A compelling argument

[a.n.pesch]

How do you explain your convictions of your transsexuality logically?

I ask because I rely on logic for everything. After all, if your reasoning is logical, counter-arguments are easy to deal with, right? I feel that if I could infalliably and clearly lay out to my parents why I'm a transman and why, even so, I'm no different from the child they've raised their whole lives, then maybe it wouldn't be such a difficult transition for either of us.

My parents aren't /not/ open-minded. But if I simply waltz up and tell them I'm psychologically male, they'll try to argue that I'm wrong. They did the same thing when I told them I was attracted to women, and the compromise I finally had to draw to satisfy them was that I would 'remain receptive' to being attracted to men. Since then, we haven't really mentioned it.

But I know I can't move any further along in the transitioning process without telling them, and I know that the best way to build up an argument is to get farther along in the transitioning process. So I feel.. stuck.

Thus is sort of half-rant, half-plea for advice. Does anyone have any resources that might help me in convincing them?

[Cen]

Well, first off, don't compromise.  Logically, no one can determine what you find attractive but you.  With gender identity it isn't that different.  While there are criteria for diagnosing it, it is all about what is happening inside.  If they think they know what's going on in your head better than you do, they are being irrational.

To help convince them you can cite reliable medical/mental health-related sources, attempt to educate them, and explain how it has been a problem and why it needs to be corrected.  The mere fact that you consider your gender identity to be male should really be proof enough for an open-minded parent to get you to a therapist.  Whether or not they accept the sources or your own feelings comes down to how open-minded they really are.

The main sources I know of are the DSM from the APA, and the SOC from WPATH, but I'm sure there are others.  The AMA and APA also both have text supporting the necessity of treatment for trans-individuals.

http://www.wpath.org/

[justmeinoz]

I'd suggest finding all the medical evidence you can, and using that too show that being trans is a medical problem. Once you can show that it is not possible to modify your brain wiring,  you can perhaps get them to see that all that is left is working on the body.   
Trying to  get your body to match as closely as possible to the person you feel you are, will at least let you live a life that is not dominated by depression and all sorts of other problems.
Hope you can find some good stuff in the Wiki here.
Karen.

[Rabbit]

Personally, I think trying to argue really being the opposite gender is a bit too far a distance for most people to follow along with.

So, instead I simply leave things up to them to decide.

"I'm just replacing testosterone with estrogen. Does that make me a girl? What is really happening? My skin is softer? I am more emotional? A little extra fat? Are those the things that makes a girl?"

People around me know that I am trans, but they see me as male. I am still early(ish) in transition, and expect as I start to look more and more female... they will slowly adjust to the change and begin seeing me the same. I'm not trying to say I am male or female...just leaving it up to them to decide (because, really, it doesn't make a difference to what I am doing). Really, if you INSIST on being treated and called female things (when MTF) and you still look male... you will only alienate those around you and make them uncomfortable. If you are relaxed and casual about it "call me whatever you want haha, it isn't a big deal" ... then you can move on to other stuff, like going to see a movie or hanging out or all the other aspects of life.

[Fighter]

Honestly? I've been having a lot of trouble with this myself. I've recently decided to take on a stance of, "It's not something you can understand, and it's not something I'm trying to make you understand. But it is something I want you to respect, whether you agree with it or disagree with it."

I'm pretty sure any parent would try to argue with their kid about something like this. Heck, even my mom who I consider to be a very open-minded person (especially for her age) kept on telling me that I'm "on the edge" and that I "go through phases". Sometimes you just gotta lay down the hammer and, as other said, tell them that nobody knows you better than yourself.

Hope that helps. Good luck getting things sorted out!

[Julie Marie]

When asked why I am the way I am, I have often responded by asking, "What is your favorite color?"

Whatever the reply I respond with, "Why that color?"

And I get a lot of answers.  Then I say, "I don't get it."

And I get a lot more explanations.  And I keep saying, "I don't get it"... until they do.

Maybe if we knew exactly how the human mind works and how each tiny bit of information introduced through the senses is processed and how each of those bits affect the person individually and collectively, we might begin to come close to explaining why we are the way we are in a logical and understandable way.  But we're a long way from that.

Rather than relying on your logic making sense to someone else, you could instead just accept.  A bee lands on you and stings you for no apparent reason.  You could spend hours, days, weeks, months or a lifetime trying to figure out what caused the bee to sting you.  Or you could just say, "It's a bee.  It stung me," and move on.

The problem with trying to use pure logic to win an argument is you have to have enough knowledge about the subject that you can apply logic in a sufficiently compelling way so as to convince your opponents they are wrong and you are right.  And most people have their own definition of logic.  "Being unhappy with your birth gender just isn't logical."  To some, that's all it takes.  Tough sell.

That's why the concept of acceptance appealed to me.  I've always relied on logic as my guide.  In this case, I found it most logical to simply accept who I am and accept others for who they are.  Then I can live my life in peace.

[umop ap!sdn]

There's enough evidence around from scientific studies. I think if an open minded person is presented with these, they'll come around sooner or later.

Many parents have a hard time coping because they feel like they are losing their daughter or son. They need help to understand that they're not losing or gaining anyone, that this is the way you've always felt and you're the same person you've always been, only with a more congruent exterior.