Athena's ramblings revisited

[davina61]

The best thing is it not! XX

[Athena]

I went to a lounge the other day with one of my girlfriends. It brought to mind the difference between my "male" mind and my female mind. First I find it hard to refer to my friend as my girlfriend because there is no romantic feelings. Also when ever I want to touch/hug someone I always ask before hand and for the most part I try to avoid contact with others period. We were there for about half an hour having a lovely time It was just my friend the female bar tender and myself but then a man walked in and I just froze. I felt really uncomfortable at first and never really went back to the true comfort I had felt earlier.

When it comes to men or even religious leaders I like to think of it in terms that I like to call the lion principle.

When you have a group of lions say 10 and 3 of them are friendly and love getting belly rubs and attention from people but the other 7 love human meat and are very aggressive. Now take 1 of those random lions and put it in a room, are you going to want to risk going into the same room.

When I used to pretend I was male I was kind of hurt by the mistrust that women automatically had towards men but now I see why. I hope to be moving to another city soon which means I have to find a new doctor and I am terrified that I will have to go with a male doctor, I am not ok with that. yes I have a male endo and I am ok with him but I also talk to his once a year, a surgeon being male again it;s only the one time but my family doctor.... Oh no I do not want a male.

[Athena]

An update.

Hopefully my inheritance from my mother will be resolved soon. Its been almost 4 years now and I am still waiting. My grandfather had mineral rights where oil was found but his share of the rights was so small it could only be divided by 2 and my mother has 2 sisters so when my grandfather passed his shares were not allocated, the money was just split into 3. Now that my mother has passed away things apparently now need to resolved. I have renounced my claim to any rights but I still have to wait until these rights are resolved.

I am hopeful that things will be resolved soon. I have a townhouse that I am interested in purchasing. If I am able to purchase this townhouse then I might be able to afford more surgeries in India. I think I going to be able to afford breast augmentation, upper and lower Blepharoplasty, rhinoplasty, eyebrow lift and brazilion butt lift also with hair follicle transplant. I am hoping to also be able to afford lip lift/augmentation and ideally voice feminization. I am nervous about what results I might get but anything is better than what the mirror shows me.

[Lori Dee ✅]

I can understand your nervousness about having a male provider. The Endo is a rare visit, and most likely won't need to do a physical exam. They focus on blood test results. For a Primary Physician, it is different. I don't want a male doing a breast exam on me.

I have been fortunate. The VA has always assigned me to female providers. And I recently found out that my new therapist is directly supervised by a psychologist who is transgender. I will get to meet them in a couple of weeks.

It never hurts to ask to be seen by a female doctor. If one is available, they will usually accommodate you. But at least by asking, you are stating your preference.

[Athena]

I remember when I received the phone number to register for a new doctor the said I can ask for a male doctor if I wanted and I said no I want a female doctor. At that time I was thinking that women have to work so much harder than their male colleges which means that they have to be better. At the time I just wanted the better doctor now it goes well beyond that.

[Lori Dee ✅]

I remember when I received the phone number to register for a new doctor the said I can ask for a male doctor if I wanted and I said no I want a female doctor. At that time I was thinking that women have to work so much harder than their male colleges which means that they have to be better. At the time I just wanted the better doctor now it goes well beyond that.

One thing that I noticed, and this is a huge generalization, is that my male doctors seemed to have a diagnosis in mind and were listening for key words that would support that decision. After starting to see female doctors, I could tell by the way they explained things that they had truly listened to what I was telling them. Women seem to be better listeners. (Just my opinion.)

[D'Amalie]

One thing that I noticed, and this is a huge generalization, is that my male doctors seemed to have a diagnosis in mind and were listening for key words that would support that decision. After starting to see female doctors, I could tell by the way they explained things that they had truly listened to what I was telling them. Women seem to be better listeners. (Just my opinion.)

My experience is the same!  I always search out female providers where I have a choice.  Males are arrogant and dismissive.  Other's experiences may be differnt.

[Lori Dee ✅]

My experience is the same!  I always search out female providers where I have a choice.  Males are arrogant and dismissive.  Other's experiences may be differnt.

Not all males. Just your own experiences with male providers. 

[Northern Star Girl ✅]

@Lori Dee  @D'Amalie  @Athena

My primary care doctor is a male and a few years ago I had a male endocrinologist.
      I have no complaints.

Not all male doctors are bad and not all bad doctors are male... likewise
  Not all female doctors are good and not all good doctors are female.

Doctors, male or female can be good or can be bad with how we perceive them relating
to our treatments and experiences.

HUGS, Danielle

---> Lori:  Exactly correct:

Not all males. Just your own experiences with male providers. 

[Athena]

Before I accepted myself as trans I noticed that I'd prefer the company of women to men. Yes I had my main group of friends whom are male but when I was playing everquest or World of Warcraft I would chat much more with women than men. Things just seemed to get worse and when I finally came out of the closet I'd have to say that I am afraid of men, I am uncomfortable around them.

[Lori Dee ✅]

Things just seemed to get worse and when I finally came out of the closet I'd have to say that I am afraid of men, I am uncomfortable around them.

That is understandable. I am uneasy around men, but that is due to PTSD from an attack I suffered in the service. I realize that not all men are bad, arrogant, or mean. So we should not generalize any group (we don't like it when they do it to us). We all have our own phobias, so it is important to clarify that we are speaking of our own perspective and experience, not bashing any group.

[D'Amalie]

Not all males. Just your own experiences with male providers. 

Take it from context.  I didn't say all males, just male providers I've run into.  Especially VA contractors.

[Athena]

Hey all sorry it's been so long I got a vpn and got blocked from Susans but recently my computer froze up and seemed to have reset my internet.

I have recently had the idea that I have both a male brain and a female brain. Growing up presenting as male society pressured me to be the one to protect, it's my responsibility to give up me seat to women and to hold doors open.
As for my female brain I can understand the fear of men, I can't even accept a drink from a strange man because of the implied obligation that comes with it. That isn't even the thought of accepting an open drink directly from the man. I was at a lounge with a friend and it was her, myself and the female bartender. I was having a lovely time until this man walked in and my mood just dropped. Were we about to be harassed when I just wanted to enjoy my Absinthe ? My female brain was happy he was flirting with the bartender, my male brain was ashamed that I didn't provide cover for her. In the end things worked out as another woman showed up and distracted the guy by flirting with him.

I don't believe that my male brain has any toxic masculinity but I hate it regardless, I'm not male. I have to let nature eventually overcome nurture