I do not wear makeup. Nobody has helped me with putting on makeup, yet I seem to remember my mother putting lipstick on me. I wonder if I should trust a sixty year old memory. I am fairly certain that my sisters do not wear makeup.
I watched a video of a cos player doing her makeup, using the shading to make her nose appear narrower to more closely resemble the actress who played the role. In a different video she used the same technique to make her nose appear wider for some other costume. I realize that done properly, it can appear that there is no makeup, and still make the person more radiant. I do have the makeup, just that I'm a bit scared of making a mistake while putting it on. Perhaps too that I might not totally remove all of it when removing my makeup. Then there are the voices from the past, or my own actions, a fear of getting caught looking at makeup or nail polish. A fear of getting beat up, or getting called a sissy. Then there was my mother trying to teach me respect for women with the palm of her hand.
I need to tell my therapist why I get uncomfortable at the laundromat. It is almost like being invisible. The woman in a dress sitting on the table with her feet on the table. Something she would not do if she knew a man was there, and I fear I might get caught looking in her direction. Might go back to when I was growing up, I might get my face slapped if I noticed my sisters had breasts.
It wasn't me, it was the neighbor boy. I was at their house when the boy came in, glanced up as he passed the table, and got his face slapped. His mother was changing his baby sister's diaper on the kitchen table.
Michelle
