Why do some trans-people have a more positive attitude than others?

[Jeneva]

I'm a generally upbeat and positive person.  I went through a bout of depression some years ago related to guilt, denial, and repression of being transgender, but I've grown into it.  I am transgender, I own it, I enjoy it.

You have UNDERSTOOD (or grok-ed if you want) that you are not an oak, but rather a willow.  The oak tries to withstand all the weight of the snow, but a willow bends and it all falls off.  An oak can withstand much more pressure than a willow so a willow pretending to be an oak will fail faster than a true oak.  There is no wrong in accepting you are what you are.

Another tool: doing things that make me feel good.  Like, duh?    When I can help someone help themselves through a problem, I feel good.  When I can make others laugh, I feel good.  When I make something others enjoy, I feel good.  When I reach a goal I set for myself, I feel good.  When I learn and grok something new, I feel good.  Do good, be good, feel good.

The Divine is in and around us all.  When you help others (even yourself), the Divine helps you. (golden rule/karma/three fold law)

Yet another:  I try to find beauty in all things.  There is beauty in a child crying.  Pure, honest emotions are beautiful.  If I open myself up and look hard enough, I can usually find something beautiful about nearly anything.

Again the Divine is in and around us all.  When you seek it out how can you not be touched by its purity.

But all the same, it might give some food for thought to some people, perhaps even a chance to experiment a little –for example the next time you come across a situation where your 'normal' reaction would be an adverse one, try saying to your 'self' "I don't really mind this, it's not that bad, in fact I kinda like it !" and see how your sense of well being is affected...But I would suggest starting with a mildly adverse situation first and then build upon it...I guess this is where the ole "fake it until you make it" comes into play...

Oak/Willow
You've already mentioned mindfulness.
You've also mentioned Wu Wei to one of my older posts.

Take your above example of resisting some situation and saying I don't mind it isn't that bad.  Now lets translate it to falling into a river from a raft

You can either fight hard to swim back to the raft, or you can allow the water itself to carry you away and exert your strength to steer to a safe harbor (side creek, bank, branch, etc.)

But then again I'm in a particular esoteric mood now because I am planning out my ritual of gratitude for the skill of my surgeon and the rapidity of my healing.

[Felix]

I think too that a lot of us see ourselves as hopelessly unpassable and that weighs heavily on our minds.  I try to keep a pretty positive attitude, even on a day when nothing goes right. But even I've gotten a bit depressed when I've seen some of the girls on here and how pretty they are. But I keep telling myself that it's only been X months and I'll shine with my own light. I just have to work hard and be patient. Nothing worth having ever comes easy. ^_^

Sometimes I get frustrated when I see other transmen, here and elsewhere. Whether I ever look like them or not, I'm pretty happy to finally just be myself.

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Zenda,
Thank you for a very thought inspiring question. In response, because:

1) I choose to

2) It can put a smile on other peoples faces.

3) It's a known fact, a positive attitude stimulates the right endorphines to maintain good well being.

4) It takes less energy being positive, and more energy to be a 'grump.' I ought to know; I was one.

5) It does reduce the duration and severity of 'the Dark Times' and speeds recovery.

6) It reduces fatigue, allowing one to create, inspire and achieve more.

Thank you so much for the opportunity to express my thoughts.

Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine

[Anatta]

Oak/Willow
You've already mentioned mindfulness.
You've also mentioned Wu Wei to one of my older posts.

Take your above example of resisting some situation and saying I don't mind it isn't that bad.  Now lets translate it to falling into a river from a raft

You can either fight hard to swim back to the raft, or you can allow the water itself to carry you away and exert your strength to steer to a safe harbor (side creek, bank, branch, etc.)

But then again I'm in a particular esoteric mood now because I am planning out my ritual of gratitude for the skill of my surgeon and the rapidity of my healing.

Kia Ora Jeneva

Life's a blank canvas and the mind's the palette and paints and ones thoughts the brush strokes...We are all born with the ability to paint [佛性] but some have yet to master the art...隨大流  Life is just life, so just "Go with the flow!" And enjoy it, don't waste it !

Metta Zenda

[Kreuzfidel]

I can only speak for myself, but a great deal of my tendency to default to the negative is attributed to habit.  Even though I thought little of my CBT sessions, my therapist did manage to draw my attention to this habit - it helped me to be mindful of my reactions and to purposefully substitute a positive in place of a negative.

[Anatta]

Hi Zenda,
Thank you for a very thought inspiring question. In response, because:

1) I choose to

2) It can put a smile on other peoples faces.

3) It's a known fact, a positive attitude stimulates the right endorphines to maintain good well being.

4) It takes less energy being positive, and more energy to be a 'grump.' I ought to know; I was one.

5) It does reduce the duration and severity of 'the Dark Times' and speeds recovery.

6) It reduces fatigue, allowing one to create, inspire and achieve more.

Thank you so much for the opportunity to express my thoughts.

Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine

Kia Ora Catherine,

You're welcome...And you be safe and happy too ! [And that's an order !  ]

Metta Zenda

[Anatta]

I can only speak for myself, but a great deal of my tendency to default to the negative is attributed to habit.  Even though I thought little of my CBT sessions, my therapist did manage to draw my attention to this habit - it helped me to be mindful of my reactions and to purposefully substitute a positive in place of a negative.

Kia Ora Kreuzfidel,

It becomes easier once you make it a 'habit' !

Life's just a 'force of habit'-ones just got to choose their habits wisely ...

Happy Mindfulness 

Metta Zenda

[Catherine Sarah]

Kia Ora Catherine,

You're welcome...And you be safe and happy too ! [And that's an order !  ]

Metta Zenda

Yes Ma'am     

[Anatta]

Kia Ora Happy People !

Now lets hear it...One Two Three...."If You're Happy and you know it".......



Metta Zenda

[Anatta]

Yes Ma'am     

Kia Ora Catherine,

Do as you're told and don't answer back !

Metta Zenda

[Keaira]

Sometimes I get frustrated when I see other transmen, here and elsewhere. Whether I ever look like them or not, I'm pretty happy to finally just be myself.

Felix, you should be proud. I honestly never thought you looked like anything but a guy right from day one. Take that as you will but I've seen some guys starting out and they look 14-16 years old. You look like a typical adult male and your posts say as much. I think having a child can tend to make you grow up even if you don't want to. So, I'm glad you're finally starting to see yourself the way I have: Just a guy.  And if you start getting depressed, you can tell yourself, "Suck it up! you're a man!"
But yea, there are some girls here that make me want to bash my head on the table for not transitioning sooner. But I have no real regrets. I'm older, wiser and still don't look my age. ^_^

[Cindi Jones]

I grok being happy. I put a smile on and sometimes have to pretend. But even pretending lifts my spirits. When I perform, I perform as though I'm having the time of my life, even if I feel crappy. People often tell me that I've got to be the happiest person on stage. That in itself makes me feel all the better.

Most of us deal with depression. It's a classic symptom of GD. Like faces, everyone's experience is different. I'll be honest. It's something I fight. I keep myself busy and try my best to interact with othe people. That's what works for me.

Chin up!
Cindi

[Catherine Sarah]

Kia Ora Catherine,

Do as you're told and don't answer back !

Metta Zenda

Yes Ma'am

           

[Anatta]

Kia Ora and thanks for your interesting replies,

In theory when one has finally transitioned that should be a major weight off ones mind, in other words freeing it up for more pleasurable experiences...

Sadly however for some this does not appear to be the case, their negative thought pattern[which they continually reinforced prior to and during their transition] seems to be so entrenched, that they continue to seek out/focusing more so upon the negative even after finally completing their transition...

It's possible that if one can start to see the positive prior to and during ones transition[for example finding things to laugh about-not taking life too seriously], there's a good chance this will carry through to when they have completed it...

The only thing I tend take serious in life is my quest for happiness and to try and make others happy along the way !



Metta Zenda    

[Anatta]

I grok being happy. I put a smile on and sometimes have to pretend. But even pretending lifts my spirits. When I perform, I perform as though I'm having the time of my life, even if I feel crappy. People often tell me that I've got to be the happiest person on stage. That in itself makes me feel all the better.

Most of us deal with depression. It's a classic symptom of GD. Like faces, everyone's experience is different. I'll be honest. It's something I fight. I keep myself busy and try my best to interact with othe people. That's what works for me.

Chin up!
Cindi

Kia Ora Cindi,

It would seem it's partly a case of 'fake it until you make it', that is, getting those 'feel good' chemicals fired up in the brain when you're performing...However there also must be some 'truth' in your happiness when you're on stage-other wise people would see right through you !  And remember Cindi life's a stage....

Metta Zenda

[annette]

Kia ora Zenda.

Because my life is like a party.
So, there is no reason to be negative, I do have all I wished for.
I have good friends, family, a nice place OT live, nice work which I love to do, acceptance and the most important, I am healthy.
Could anybody be negative with all this?
I always try to look to the bright side of life, something like...okay, it is not going good now, so it can only become better.
When I have a goal, I am like a pitbulldog, put my teeth in it and I won't relax my jaws till I achieved that goal.
Yes, the future looks bright and once when this life is coming to an end, I can say....it was great, it was worth living it, sometimes it was fighting but hey....I love to fight.

Hugs
Annette

[Keaira]

Another thing to do is keep good company. It's no good being around people whom you don't feel comfortable with because then you are always on guard. And you're stressed. So if you have some "friends" who aren't supportive, you might want to consider downgrading their friendship status. A support network is very important. Because you will go though times that will bring you way down.

[Anatta]

Another thing to do is keep good company. It's no good being around people whom you don't feel comfortable with because then you are always on guard. And you're stressed. So if you have some "friends" who aren't supportive, you might want to consider downgrading their friendship status. A support network is very important. Because you will go though times that will bring you way down.

Kia Ora Keaira,

One will 'attract' what one repeatedly 'thinks' about ! This is the universal law of attraction...

Metta Zenda

[Anatta]

Kia ora Zenda.

Because my life is like a party.
So, there is no reason to be negative, I do have all I wished for.
I have good friends, family, a nice place OT live, nice work which I love to do, acceptance and the most important, I am healthy.
Could anybody be negative with all this?
I always try to look to the bright side of life, something like...okay, it is not going good now, so it can only become better.
When I have a goal, I am like a pitbulldog, put my teeth in it and I won't relax my jaws till I achieved that goal.
Yes, the future looks bright and once when this life is coming to an end, I can say....it was great, it was worth living it, sometimes it was fighting but hey....I love to fight.

Hugs
Annette

Kia Ora Annette,

That's a nice place to be 'mentally'....Or if you like a good 'habit' to have...

Metta Zenda

[Anatta]

Sometimes I get frustrated when I see other transmen, here and elsewhere. Whether I ever look like them or not, I'm pretty happy to finally just be myself.

Kia Ora Felix,

If you 'think' about it, all you ever were and ever will be is your 'self' ! So make the most of being 'you' !

Metta Zenda