I'm Scared of HRT.

[Kate]

I just worry about HRT somehow turning me, against my will, into some romance novel reading, chocolate eating, fake-blonde...

Ya know, come to think of it, this is exactly the much-desired fantasy of an entire "forced feminization" subculture of erotica out there...

Kate

[Tak]

I just worry about HRT somehow turning me, against my will, into some romance novel reading, chocolate eating, fake-blonde...

Ya know, come to think of it, this is exactly the much-desired fantasy of an entire "forced feminization" subculture of erotica out there...

Kate

Seriously? I find that very confusing.

[Kate]

I just worry about HRT somehow turning me, against my will, into some romance novel reading, chocolate eating, fake-blonde...

Ya know, come to think of it, this is exactly the much-desired fantasy of an entire "forced feminization" subculture of erotica out there...

Kate

Seriously? I find that very confusing.

I'm guilty of indulging in it during my 20s-30s. Not becoming a bimbo or anything, but pretty much being forced into being a normal woman living a normal woman's life... like a forced body swap with some random woman.

Some theorize it has something to do with the mind trying to find a way to transition via imagination, especially by removing all guilt and blame for having it happen. And/or it's the mind trying to find a way to feel it's female sexuality. Or... oh who knows?

BUT, this is why the autogynaphilia theory really caught my attention. There are certainly aspects of it which apply to me, though there's no way to know what causes what. Luckily, my TSism feelings were there in my earliest years, with the erotic feelings only coming on around puberty, so it's not like I want to be a girl BECAUSE it's a turn on.

In the end though, it just doesn't matter anymore. The need is what it is regardless of the explanation. I'd rather transition and discover years from now, "oops, I guess it was all an erotic fantasy!" then waste the rest of this lifetime away trying to explain it all, looking for that 100% gauruntee that just isn't ever coming. I *must* address this question before I die, even if I don't like the answer I find.

Kate

[Melissa]

I find that interesting.  As a young teenager (perhaps pre-teen), I would daydream about being able to magically swap bodies with a girl (I'd feel guilty thinking that she had to have my body though) and this had absolutely no sexual connotation to it.  In my imagination all I did is go around and do the daily things of this person.  I did not realize thoughts like this were not normal and thought all guys had thoughts like this.

Melissa

[Kate]

I find that interesting.  As a young teenager (perhaps pre-teen), I would daydream about being able to magically swap bodies with a girl (I'd feel guilty thinking that she had to have my body though) and this had absolutely no sexual connotation to it.  In my imagination all I did is go around and do the daily things of this person.  I did not realize thoughts like this were not normal and thought all guys had thoughts like this.

Me too, though the fantasies evolved over the years, getting more and more complicated. I got around the guilt of imposing a male body on her by assuming she WANTED it, was basically a f2m (though I didn't know about them at the time). Or eventually it was her slipping me a magic pill, magic spell, or whatever. Medical emergencies or mistakes where brains were swapped. You name it, my imagination found a way. The eroticism crept in much later, though even then, it was never about playing with body parts or anything, it was the situation itself somehow, being accepted as a female... and only MUCH later (young adulthood) did it start including sex with men.

I dunno, it's almost hard to remember now, as I'm SO different personality-wise, I've lost the context and motive for why I thought the way I did back then. I still don't understand the convoluted motives for all that, but I DO know that when I fell apart a year ago, and realized I was going to have to DO something about all this, everything SHIFTED into a new context, and sorted itself out, and suddenly ALL "coping" methods became useless... including those fantasies.

Kate

[Omika]

Oh, yes.  Yes yes.

I loved fantasizing about exactly that when I was young.  The eroticism crept in fairly early for me (and is still there, I'm a very sexual person), but I don't really feel badly for it.  To be honest, I'm very frustrated.  Who wouldn't be?  Every time I've had sex with this other body it feels ick and blah and goodlordIneedtogetawayfromhere.  However, in my fantasies (with, say, my history teacher for example), the mere thought just makes my chest flutter.

Something right, there.

[Tak]

Actually I have a FtM friend outside of this board, and he and I once jested with the thought of brain transplants. Truth be told, I'd not wish this body on anybody. I'm allergic to everything under the sun and can't do much of anything without having serious asthma attacks, control medication doing so little to help that it isn't even worth taking. I'm prone to tons of illness, too, but I don't want to sound like a whiny so-and-so... cause... :] With the prospect of change coming soon, I'm feeling pretty darned happy!

[Melissa]

I got around the guilt of imposing a male body on her by assuming she WANTED it, was basically a f2m (though I didn't know about them at the time).

Oh yeah, that's another thing.  I didn't think anybody would actually "want" a male body because I certainly didn't.  I thought of males as the unlucky ones and we just had to live with it.  I mean who would want a body that I found to be totally disgusting?  I had this very complex set of misconceptions that helped me get by for years.

Melissa

[seldom]

Actually, I started to get thoughts when I was 11 or 12, but I did not think about the reasons why much.  The whole thing with somebody who is 5-8 is more rare than anything else.  For quite a few people the first thoughts creep around puberty because that is when gender becomes more important, and the incongruity becomes more defined.   

I cannot wait to start HRT.  There is no fear about what will happen.  I am not sure how my interests will change...because they are already pretty feminine.  So how are they going to change even more.   

Of course my interests tend to skew a bit twee, especially with regards to music.  It is all pretty soft and quite, and more often just really cute.  The thing is I always wondered if I was attracted to the indie pop sub-culture because it did skew a bit more feminine in the first place.

The thing is I am not even on HRT, and I love chocolate, I listen to cute indie pop music, I love craft fairs and I am a sucker for any movie that can make me cry, especially old black and white ones. 


I play videogames on occasion, but pretty rarely.  I guess final fantasy or something on my DS. 

I keep asking myself, how is this going to make me more feminine in terms of interests.  The thing is with me, is this cutesy side will come out a bit more, and but the reality is I know it will help me be more comfortable wit myself, which is really what HRT is for.    I will have less fears about going out.   

I think HRT is a vehicle to help unlock your true self a bit more.  I personally have no anxiety about it other than what am I going to do at work when changes become really apparent.       

Don't worry about your interests changing.  That will happen throughout your life anyway with or without HRT.