XXX Help Lucy Help XXX

[Lucy]

Hello once again, this may become a regular thing, I hope. Today was spent thinking about who and what I am, how and what I should tell my SO. Today was not like usual, normaly I am crying, lonley and upset, but this time it was with glee. I could move on a little just because of a few words of encouragement from all the people here in Susan's Place. THANK YOU. What a refreshing change.

I have spent the day looking for a theropist on the net, but with no luck. What should I do? Would my GP be a good person to see? I have them they allways make me feel uneasy.

many many thanks.

XXX LUCY XXX

I will be adding on to this page every now and then. Thanks

[Brianna]

Lucy,

It sounds like the dysphoria is moving into it's worst phase - the one where it encompases all your thoughts and drives you crazy until you do what you need to do to finally face it.

It's going to be rough.

It's probably best to tell the SO - but when in your best state of mind. Sadly, the majority of mariages do not survive transition.

Best of luck, sweetie. I have been there.

[Cindi Jones]

Lucy, check the phone book and call around to find a psychiatrist or pshychologist who will help you. They are usually listed by specialties. Pick one or two that look close.  If not, be blunt and ask when you call.  Make sure that the professional you see has no moral problems in treating gender dysphoria.  You can do all that all with a phone call.  ... and BTW, they can't see you nor do they know who you are when you call. So don't be ashamed on the phone!  Be upfront with the receptionist... I usually say that I'm about to make their day interesting.  It sort of breaks the ice a bit.

Cindi

[Lucy]

It's probably best to tell the SO - but when in your best state of mind. Sadly, the majority of mariages do not survive transition.

Ow my. My sate of mind... Dont go there, it really is in peices at the moment. Happy - Sad and then mad and angry for no reason. I have become unbearable to live with, even I see that. I blame the wife, tell her she drives me insane, I dont meen to but she does. I dont know if its what she is saying or what she does but she drives me insane. To be compleatly honest its probobly just me. Told here today that we have to wait to have children.  years I told her.. that should be enough time to know for sure what I want.. I HOPE...

Immmm My marrage. Well I dont want to lose that, If I decide to go into this other stuff HRT and so on then may be. But Im not going there yet. One day at a time. I love her, I really do and dont want to hurt her....

back to my mind, I cant think of any thing else at the moment, am I, arnt I. Sounds daft, even to me. The wife even tells me all the time that im a real woman. A big girl, am I reading something into that? What is going on in my head...

Sorry for going on but this really helps at the moment.
you are the only people I can talk to...

      THANK YOU
    XXX  LUCY  XXX

   ?   One more thing if I go ahead with this, passing is vital. Is it possable at 30 to start change   ?

[Kim]

Hi Lucy,
  Nice to meet you. I am IS and happily married. The survival depends on the strength and openmindeness of your SO. What I found helped us most after initialling realizing my reality is that I keep my wife in the loop of progress as I shed my persona for the lady I really am. I try to pace my progress with her comfort. Sure things move slower than others but it works for both of us. I know the destination I seek is coming but at least I'm getting there happily and with my wife in tow. As for a therapist this is an individual thing. I am at end of 1st year of my journey and outside of a few bumps I have had no problems and since all is well with me and the wife then I don't need a therapist. But that is me. I said it before but some of that could be all I got from counselling back in 92 for a major trauma I suffered, not sure how much though. Good luck Lucy,
                               Kim   
ps-if you are considering GRS then a counsellor is absolute I believe

[Lucy]

Lucy, check the phone book and call around to find a psychiatrist or pshychologist who will help you.

Thanks Cindy but who do I need and why? A pshychologist or a psychiatrist. Whats the difference?

My head is melting now, its 4 AM I cant sleep and this has taken over my whole thorght process.
I need closure or awnsers. Any thing to get it out of my mind.

[TheBattler]

Hugs Lucy,

It sounds like you need to sit back and take a big breath.

Relax as much as possible.

I Know there is so much infomation in here and it is hard to take it all in - just go at your own pace is the best bit of advise anyone can give. These issues will not be solved over night. I know it can be very consuming - when you feel it getting to much relax for a while and then come back and do some more research.

As I understand it the Psychiatrist can prescribe medication - as phsychologist is more like a cousellor. With these feelings I think find the person who best understands gender issues.

Breath again.  Relax.

Alice

[Lucy]

Alice thank you.

To be compleatly honest with you its not the information here that blowing my mind. That I can cope with. Like you said one step at a time.. Fine done.

What is hurting meis this, every time I wake up I think its been a horrible dreem and then realise this is reallity, the lies and deceatfulness. I hate...

But worst of all not knowing what to do or where to go. Not knowing who I am thats killing me.

Once I know then I can tell others but for now
Dreaming of the futore.
Where Lucy is comming out to play.

Cheers for listening

[TheBattler]

Lucy,

You have not change - you are the person you and your wife know and trusts.

It just that you have a feminine side that also needs to be recognised and cheriest. I know I have tried to push away my fiminine side and that just did not work.


So you are now in the process of recognition. Recognise you have a femine side - adjust yourself so you can live with your feminine side and hopefully bring your wife along with you. It will take time - give yourself as much time as possible make any changes as slowly as possible.

Alice

[Lucy]

It just that you have a feminine side that also needs to be recognised and cheriest. I know I have tried to push away my fiminine side and that just did not work.


So you are now in the process of recognition. Recognise you have a femine side - adjust yourself so you can live with your feminine side and hopefully bring your wife along with you.

Alice I think that you are right as far as I have a feminine side, that is true, its the mascalin side I find difficult to see. Yes physicly I am a man no douts there but inside Im just pure woman, I dont think I have much of a mascaline emotional side. Thats why I get so much torment, that is why I am hurting.



Last night I found someone to phone a Psychotherapist. I dont know if I can phone them, and at the same time know that I have to.
Its quite exciting and really frightening. ow well thats enough for now. See you soon LUCY.

Im Back I have phoned the clinic and Gender Id day is Thursday. Ow poo. I going to have to do that again.

My heart wass pounding lioke a drum that has taken steroids. Owwwww. Please let tomorrow be eisier.

   XXX  Luv Lucy  XXX

[TheBattler]

I hope all goes well at the gender clinic. I am sure all will go well - just be yourself.

I am in a bit different situation. I have always seen my male side - it is my female side that I did not see even though I have always wanted to dress. I am now coming out to myself.



Alice

[Melissa-kitty]

Don't Panic!!!
You have done much of the hard part already. Made the call and appointment, and done much hard thinking, survived a storm of emotion. Emotions pass. Part of the job of therapy is to allow you to bring the best you have to bear on this matter. You are a competent person, bright, and caring. This hasn't changed. Go in to your appointment. Be honest, though it may hurt, a lot. Don't rush things! Like any big change, you will need time to consider. Time to make changes. It's like the psychiatrist's expression, "Don't just do something. Sit there!"
Hugs and good wishes!

[Steph]

Lucy you have to settle down, there is no need to panic.  Panicking will only lead to rash decisions, and that will lead to grief for someone.  Your first step is to get into see a therapist, and at this point in time any therapist will do.  If the therapist is not familiar with gender issues, he/she will be able to refer you to one who is.

I would caution against telling your wife and family anything at the moment unless it's unavoidable, and then I would simply tell them that you are having some life issues that you need to talk to a professional about.  You need to get your head straight before you say anything that you may regret later.  Often we know what our problems are as the signs and feelings are crystal clear and undeniable, however in your case there seems to much confusion and panic and taking any action under these circumstances with out professional help could be disastrous.

Steph

[Lucy]

Thank you all for your replys. They are as you can imagine much needed at the moment. I wouldn't say I was going through a moment of confusion, I've known I was TS since I was 15 and now wished I have the courage then to have dealt with this. But I was a young testostaroned filled young man. That was the confusing time.. Didn't know what I was then, if you understand.

Now is the time for figering out what I want in life. I be the girl I know I really am and long to be or to contine living as I am. Both in my mind have many pros and cons.

I have not got a place on theropy yet. I have to phone back tomorrow and it is a Gender Issue Group theropist. There is a psyciatrist and a psycologist at these meatings avalible to see. I am frightend on the prospects of seeing these people. I feel like a freek and outcast.

You can be sure that my wife and family come first, I will not put them throu any unesercery heart-ake. I just couldnt do that. As I have said many times befor my wife knows that I am Bi and have many issues of my own. Sex has allways been difficult for both of us. I may have to tell her I am seeing someone (a theropist or doctor) but I will not be telling her why for a long time yet...

Thank you all once again..

[passiflora]

Hi Lucy, welcome to the forums, I'm farily new here also, but a pretty longtime Post-op transitioner. But anyway, you are just at the beginning and at this point I know everything looks like moutains, but slowly they will start looking like hills. If there is a gender support group in the area, you may want to start there, to start getting information and access to rescources. Also, if your community as anytyoe of center for various things, thats actually where I found my therapist. If your city has a perdiocal paper, you know like one of those alternative type papers that lists events and stuff like that, in the back these papers usually have  adds and rescources in stuff, you can look for the Mind Body and Spirit section and these sometimes list gender clinics and stuff.

also just a suggestion, psychologists and psycharists are quite a bit more expensive, and at this point, you really are not required to see one of them. My first and primary therapist was a liscensed Social Worker, who had a masters in Clinical Psychology and specialized in gender and sex related issues. She was way less expensive, and was very personable, and I felt very at ease talking with her, and she remained my primary therapist all the way up to surgery. Also she worked on a sliding scale so it really was quite a bit cheaper.

Just hang in there, you will figure all this out

-pass-

[Lucy]

Pass nice to have your input. Yes My journy has just begun and its scaring the pants of me. I live in the UK England to be more procise and I have found a NHS psychologists and psycharist, they run a group session I think but to be compleatly honest I dont have a clue. They might not even see me yet I live quite away from them. 2 hours drive. That is a little price to pay for happieness. I dont know about costs or if there  is anything more local,I will find this out when I phone them back in the morning.

If I dont get back from work to late I will drop a post and let you all know what was said.

But anyway, you are just at the beginning and at this point I know everything looks like moutains, but slowly they will start looking like hills.
-pass-

If it looks this bleek all the time I dont want to continue, might as well live in torment rather that create feer. Lest see what happens round the next corner and smile.

Thanks for your words of confidence again.
XXX Lucy XXX

[passiflora]

Lucy, it gets better, and will not always be so bleak, if you read my intro, you will see a little bit about me. I got off to a rough start also and I was very young, only 18-19. I was actually homless for a brief time, not like completly street homless, but I lived in the back of a store, from this guy I met. But I did'nt have any money, or no job, but was determined to be who I was meant to be, so I just kept at it, and it was hard, but it paid off in the end.

So just keep your chin up.

good luck,
-pass-

[Lucy]

Today is a bad day. I can feel myself slipping back into depession, im geting emotional and crying a lot. Ive had 3 days of bliss and all i can think about is the need to transition. Ive become selfish and isolated. My mascalin side has up and gone, the bitch is back. Help me, what should i do

[Maud]

as I understand it with the system in the UK:


There are gender identity clinics across the land the main one being charring cross in london, you can't be referred directly to one by a GP only a consultant therapist, I'd find out which GIC covers your area then contact them and ask for the contact details of someone who they'll accept a referral from but be prepared to be put on a very long waiting list unless you live in london or the surrounding area.

Personally I live in scotland, here you can refer yourself to the GIC and the RLT is one year but the wait time to see the GIC was two years, that's usually cut short by getting a cancelation, I got one just under two months from referal. It's a little different up here as they work with a newer version of the standards of care.

[Lucy]

I live in birmingham. May be a support group may help? What do you think?