Connecting The Present With The Past

[Julie Marie]

Tonight Sandy and I are going to a Winter Ball.  It's a charity event held by the Lesbian Community Cancer Project.  I heard about it Thursday from another friend and Sandy was able to obtain tickets through work for both of us.

When I heard about it from my friend she said she went last year and was so empowered from interacting with women on a woman to woman level.  So she's going again this year.  Then she told me where it was being held.  My heart just about jumped out of my chest!

When I was a kid I spent a lot of time at this place.  I practically grew up there.  Summers were spent on the beach, holidays were spent in the clubhouse.  I used to look forward to the annual Easter egg hunt there.  That place has so many special memories for me I can't even begin to say.

And now I'll be returning as me! 

I see this as bringing my past and present together.  When I pictured myself being there I felt this will be the event that will make my life one.  The idea of leading two separate lives will vanish tonight.  My life will have come full circle.

So many memories I have there where I imagined myself dressed in a flowing gown or pretty dress like the other girls.  So many times I dreamed of being just one of the girls and not wearing the boy clothes I had on.  Some of my earliest memories of being able to be myself I had there.  And now I'll be returning as the woman I always wanted to be. 

My hands are shaking.  My heart is pounding.  Tears are welling up in my eyes.  This will be the most magical evening of my life.  This is not simply a hope.  This is something I know.

I told Sandy to please bear with me if I am too chatty. 

I can't wait.

I'd better go now.  I've got some things to do to make this an evening I'll never forget.

Julie