new psychologist

[he who shall not be named]

So I'm going to start seeing a psychologist regularly for a multitude of reasons (only one of them being related to my gender, ahaha). So far I've only occasionally gone to to the psychologists my college provides.

The counselor I'm seeing isn't a gender therapist, but she told me (after I said I was having gender ~questions) that she used to be the person who would give out letters to allow women and men to get "sex changes." She then proceeded to ask me if I felt like I was "always born in the wrong body" and such.

This strikes me as an archaic way of defining trans-ness. She also me if I wanted to play the "mans role". I told her that was a very hetero-normative thing to say, lol. Earlier she told me I SHOULD come out (as queer) because my family would be okay with it. I dunno if I'm 100% okay with her telling me when to come out. I mean, I know I should, but that's not for her to tell me. 

What do you think? I quite like her style in other respects; she's more likely to talk than my current college counselor, which I appreciate because without someone to redirect I just end up rambling about whatever. I need the ~guidance.  But the fact she used to be a gatekeeper and still uses outdated terms like "sex change" makes me wonder if I should try and get referred to someone else. What do y'all think?

[Kreuzfidel]

I don't think her use of the term "sex-change" merits not giving her a chance.  A lot of practitioners simply aren't aware of the new terminology, especially if that was what they were calling transitioning in her day.  Also, her having been a "gatekeeper" is a potential bonus - she is obviously already at least somewhat familiar with how it works.  Use her archaic understanding as an opportunity to educate her.  I also don't think it's absurd that she suggested you come out.  Often mental health professionals are interested in encouraging clients to have a solid support system in place before transitioning.  Therapy isn't about the psychologist telling you what to do - it's a two-way conversation.  She may suggest things, but you may also reject them. That's when you both find alternatives and carry on.

[supremecatoverlord]

I have to admit that being both queer and trans will always make it harder to explain yourself to people. There are certain regions that will not understand you someone who deviates from a traditional standards of gender - some people will go to extreme extends to degrade and defame anything that is different from what they know...even to the point of resulting in violence. Mind you, years ago, the chances of this happening someone was much worse than it is now. I don't think your psychologist is trying to invalidate your identity, as many ignorant people may try to be, but is merely trying to understand how you feel. If you were a bio-guy, most people still expect them to be outraged by asking them if they are feminine in anyway whatsover, so perhaps she is just making attempts to treat you how she thinks someone of your "true gender" might be expected to be treated. Things get a lot more complicated with the way type of questions you should ask someone if they are queer, because it seems to have an focus on transcending gender normativity  - you have to understand this as it is the job of a gender therapist to try to understand your gender identity and guide you along your journey that you must do your best to explain it to her. Basically, what I'm saying is that there are a lot of people who don't outright associate society as being part of this huge gender spectrum and you're going to need to learn to accept that to some extent, even though, yes, it would be ideal if most people saw the world this way. Even if you do find a gender therapist who has helped mostly queer FTM transition somewhere in this world, just bear in mind that you are going to need to explain yourself to most other people in society...and I'm making this assumption because gender non-binary people (from my experience) usually don't mind not being stealth. It's better that you are able to express yourself and figure yourself out with someone who isn't supposed to judge you than feeling insecure about your gender identity around people who very well could. Honestly, if you are sure of yourself, that's what really counts.

As long as this therapist hasn't said anything outright bigoted or discriminatory towards you, I suggest you continue to give her a chance. It seems like you might be jumping to conclusions too quickly.

[he who shall not be named]

Therapy isn't about the psychologist telling you what to do - it's a two-way conversation.  She may suggest things, but you may also reject them. That's when you both find alternatives and carry on.

That's a good way of putting it, actually. I think I was just a little jarred by the difference in style compared to the previous psychologists I've seen, who were much less direct. But maybe that's a good thing~

"It seems like you might be jumping to conclusions too quickly."

@jason, you may be right. Granted I'm not feeling very trusting lately, but I should probably chill a bit and see what happens.

[Felix]

You are right that her language is outdated and bordering on offensive, but I agree you should give her a chance. In my experience, most therapists are even less knowledgeable than that, and finding someone you otherwise feel good about working with is kind of hard to do in itself.

I guess just try to gently educate her. I personally run into trouble with people who can accept that I'm trans but then get quizzical when it becomes apparent that I'm into mostly boys. Or that I'm not a grunting he-man and I'm not trying to be. People are funny.