How to handle the feelings of shame?

[tammy753]

Hi, I wasn't sure if this was inappropriate or not. I grew up in an area where people actively made fun of anyone not like them. I also had parents that did not approve of people like me. I struggle with feelings of shame for existing and when I make a step toward anything that makes me happy my mind goes into assault mode telling me I will never be accepted and I look ridiculous. Yes I am in therapy but have others worked through those thoughts and did they ever stop?

Sorry is this not appropriate.

 

[CosmicJoke]

Hi, I wasn't sure if this was inappropriate or not. I grew up in an area where people actively made fun of anyone not like them. I also had parents that did not approve of people like me. I struggle with feelings of shame for existing and when I make a step toward anything that makes me happy my mind goes into assault mode telling me I will never be accepted and I look ridiculous. Yes I am in therapy but have others worked through those thoughts and did they ever stop?

Sorry is this not appropriate.

 

Yes, I have definitely worked through those thoughts. I don't think they really completely go away. You just get mentally stronger and you learn how to handle them.

I think that's actually a very common response when you take a step toward happiness. We live in a society where it takes alot of courage to do just that.

[Lori Dee ✅]

I think everyone experiences this.

Human beings naturally resist change. So, a change of any kind, whether relationships, jobs, locations, or lifestyles, can lead to second thoughts and doubt. Think of all the people who got cold feet right before getting married. It is perfectly normal.

As a member here used to say, everything you have ever wanted exists just on the other side of fear.

The key is to finally decide what you want, then set aside those doubts and go for it. It isn't easy. The hard part is making that decision.

[KathyLauren]

I can't point to a single event or learning that got me past the shame.  But one simple meditation definitely helped:  "Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter."

[tammy753]

I have therapy today and am going to bring up this topic. I have been spiraling since the long weekend. I appreciate the responses so far knowing other go through this helps.

[Stottie Girl]

I can't say I have ever felt shame over who I am. You should never feel ashamed of who you are Tammy. If people are deliberately making you feel like that, then they are the wrong sort of people to be around and you should remove them from your life wherever possible.

Of course I am terrified of not being accepted, I look in the mirror sometimes and think "who am I kidding?", I'm scared of not being able to remotely pass at all, it's what has stopped and still does stop me from living the life I am meant to. I think nearly all of us have these feelings, but you should not feel shame. This is not a peversion, you were born this way and nobody has the right to make you feel small because of it.

As a member here used to say, everything you have ever wanted exists just on the other side of fear.

This is a good mantra to live by if you ask me. If only I could pluck up the courage to act on it!

Guess what? Teenage girls go through that phase too. We all go through a gawky phase where we look embarrassingly bad but it takes time to find your style, your make up look, to achieve a feminine body. I believe I have got to a point where I might, visually at least, have a stab at passing but it has taken me years.

You will work through these feelings, You will find your inner woman and your style. It might seem like an impossible mountain to climb but you will get there, so many others before us have proven that.