"...It takes courage to do what you're doing..."

[Beth Andrea]

...It takes courage to do what you're doing...

I had a customer tell me this today, after I outed myself to her (she asked if I was transitioning).

I told her it wasn't courage to do this, it was relief from the pain of being a man. She didn't quite understand what I was trying to say...

So, what do you think? Does it take courage to become what one is, or is it more like "Gee, I'm leaving this jail cell for a comfy bed and breakfast...there's no 'courage' involved, it's about what is comfortable to me."

[caseyyy]

I hate when people say that. I know they mean to be kind, but I feel sort of put on parade. As inspiration for people who will never have to go through this.

[Alyx.]

Yes, I know what you mean. I don't feel particulary courageous either. Courage is being brave and doing what has to be done. This was more like "Gee, it would be better for everyone involved if I stayed as a guy, but I really want to be a girl and I can't stand this any longer."

If I had courage I probably would have grinned and bared it.

[supremecatoverlord]

If I had courage I probably would have grinned and bared it.

So, it's courageous to pretend to that you don't feel out of place and hopes no one notices that you're suffering...instead of choosing to face your fears and deal with the obstacles life throws at you?

This kind of confuses me.

[Stephe]

If I had courage I probably would have grinned and bared it.

That's not courage. Doing nothing isn't courageous. Facing this head on and dealing with it IS being courageous. There are a lot of people who never deal with this and just silently suffer. At least I don't see that as anything to be proud of.

As far as being on parade? I hope I am a role model for other people; that yes, you can be whatever you want. If I can do this, you can do whatever it is you want to. I have spend a lot of my time and energy trying to get all the people I know to understand this is NOT some freaky thing, I'm a normal woman and just remain calm, the world isn't about to catch on fire. It's why I'm not stealth and why I transitioned in place. I see this as my doing a small part to make the world a better place and easier for the next generation.

[Cindy]

I think the comment is more a reflection upon their own concept. They assume that we will face ridicule etc and they think we are 'courageous' for being willing to face that. In practice  of course it is like explaining quantum physics to a fish.  There can never really be any understanding.
There are parallels of course and you can use them as examples, like the mountain climber who cut off his hand that was trapped under a rock. Was that courageous? I'd say so. But in practice it was a choice of survival strategies. He would have died a slow death if he hadn't taken that action. By doing so he gave himself two options, a quick death from loss of blood, or getting out to safety.

We  do the same. The lingering agony of never being who we are, or possible ridicule and non-acceptance, or being able to live a happy life.

I don't consider myself courageous, but I'm a lot happier. And so far I don't think that I have lost anything, but I have gained a lot.

Cindy

[Artemis]

I think it depends on your circumstances and in some ways dumb luck.

How passable would you be in the end has a great influence on how hard it will be. For some, the route not taken might seem the easy one, for others much harder then the route taken. It all depends on your expectations and circumstances, many of which are totally unpredictable? If the end result is a cause of disappointment its particular hard.

[eli77]

Courage is that thing that happens when you stop running, turn and face your nightmares.

I did the one thing I was most terrified of in the world. Courageous? I'm a >-bleeped-<ing superhero.

[justmeinoz]

More like sheer bloody-mindedness in my case.

[annette]

In a way it take courage to do.
Right in the beginning of transition, you know there are a lot of hurdles to take.
You know it's gonna be hurting sometimes, and still, you will go for it.
Is it courage of desperation?

Don't blame people who say this things, it's meant nice.
They don't have the damn feeling of trapped in the wrong body, so they can't relate to this.
The same when you hear somebody's child died, you can imagine they will have a bad time but you will never feel the intense pain they feel unless you have lost a child yourself.
I think when people say such things, it's meant as some kind of acceptation, admiring and support.

[El]

When i get told this I tell them that its the second hardest thing ive ever done but the hardest thing ive ever done was not transitioning and that its not courage, im just doing what had to be done.

[King Malachite]

I do kind of agree.  My friend said I was alot braver than her.  In a way I took it as a compliment because she meant well but I told her it was just something I have to do.

[Felix]

I think the comment is more a reflection upon their own concept. They assume that we will face ridicule etc and they think we are 'courageous' for being willing to face that. In practice  of course it is like explaining quantum physics to a fish.  There can never really be any understanding.

Bahaha thank you Cindy.

[Rock]

More like sheer bloody-mindedness in my case.

Ditto on that