Heythere everyone...
I guess I get to start this thing off so here goes.
My name is Lynn, I am a social alchaholic, former full blown alchaholic, former smoker, former cocaine adict, and Ive had my battles with sleep aids too <over the counter not perscription> and tried a few other illicit substances in my lifetime. Oh, and Im still a caffeine junkie but I think I'll keep that one for now LoL.
I started all these bad habbits to repress my female side, or to make my male mask seem all the more male... problem was I have an addictive personality... I generaly have 3 addictions running at the same time all the time.... if I stop something I need to find something new to take its place
Cocaine, the worst of my addictions was truely hard to beat.... My at the time best friend realized I was wirred one night and punched me inback of the head... Realizeing that I want just hurting myself but was dissapointing my friends at the same time I steeled myself to quit.... It took forever but its been 3 years give or take... <fuzzy memory syndrome from back then> but I dont remember what the high or craveing felt like anymore... But I do remember it was so strong I allmost broke and gave in more times than Id like to admit. Most people are ashamed of there addictions or past addictions... but Im Damned proud to be a former cocaine adict... one of the few that won the battle.
Sleep aids..... that one is simple.... I was so overstressed and depressed all the time I couldnt fall asleep on my own unless I was totaly exausted... I mean, Id go 2 or 3 days ina row with out sleeping... You cant live like that so ... I started out 1 pill a night.... ended moveing to 5 or 6 a night with a few glasses of bourbon and coke.... Not healthy...... I beat that one by getting out of my parrents house and reduceing the stress level in my life.... strange thing was pre HRT my receeding hairline started proceeding back to its origonal shape when I did this
Smokes..... Those were probably as tough to quit if not harder than the cocaine. Any time I was stressed, anytime I was drinking, anytime I was bored.... I actualy lost that battle quite a few times... and every once in a while I still break on them... It takes knowing Im far healthyer with out them and HRT works better with out them to keep me off.... actualy the only reason I quit smokeing was HRT..... then I found out the painful way that cigs block estrogen in a sence because my bust exploded allmost imediatly upon quitting XD that was awsome... If I stop HRT, usualy when Im unable to afford the refills...and get over stressed its very hard not to light one up. but now its alittle easyer because texas added yet another dollar sin tax to them and Im not about to spend 5 or 6 bucks a pack heheheh..... First and last time I'll ever say thank god for taxes LoL.
Alchahol: This one is the toughie... back in my coke days Id drink a lieter a night or more of whiskey or bourbon... I stopped drinking like that when I realized I HAD to transition... I was trying to drink my actual personality away and even that was starting to fail.... That wasnt actualy that hard... but this part is.
Im a social alchaholic... as I stated in another thread Ive descided to quit. Sadly in this town the only things for an adult to do at night are drink or *ahem* there is no other nightlife really.... specialy with my friends... we all get together at the bar and drink the night away and generaly have a good time.... untill I get drunk... usualy with in an hour or two of me showing up even if I havnt finished my first drink yet *yeah Im a light weight or cheap date what ever you want to call it* I cant handel my liquer and I become miserable or make an @$$ of myself or both.... and I dont want to be that person anymore. This one is hard only due to the social aspect of it... Its going to be cola or sprite from now on I guess LoL.
Through all this I managed to hurt myself... my health isnt what it should be for a 26 year old, I get sick way too easely.... though slowly but surely its getting better.... Also I managed to do some damage to my liver... not bad enough to keep me from HRT but bad enough that Im on injections...
Anyways if anyone wants to talk about any of this stuff Im in chat or you can post in this forum or PM me
Take care everyone and remember... your Deamons can be beaten.
