What if I'm not?

[Lilly]

Ever since I was discovered two weeks ago, something has been bothering me more and more. What if I'm not trans after all? As a child, all I knew was I was a little different. But when I hit puberty, I figured I must be a girl, since I was more interested in female activities, I hated rough and tumble play, etc. But what has been bothering me since being discovered is that, like I said above, what if I'm not trans. What if I'm just lonely? I am and have always been attracted to girls but I have literally had no contact with girls at all in my teenage life. And it makes me wonder if I had those very few articles of clothes because I was lonely. I mean I hardly ever wore them. The last time I can remember wearing them is close to 7 months ago. I honestly don't know what having female clothes I never wear could have to do with me longing for some female contact, but maybe that is the reason? I have always been nervous and uneasy around women, and maybe those female clothes were a replacement for a woman. I'm not sure if you understand what I mean by that, but it's kind of difficult for me to explain. Even if it turns out I am not trans myself, I still have no problem with transpeople.

Thanks for listening.

[Cindy]

Hi Lilly,

Don't panic. You are what you are. If you are not trans that's fine. You need to explore your feelings and that is one reason that none of us can go and get hormones etc without talking to a therapist. The therapist takes you through your feelings emotions identity etc. It is a way for you to explore your self. I'm not familiar with what happened two weeks ago. Where you found dressed in female clothing or something?
The important thing is to be yourself. There is no competition here for how trans or not you are.

Hugs
Cindy

[Silas]

If you feel like a girl, then you are. If you're not sure, you have all the time in the world to find out what you are. Be you, first and foremost. I know that's an irritating thing to say to say to a person.

Although, I have to say, hobbies don't necessarily point to gender. I like to sew, but that doesn't make me female. I don't think hobbies are gendered, generally.

Stay calm and take your time to explore your identity. No matter what it is, it's fine.

[Julie Marie]

I am attracted to women.  Pre-transition I went over two years without Julie time and very little desire to do so.  But my entire life I have wished I was born female.  And there was a knot in the pit of my stomach that stayed until I went full time female.

Just before I decided to transition I was off work for 6 weeks.  I decided I would live completely full time during the whole time off.  When I got called back to work I didn't want to return to male mode.

Do some exploring.  Test yourself.  Spend as much time in female mode as you can and see if you ever reach a point when you want to have nothing more to do with it.  See how you respond.

[Inanna]

Think of yourself ten years from now, just going through your life day to day.  Who do you see in that vision?