How to handle the feelings of shame?

[Stottie Girl]

I am dealing with the same now in therapy. My therapist did get me on an antidepressant and then took a week off so I might have been too much for her!??! I have a plan right now to start Electrolysis in October. I need to work on my Agoraphobia and be ready to start living as Tammy when not working. This will be a rough few months but I am trying to brave it out. I figure it will be increasingly hard to hide all the changes in the spring and by summer it will be impossible. I am planning to move to a new state in 2028 and that will be a fresh start for me. Its a lot but I am excited\scared. I know that the next year may be filled with people being terrible to me but I honestly don't expect much else these days. Wow a long rambling post sorry.

You and me both Tammy. It will be a year of change for the two of us. It's nice to know someone else is on a similar timeline as me. If you are definitely moving in 2028 I would try to get everything done so when you move, you move as Tammy. It would be nice to just move and make a clean break but that's not on the cards for me, I'm not as brave as you.

I think it might be October before I start electrolysis too, we might be getting zapped at the same time! What's your natural hair colour Tammy? Is laser not an option? I'm strawberry blonde with honey blonde highlights and copper undertones! This means my facial hair pops out blonde then once it gets a few mm on it it turns copper red. If I grew a beard it would be a blend of blonde and red so I have diddly squat chance of laser working! Nothing is ever easy with my stupid body ha ha!

What else have you got planned for your year?

[tammy753]

Its brown but now its gray and brown so my facial hair is too light for laser. I need to do voice training, lose weight, find a new job, tell my family and find a new place. so the next 18 months seems like a lot needs done.

[ChrissyRyan]

I went through a number of jobs since starting my journey.  I wish you the best of results.

[ChrissyRyan]

Tammy, I hope you are going OK

You talked about shame a lot. I never felt shame just embarrassment.

It's really dumb. I didn't choose my life it just was/is

I get embarrassed every time I go out as me. But if I can steady myself, I can get through it.

Today a young guy and two girls walked past me chanting "gay, gay, gay" under there breath so that I was the only person who could hear it.

I am ashamed that I didn't react but I was on my phone.  I'm not gay but I know so many people who are. ->-bleeped-<- does that matter.

I should have stopped them and stood in their faces and said can't you tell the difference between someone who is trans and someone who is gay?

Then gone on to say but how do you know if someone is straight or gay. Or even male or female or in between.   

I think there are many people think that gay people and transgender people whom they perceive to be males are about the same, all mixed up in their head, AND perhaps they are all gay in reality.  I think many think that many are gay men that dress femininely to attract men. 

So the people that were near you may be part of the group that believe this way.

[Finally Anna]

I think there are many people think that gay people and transgender people whom they perceive to be males are about the same, all mixed up in their head, AND perhaps they are all gay in reality.  I think many think that many are gay men that dress femininely to attract men.

I think you are correct about this.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

I wouldn't even credit them with thinking. Its simply learnt slurs and hatred to anyone that they deem part of the lgbt community. Gay to them is a broad term for queer / lgbt. Best thing - take it literally- you're happy and proud of your lgbt/gay association (well I hope so). It just shows their limited cognitive capability to construct a slur that actually hits hard!

[ChrissyRyan]

I wouldn't even credit them with thinking. Its simply learnt slurs and hatred to anyone that they deem part of the lgbt community. Gay to them is a broad term for queer / lgbt. Best thing - take it literally- you're happy and proud of your lgbt/gay association (well I hope so). It just shows their limited cognitive capability to construct a slur that actually hits hard!

There are many unkind people.  There are also many very nice people.
We can decide which to be.

[Lori Dee ✅]

I've had guys ask me if I am gay.

My response to anything they say is: No, why? Are you hitting on me?

[Laura Squirrel]

I think it might be October before I start electrolysis too, we might be getting zapped at the same time! What's your natural hair colour Tammy? Is laser not an option? I'm strawberry blonde with honey blonde highlights and copper undertones! This means my facial hair pops out blonde then once it gets a few mm on it it turns copper red. If I grew a beard it would be a blend of blonde and red so I have diddly squat chance of laser working! Nothing is ever easy with my stupid body ha ha!

Laser wouldn't work on me. They told me that. I did electro in another area, and the chick who did it was super cool. But she was a few counties away, and it was difficult after a while since I can't drive (safer for me and the public at large). So, I had to rely on my mother to take me back and forth. The scheduling conflicts got to be too much. So, I had to look elsewhere.

I found a local tech. But her equipment looked like it was from the 70s and her quality of work was crap. I went three or four times. I had pits in my face and whatnot. I just gave up on it.

After I had the orchi, that helped with things a LOT. However, shaving will just have to be a necessary evil. I've learned to accept it. 90% of the time, I don't care at all. But maybe the other 10% is influenced by current events.  I will say, though, that it makes it so much easier and I have zero razor burn now.

[ChrissyRyan]

I've had guys ask me if I am gay.

My response to anything they say is: No, why? Are you hitting on me?

Were they?

[Stottie Girl]

Its brown but now its gray and brown so my facial hair is too light for laser. I need to do voice training, lose weight, find a new job, tell my family and find a new place. so the next 18 months seems like a lot needs done.

Voice training, electrolysis, loose weight and orchie are my goals this year. My job I'm really happy with.

[Lori Dee ✅]

Were they?

No. They were homophobes. They were disgusted that I would think so. Taught them a lesson, though.

[Maid Marion]

I've had guys ask me if I am gay.

My response to anything they say is: No, why? Are you hitting on me?

I'll use this as opportunity to explain the difference between gender and sexual orientation.

[Laura Squirrel]

This reminded me of something. I'll put it here instead of the blog thread.

I had this genius🙄 who lived downstairs from me. I was bringing groceries upstairs, and his door opened. I don't know if this dude was just shirtless or something more. But I could see his bare shoulder. As I set the groceries down and began to unlock my door, he says: "Hey, can I ask you a question?" I look down the stairs and say: "Yeah, sure". He says: "Can I have sex with you?" I was stunned. I replied: "Excuse me???" and the dork repeated the question.

I replied. "Nah. That's fine, dude. I like women, man." He says: "Oh....well, I won't talk to you anymore. I'm sorry." I said nothing, walked inside, set my groceries down, and died laughing. I had to make a quick bathroom stop before I got the second batch of groceries because I was on the verge of wetting myself from laughing so hard.

Once I got outside, I LOST IT. LMFAO! My mom asked me: "What's so funny?" I grabbed the rest of the groceries and said I would call her once I put everything away.

Once I called her and  told her about this, she asked me: "Is he gay?" I resumed laughing and replied: "Oh, for *bleeps* sake. That's not how it is for trans chicks, and I would rather be a lesbian anyway." That made her uncomfortable because she's a bigot. Not that I gave a crap.

They still don't get it after almost 20 years. Whatever, dude. That's their ignorance to deal with.

[Petunia]

I wouldn't even credit them with thinking. Its simply learnt slurs and hatred to anyone that they deem part of the lgbt community. Gay to them is a broad term for queer / lgbt. Best thing - take it literally- you're happy and proud of your lgbt/gay association (well I hope so). It just shows their limited cognitive capability to construct a slur that actually hits hard!

Oh please don't take my comment the wrong way.

I am embarrassed by myself because of the way I look and the fact I haven't looked after myself.

I don't feel like I'm part of the community but I know so many gay people and they are really great and close friends.

If any of them had have been the target I would have really stood up to it.

I have seen people like this and how they are so tough in a group. The guy was obviously leading it. It was in full daylight with a lot of people around, I should have singled him out and asked him to explain himself.

Anyone who is that homophobic is probably trying to hide suppressed gay tendancies.

I don't want to make myself a target but with the way the world is, I have to stand up at times like these.

I hope this makes sense     

[Stottie Girl]

This reminded me of something. I'll put it here instead of the blog thread.

I had this genius🙄 who lived downstairs from me. I was bringing groceries upstairs, and his door opened. I don't know if this dude was just shirtless or something more. But I could see his bare shoulder. As I set the groceries down and began to unlock my door, he says: "Hey, can I ask you a question?" I look down the stairs and say: "Yeah, sure". He says: "Can I have sex with you?" I was stunned. I replied: "Excuse me???" and the dork repeated the question.

I replied. "Nah. That's fine, dude. I like women, man." He says: "Oh....well, I won't talk to you anymore. I'm sorry." I said nothing, walked inside, set my groceries down, and died laughing. I had to make a quick bathroom stop before I got the second batch of groceries because I was on the verge of wetting myself from laughing so hard.

Once I got outside, I LOST IT. LMFAO! My mom asked me: "What's so funny?" I grabbed the rest of the groceries and said I would call her once I put everything away.

Once I called her and  told her about this, she asked me: "Is he gay?" I resumed laughing and replied: "Oh, for *bleeps* sake. That's not how it is for trans chicks, and I would rather be a lesbian anyway." That made her uncomfortable because she's a bigot. Not that I gave a crap.

They still don't get it after almost 20 years. Whatever, dude. That's their ignorance to deal with.

I think you showed incredible resolve to withstand such a wonderfully poetic and romantic approach like that. He sounded like a regular cassanova! I think I would have been weak at the knees😂

I have mentioned on other threads that my sexuality has changed, I am interested in men and women now but primarily men. I do not remotely consider that to be gay, I consider it to be bicurious heterosexual female though I don't really like pigeon holing myself like that.