Non-Binary Introductions

[Ariel]

I am so happy this place exists! I am female-bodied, and I've always been okay with that... except those times I haven't. I ignored those times though and wrote them off as being part of being bisexual.

I've always struggled with gender roles, though. I like a lot of things that are traditionally "male"... I tend to identify more with men, am more comfortable with my male friends, etc.... except that I also will identify with women in fiction, say. Sometimes. Not always. "Do I identify with this person or not?" seems less gender-based for me than generally personality-based. I like clothing of both genders, I tend to dress in a mix. I really loved going out with my ex-girlfriend and playing the "male" role, but I really love going out with my husband and playing the "female" role. My ideal work is in a heavily male-dominated area (astronomy) and almost every "person I look up to" is male but I identify far more with my mother than my father.

What I'm getting at here is that through my life I've always felt like I was somewhere... in between, not quite fitting with men or women. But I'm not bigender, really. I don't feel like "both," really, I feel like "neither" or "somewhere in between." In the fiction I write there are a lot of people who are fluid in gender and the societies I make up are far less rigid on gender roles than ours. I seem to get along best with people who are somewhere in between--whether femme gay men or butch lesbians, trans* folks, genderqueer, etc. When I don't have to be "one or the other" I can just relax and be me.

For a while I thought this was all just a product of the fact that I am on the autism spectrum--a lot of autistics don't fit neatly into the gender binary, especially autistic females because of social blindness females aren't "supposed" to have. But then I've been having fantasies about being male recently... but I'm comfortable being in the body I'm in... most of the time, like I said. And all the discourse I'd heard about gender identity was around FtM or MtF so I went desperately looking to see if I was just crazy or what.

I don't quite know what to do at the moment, or what I need to do, but I'm glad somebody else in the world is in some sort of similar place. I'm lucky in a way that I have a very accepting family and a name that could be either male or female (my parents were going to give me the same name regardless of my sex), but this is all extremely new so I'm... feeling it out.

Sorry to ramble; I'm prone to that. I don't know how much I'll post but I felt like I needed to say something to somebody. 🙂 And as accepting as people are I have a lot of social fears that I know are unfounded--what's going through my head right now is "what do I tell my husband?" Logically I know it'll probably be fine but emotionally I'm terrified of rejection or mis-communication. I think it's time to go looking for topics on that to see what others have done...

[suzifrommd]

Welcome Ariel.

Though I'm male-bodied, I have a lot of the same issues. It was fantasizing about having a female body that brought me to Susan's.

You'll find a lot of the people here are on the autism spectrum or have social adjustment issues.

I hope you find what you're looking for here.

[Carbon]

I'm one of them autism spectrum people. We really are gradually taking over the internet aren't we?

Welcome though. Personally, I identify with MtF people a lot, but... if I was born with a female body, would I be totally happy? I think I would be like you and still not feel quite at home, even though I could handle it and be more or less happy (can't tell the "gatekeepers," that, though. they'd take as a lack of commitment)

And of course gender roles just make no sense any way you cut it....

[Kathy]

Hello, I'm Kathy, I'm a androgyne, that means, I like to wear, use, and act as a woman, but in the other side, I act in my normal life as a man, that's what androgynes are half and half, the only thing if if it it helps, is that I'm enjoy both sides, when I can I'm act as a woman for days, and when the times come to return to reality, I act as I was born, I wish of course be born as a female, what happens this to us, I don't know yet, but enjoy what you are, God will bless you any how, if you are good with your self and with the others around you

[Emerald]

Hello, I'm Kathy, I'm a androgyne, that means, I like to wear, use, and act as a woman, but in the other side, I act in my normal life as a man, that's what androgynes are half and half, the only thing if if it it helps, is that I'm enjoy both sides, when I can I'm act as a woman for days, and when the times come to return to reality, I act as I was born, I wish of course be born as a female, what happens this to us, I don't know yet, but enjoy what you are, God will bless you any how, if you are good with your self and with the others around you

Kathy, you seem to be confusing 'Androgyne' with 'Bigender'.
Androgynes are not Bigender. Bigenders are not Androgyne.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bigender 🔗
I hope this information is helpful to you!
-Emerald

[Jamie D]

Kathy, you seem to be confusing 'Androgyne' with 'Bigender'.
Androgynes are not Bigender. Bigenders are not Androgyne.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bigender 🔗
I hope this information is helpful to you!
-Emerald

Emerald, "androgyne" is a big umbrella.  It comprises all of the non-binaries.

I think the bigender definition you  pointed to would be what I call "genderfluid."  Am I missing something?

The very root words in androgyne suggest the blending of the genders.

[Jamie D]

Ariel - glad you came.  I hope it will help you better discover yourself.

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[Emerald]

Emerald, "androgyne" is a big umbrella.  It comprises all of the non-binaries.

I think the bigender definition you  pointed to would be what I call "genderfluid."  Am I missing something?

The very root words in androgyne suggest the blending of the genders.

Jamie D, I know what an Androgyne is, what a Bigender is, and what GenderFuid means... and I know how each of these differs from one another. I suggest you seek to understand the differences too. Gender is a rather important subject on this website.

Also, as new forum moderator, it would be prudent for you to read this thread:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=22474
Here you will discover, without uncertainty, that Androgyne is not an umbrella term.
An Androgyne is a person... a person of a specific gender type.

Hope you find this to be of help, JD.
-Emerald

[Nero]

Jamie D, I know what an Androgyne is, what a Bigender is, and what GenderFuid means... and I know how each of these differs from one another. I suggest you seek to understand the differences too. Gender is a rather important subject on this website.

Also, as new forum moderator, it would be prudent for you to read this thread:
http://https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,22474.0.html 🔗
Here you will discover, without uncertainty, that Androgyne is not an umbrella term.
An Androgyne is a person... a person of a specific gender type.

Hope you find this to be of help, JD.
-Emerald

Hi Emerald,
The link you posted isn't coming up for me. Regardless, Jamie D. was correct in that this androgyne forum functions as the umbrella for different non-binary genders here.
I think we need to be careful defining people and behaviors. Kathy's post sounds not unlike many self-identified androgynes here.

[Emerald]

I think you will find the link in working order now.
-Emerald

[torn]

 Just joined, this site is very inspirational. Without going into detail all the evidence suggests that I am psychologically androgynous or an androgyne, a term I learned from this site which I like a lot, and there is a link between this and over a decade of depression and I need to accept this. I am doing a few simple things to look not quite as masculine so I will feel comfortable with my appearance matching the way I feel and act again, really nothing drastic, and getting over terrible fears such as embarrassment that people will notice displays of femininity at times. While a heterosexual male, there are countless clues that I am psychologically an androgyne, and I actually don't have a choice about this if I want to be happy.
I enjoy reading peoples' posts on here, it is very encouraging.

[suzifrommd]

and getting over terrible fears such as embarrassment that people will notice displays of femininity at times. While a heterosexual male, there are countless clues that I am psychologically an androgyne, and I actually don't have a choice about this if I want to be happy.
I enjoy reading peoples' posts on here, it is very encouraging.

Welcome torn. I'm also a straight male, been posting here for a couple months, and I've felt very welcome.

I like what you said about getting over fears and embarrassment about not acting masculine all the time. That's a battle I'm still fighting with myself. I'm giving myself permission to act more feminine when I feel that way but I don't want people to feel uncomfortable and I'm still not comfortable with it myself.

[Jamie D]

Jamie D, I know what an Androgyne is, what a Bigender is, and what GenderFuid means... and I know how each of these differs from one another. I suggest you seek to understand the differences too. Gender is a rather important subject on this website.

Also, as new forum moderator, it would be prudent for you to read this thread:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=22474
Here you will discover, without uncertainty, that Androgyne is not an umbrella term.
An Androgyne is a person... a person of a specific gender type.

Hope you find this to be of help, JD.
-Emerald

Thank you for your response, Emerald.

I take a more expansive view of the term "androgyne," as the term has grown over the years to accommodate a wider group of people.  When first used, "androgyne" was synonymous with "hermaphrodite."  Then it became used to describe all intersex conditions.  Then, to describe gender identity.  And so on.  It has evolved.

"Androgenous" as I use it is best summed up as"

1. being both male and female; hermaphroditic.
2. having both masculine and feminine characteristics.
3. having an ambiguous sexual identity.
4. neither clearly masculine nor clearly feminine in appearance.

(Dictionary.com)

This is essentially the same meaning as the one posted by Susan five years ago.

I appreciate, however. that there are nuances in the terminology.

[Jamie D]

Just joined, this site is very inspirational. Without going into detail all the evidence suggests that I am psychologically androgynous or an androgyne, a term I learned from this site which I like a lot, and there is a link between this and over a decade of depression and I need to accept this. I am doing a few simple things to look not quite as masculine so I will feel comfortable with my appearance matching the way I feel and act again, really nothing drastic, and getting over terrible fears such as embarrassment that people will notice displays of femininity at times. While a heterosexual male, there are countless clues that I am psychologically an androgyne, and I actually don't have a choice about this if I want to be happy.
I enjoy reading peoples' posts on here, it is very encouraging.

Hi, torn

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[Metal Stuart]

Hi Im Jesse or Stuart, either name works for me. I use Jesse in my day to day life, at work and such, as it's neither a socially considered masculin or feminin name, but I have lately been drawn to the name Stuart and have been trying it out here and there.

I consider myself genderqueer or genderless but I am still feeling my way around these terms since I first heard about them about a year and a half ago.

Currently doing a lot of reading on transitioning and discovering what aspects I do and do not want to change.

Other then that I'm your average friendly metal head who likes body mods, music, art and nothing more then a morning snuggle with my cat (doing that as I type  )

I look forward to learning a lot of stuff here

[Marcia]

Hi you can call me Mark or Marcia.
     
I was born male but at times think I should be female. So either name will work.

Growing up I played with the guys but wanted to talk with the girls more but they always just saw me and treated me as a guy. During puberty most days I wished that I would turn into a girl. But then I somehow grew out of it or just turn that part of my mind off. A number of years later those feelings came back but again after a time they stopped. Then a couple of months they came back again but this time I instead of blocking them out I am embracing them. I can now see how blocking that side of has hurt me socially and emotionally. So lately I have started to explore my female side and starting to enjoy it. There are days where I wake up and feel like I am a male and then by the time I go to bed I will feel like I am a female. Then there are other days where I can go the whole day feeling like I am a female. Those days aren't bad the days that I hate are the days where it feels like I am caught in a storm and don't know what I am I just have a bad headache. There are also days where the male side and the female side will argue with each other over what I am those really give me headache that aspirin wont help.

[suzifrommd]

Welcome Mark/Marcia. Sounds like your background and mine were similar. I tend to want to be friends with females despite being male bodied, and I also spend time wishing I could have been born a woman.

Allowing myself to face these feelings has been a freeing experience.

Enjoy Susan's. I've found it to be very accepting.

[Marcia]

Thanks agfrommd. While looking over the posts it looks like every is very friendly.

[Gemma]

Hello Dahlings,

My name is Shannon. Born fem gaymale. Always secretly wanted to be a girl but I also did boy things. Later in my adult life I begin to transition into a super fem appearance. Now everywhere i go even on a not so fem day Im still called she, her, Ms or maam. But I am very aware that I was born male & dont want srs surgery but I enjoy almost living as a woman. So am I androgyne?


Anyways high fashion I breathe, luvs it celebrity gossip & i happly endulge in herbal relaxation. My dog Barbie is a diva. I love to socialize & learn about life. Very spiritual christian & my grandma is my best-girlfriend

[suzifrommd]

So am I androgyne?

Welcome to Susan's, Shannon.

Only you can answer that question, but the way you describe yourself it certainly could fit. Sounds like you're not comfortable identifying with either of the two binary gender options.

Stay and post. The people here are very accepting.