Emotional changes?

[moses_caro]

Hello, I'm new here. I have some doubts that I would like to share.

I am 17 years old now, and next year, when I am 18, I want to start with the hormone treatment. Among many other problems, the one I care more about are the emotional changes, because I am very lonely, quiet, serious and cold, and I wouldn't like to change my personality because of the hormone treatment.

So my question is this: with the hormone treatment, my personality will change? Will I suddenly become more energetic? Will I be more communicative or social? Will I have sex drive? Because that is another big problem; I always considered myself asexual and do not want that because of testosterone I become an ordinary and disgusting man that only thinks about porn and nonsenses like that. Because I am more than that. Much more.

And another question, if not too much to ask. Do you think that if I had a disorder / mental illness (I probably have schizoid personality disorder, depression or some form of autism, probably Asperger), the psychiatrist would not allow me to start the T process? Even if I had gender dysphoria? (I am sure I have it. No mental problem has caused me to want to be a man, because the truth is that I am a man, always have been, just in the wrong body).

I hope someone can give me their opinion or advice. And sorry if I made too many mistakes, english is not my first language.

[Adam (birkin)]

I haven't felt like testosterone has really changed my personality at all. I do feel a lot more "at ease" - which has made me feel more confident, and maybe go for things that before I would have been afraid to do. Chances are if you prefer to be alone, and quiet, those things aren't going to change with hormone therapy.

In terms of energy and sex, I do have more physical energy than I used to, so I move a lot more. That's been good for me. I had a high sex drive before T, so I can't really talk about how that changes...but, I can say, that even with my high sex drive I'm not some pervert who just thinks about girls and porn a lot. OK, I think about girls a lot, ha. But I consider myself to be very respectful, which to me is a mark of maturity as opposed to one's hormone levels. I also consider myself to be more than some typical macho pig, and hormones haven't changed that.

As for mental health problems, they don't generally cause a problem (I had depression and anxiety, and I wasn't held back).

[JohnAlex]

My therapist told me that sometimes issues like depression or anxiety can get better for trans people once they start T.


But I do think it's possible your personality might change, but maybe not so much from the hormones but from the change in your life.  I mean, I think every day our personalities are slightly changing.  Everyday we learn and grow and experience things and deal with things. And we change. And taking T can cause you to have a higher sex drive.  But if you think about it, if you had a higher sex drive, you might end up preferring that.
I used to have no sex drive and liked the way I was. and then I starting dating and had (better) sex, and then I decided I liked it.  It wasn't the T. It was just me changing my mind after my experiences.
And we're going to change in many ways, it's only natural. Everyone is always changing in little ways.
You may like just the way you are now.  But you'll still like just the way you are when you change.

[JohnnieRamona]

I've heard the same things from a MTF perspective- HRT won't fundamentally alter your personality or interests, but many people becoming calmer/more at ease after starting. I've also heard that depression and anxiety decrease for many folks (MTF and FTM).

[aleon515]

>And another question, if not too much to ask. Do you think that if I had a disorder / mental illness (I probably have schizoid personality disorder, depression or some form of autism, probably Asperger), the psychiatrist would not allow me to start the T process? Even if I had gender dysphoria? (I am sure I have it. No mental problem has caused me to want to be a man, because the truth is that I am a man, always have been, just in the wrong body).


You can be a man and have all sorts of mental disorders (which are actually physical disorder, in some cases that effect the brain. Depression is a good example of this.) Just as you could have physical disorders. It might be harder to get T, depending on the professionals you see and just how smart they are.

This is not exactly related to hormones, but it sounds to me that you have gotten some "garbage diagnoses". If you are Asperger's (trans is more common in Aspie population) you do not have schizoid personality. I believe like transgender, Asperger's is just another way of being in the world which is not pathological. Schizoid personality used to be commonly diagnosed for people who are Aspie (back maybe 30 years ago, actually surprised you got this dx). I don't think it should even be a diagnosis. It is considered a "life long" disorder caused by who knows what. This diagnosis was commonly given before people knew about Asperger's. Sorry but I call foul on the doctor.

Wikipedia: Schizoid personality disorder (SPD) is a personality disorder characterized by a lack of interest in social relationships, a tendency towards a solitary lifestyle, secretiveness, emotional coldness, and apathy. Affected individuals may also demonstrate a simultaneous rich, elaborate, and exclusively internal fantasy world,[1] although this is often more suggestive of schizotypal personality disorder.

Asperger syndrome (AS), also known as Asperger's syndrome or Asperger disorder, is an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) that is characterized by significant difficulties in social interaction, alongside restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior and interests.

This website might be helpful to you: http://www.wrongplanet.net/
Knowing about yourself can help your depression to some extent, if the depression is not relieved by medication. If was EXTREMELY important to me.

HTH some.

--Jay Jay

[moses_caro]

Ummm I see. Well I'm pretty sure that I have schizoid personality disorder, it fits better than Asperger, although I probably have mixed traits of both. Anyway, what I am sure is that I am very lonely and apathetic, and I have a very rich internal fantasy world (I practically live in it). I also have feelings of superiority, which I read may be another trait of SPD. The testimony of this page defines perfectly my thoughts: http://schizoids.info/the-world-seen-by.html

Anyway, I don't care about if I have SPD, Asperger or whatever. I just want someone to assure me that I'm not going to change because of the T. Because my mind is all I have; my thoughts, my lifestyle, my philosophy... And I'm so proud of myself for not being an idiot like most people are, that change scares the hell out of me. I just hope that the shrink will treat me despite all, because if somehow I lose my deep mind and/or the possibility of being completely a man, then life is just not worth living.

[shean R]

I am 3 months on T, I can only speak from my own experience.  The changes that I have noticed have been totally positive for me.  I have always been a deep, mindful, soulful person and T has not changed that a bit, if anything I am more in touch with my inner self.  I am much less depressed, my emotions used to be on a bit of a roller coaster ride that I had no control over, now they are more stable and I have more control over my emotions and my moods.  Some of the changes I have experienced are from having the T in my system, but some are because of seeing the changes that the T is making to my body.  I am feeling more at home in this vessel, more comfortable in my own skin.  I still have severe dysphoria with my "evil twins" but thank god top surgery for me is just around the corner.

I wish you all the best with your journey my friend, be well.   

[poptart]

Among many other problems, the one I care more about are the emotional changes, because I am very lonely, quiet, serious and cold, and I wouldn't like to change my personality because of the hormone treatment.

It will change those personality traits if they're a result of your gender dysphoria. It's possible for someone to be quiet, etc. due to suppressing their underlying personality since it's not appropriate for their physical sex, then transitioning and becoming more outgoing, showing their actual personality. This is not a negative thing since it contributes to the person being happy and balanced. If you don't feel like you're currently suppressing any aspect of your personality, testosterone won't change it. I should also clarify that testosterone itself isn't what can change the personality - the ability to live in the correct gender role can.

Will I have sex drive? Because that is another big problem; I always considered myself asexual and do not want that because of testosterone I become an ordinary and disgusting man that only thinks about porn and nonsenses like that. Because I am more than that. Much more.

Yes you'll have a higher sex drive. Just part of being male, live with it.

And another question, if not too much to ask. Do you think that if I had a disorder / mental illness (I probably have schizoid personality disorder, depression or some form of autism, probably Asperger), the psychiatrist would not allow me to start the T process? Even if I had gender dysphoria? (I am sure I have it. No mental problem has caused me to want to be a man, because the truth is that I am a man, always have been, just in the wrong body).

What you're perceiving as "schizoid personality disorder" is probably a symptom of your Autism/Asperger's, not a separate disorder. It's common for people with Autism/Aspergers to be socially reclusive in the same way.
There is also a known link between autism and FTM transsexualism, so it's likely your desire to transition is actually a result of this disorder. Here's a few quotes from an article on the subject:

Simon Baron-Cohen interpreted the results as follows: "Girls with a higher than average number level of autistic traits tend to have male-typical interests, showing a preference for systems over emotions. They prefer not to socialise with typical girls because they have different interests, and because typical girls on average have more advanced social skills. Both of these factors may lead girls with a higher number of autistic traits to socialize with boys, to believe they have a boy's mind in a girl's body, and to attribute their unhappiness to being a girl."
Rebecca Jones added "If such girls do believe they have a boy's mind in a girl's body, their higher than average number of autistic traits may also mean they hold their beliefs very strongly, and pursue them to the logical conclusion: opting for sex reassignment surgery in adulthood."

[Ayden]

I can only answer two of the questions and only from personal experience.

T didn't change my personality. I am still the same person, just without the crazy emotional ups and downs, and the depressing, self-harming thoughts I had before. I used to dog myself with constant self deprecating narration. Now, I just am and I am happy. That's it. As for sex drive - I haven't personally noticed too much of a difference. However, I should mention that I have been in an established relationship for several years and have always been content with my sex life.

Your milage may vary and all that. But, hormones will not change you as a person. No more than any other medication used to improve life will.

[aleon515]

>Simon Baron-Cohen interpreted the results as follows: "Girls with a higher than average number level of autistic traits tend to have male-typical interests, showing a preference for systems over emotions. They prefer not to socialise with typical girls because they have diffe

rent interests, and because typical girls on average have more advanced social skills. Both of these factors may lead girls with a higher number of autistic traits to socialize with boys, to believe they have a boy's mind in a girl's body, and to attribute their unhappiness to being a girl."
Rebecca Jones added "If such girls do believe they have a boy's mind in a girl's body, their higher than average number of autistic traits may also mean they hold their beliefs very strongly, and pursue them to the logical conclusion: opting for sex reassignment surgery in adulthood."

I've read a different, more biological explanation, which would be closer to what may relate to transgender in non-autistic people. And that is that there may be a higher amt of T in utero.
They consider that Aspies may be "hypermasculine".
http://www.iancommunity.org/cs/understanding_research/extreme_male_brain
This article doesn't discuss FAAB.
That explains the masculine identification vs the other way around.

My experience was not that I *wanted* to be a boy or identified more with boys but that I felt I was a boy. I am currently more confused about that.

BTW, having a fantasy life does NOT preclude Asperger's. Just like anything else, there are different ways of being Aspie. It might be a bit less common compared to somewhat other interests. I went thru a period of htis, but wouldn't say it describes me today.

--Jay Jay

[moses_caro]

Well I still don't think I have asperger's, because I was a normal child, although I always preferred to stay at home and watch tv rather than go out with friends. It was not until I was about 13 that I became more lonely and eccentric (sometimes I'm even surprised about my eccentricity lol). It's like since that age I am an adult, mentally. Well, honestly more like an old man. Even adults often end up just disappointing me with their childish and silly behaviour...

Anyway, if  I understood, T doesn't change you, but I will have higher sex drive (I hope even if that happens I will be able to control myself and continue not caring about such disgusting things) and I will be less depressive. That's weird. Men can also be depressive and unhappy, and I don't want that because of the treatment I become "happy" all of a sudden, I love my pessimistic point of view (which is the realistic one). Either way, thank you all for answering me, but still. I am a bit disappointed. T does change you somehow, but I don't have a choice.

[supremecatoverlord]

Simon Baron-Cohen interpreted the results as follows: "Girls with a higher than average number level of autistic traits tend to have male-typical interests, showing a preference for systems over emotions. They prefer not to socialise with typical girls because they have different interests, and because typical girls on average have more advanced social skills. Both of these factors may lead girls with a higher number of autistic traits to socialize with boys, to believe they have a boy's mind in a girl's body , and to attribute their unhappiness to being a girl."
Rebecca Jones added "If such girls do believe they have a boy's mind in a girl's body, their higher than average number of autistic traits may also mean they hold their beliefs very strongly, and pursue them to the logical conclusion: opting for sex reassignment surgery in adulthood."

I can't say I agree with you citing this study or the vibe of this study at all. 

A large majority of the wording used by the people conducting the study (some of which I bolded) seems to play transsexualism off as if it's all part of some strange delusion and something that can be fixed with psychiatric assistance, autism or not.

[aleon515]

I can't say I agree with you citing this study or the vibe of this study at all. 

A large majority of the wording used by the people conducting the study (some of which I bolded) seems to play transsexualism off as if it's all part of some strange delusion and something that can be fixed with psychiatric assistance, autism or not.

Yeah I agree with you. Most of the explanations of the relationship between Aspergers and transgender have to do with implying that there is a sort of psychological relationship-- things like Aspie girls have more boy traits (why is that?), will relate to a person of the opposite sex who treats them nicely, etc. That lends to the idea that it is either a social or psychiatric condition (that might be curable? Stay tuned.).

Actually Simon Baron-Cohen has come up with the explanation in autism of a higher amt. of in utero amts of testosterone. Has he read the studies on transgender at all? Sounds like he has not.

@moses: Ok, just wanted you to know what Asperger's really was. Obviously you cannot *become* Apsie later in life.


--Jay Jay

[Subject37]

Wow, you almost sound like a twin of me. I also fear these things, because I'm content with what I am, (an observer). I can't really answer your question because I haven't experienced T, yet. We're in the exact same boat, being 17, on the cusp of transition etc. etc. I just wanted to post this so you know you're not alone, being possibly schizoid.

I'll hopefully be starting T by January, so I guess I can only wait and see things out.