol
I guess I'll be updated every one or two weeks, or whenever I have relevant news to share, as everything is pretty monotonous so far.
Thank you all for reading, and for your comments!
Hugs,
Ally
