I write poetry a lot. I've never really shown it. Here it is.
Quote
I live every life feeling this fear
why would I want to live my life queer
why would i want myself to be a target
sometimes I wish that I could forget
but this is how I am and I can not deny
I don't want to be held down by my gender
but every time I get dressed I remember
I see this body and it doesn't match me now
but it doens't mean I am not proud
I'm a woman and I will be until I decide
my gender identity is not to hide
there is just a boy in me on the inside
he has my voice, my pride
to say YES
it's okay to be how I am
don't judge me, i know you can
I know I may never be a man
I don't have a label, I'm just who I am
don't treat me special, just respect
I know I am not what you would expect
I don't need protection, I just want to protect
for those who grow up to be like me next
Yes, this is all I am
I'm a strong souled chick and a soft-hearted man
This poem is to my father, who has caused a lot of pain in my life.
Quote
Come near,
come near, father
can you hear
the ticking in your ear?
I am not your weapon
but you made me as an atomic time bomb
do you think it's healthy for someone
to feel like their creation was wrong?
You hid me as you hid yourself
you were paranoid of the government
isolated me like I was a jar on a shelf
and yet you wonder why at last I went
How long can you hide from them
when guilt grows from you like a stem
a leaf of guilt for every one you smoked
every time I felt like I could of choked
you fought with manipulation
when I could fall to temptation
just like a prideful nation
adoring their nuclear creation
I had to wear a gas mask to hide my disgust
to hide my unhappiness and my distrust
to hide the feeling that nothing would change
to hide the feeling that I was stuck in a cage
but I don't have weapons of mass destruction
playing dirty is not MY function
when it's no longer time for limited war
it's time you get what you asked for
3 words that are mutually assured destruction
I hate you and it makes it hard to function
and they will end you because you are weaker
your attacks just dig your grave deeper
Don't come near me or hell will rise
a big flash, mushroom clouds high
they explode your lies and your cries
I'd love to throw debris all over your life
cover your eyes, cover your ears
duck and cover away from your fears
maybe you'll avoid the radiation
but you'll never forget I'm your creation
what it feels like to be me:
have at your feet your whole world crumble
try to pick up life from remaining rubble
and not cause your creator trouble
you've destroyed innocence and hope
all it took was abuse and dope
you've crippled my very two feet
I repeat, I hate you, I repeat
There is nothing you can say
it may be true for today
daughter, listen to me tell you
all this stuff that isn't true
then I tell you I still love you
and once that all is through
I'll go back to how I was
use you as a weapon to my cause
Dad, you're not there to say
It's okay that you ran away
I wish you weren't so scared
when I scream it didn't seem like I cared
I'm sorry I thought I was always right
I thought I was God, always put up a fight
and nothing I said applied to your life
or that of my dear wife
I accused you of so much that is wrong
didn't think it could be me wrong all along
I wish I could set your clock ticking back
so that your grief wouldn't cause you to crack
...there is no time for compromise
you can not wipe hatred from my eyes
the past is not something we can function
to revisit it would be mutually assured destruction
change is much too late
the burden on my heart is much too great
but the clock is still awake
to erupt how little it would take
Come near,
come near, father
can you hear
the ticking in your ear?
Cover your eyes, cover your ears
duck and cover away from your fears
this is your mutually assured destruction
and nuclear debris will be your reduction
This is actually my first attempt at an iambic pentameter that I sort of messed up. I enjoy the result, anyway.
Quote
Remember how explosions hit the earth
We were devoid of all hope to rise above
To long to protect the lone planet's girth
and saved ourselves before the ones we love
they would say that when we are underground
we would not have to hear death's piercing sound
How can we leave this all behind ourselves
Can't we fight this disease of ignorance
We'll lie in the holes that our silence delves
while the fires that devour our lives shall dance
The surface does not matter any more
Just a dream land destroyed by too much war
One shall stand to the evil she must face
She dragged me to my feet, opened eyes
To see I could stop evil in her place
Together we'd change the fate of the skies
Together we'd change the way people thought
And set free the souls who died when they fought
This last poem I wrote for a comic I've been writing. The first time I EVER came out as questioning (as far as gender identity goes) was after presenting this poem.
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Our spirits are searching
trapped in our bodies
but there's nowhere to go
I'm running and jumping
to get out of this body
I'm bleeding but you don't know
The actors and the liars
the speakers, the writers
their body is just a tool
the lovers and the criers
speak with their soul first
but society calls them fools
Self's an illusion
gender's a delusion
a fogged mirror into the soul
We were featureless as a child
with time we were less wild
but today there remains a hole
I'm itching and burning
to get out of this body
I'm bleeding but you don't know
