Somewhat NSFW Q

[Acidshark]

Betting donuts to beans I am posting this in the wrong section...and /no/ I am not looking for people to fool around with here but lately I've been very deprived sexually. Broke up with my sadistic ex gf (note I am gay this was absolutely horrifying to me when she told me she was female...mtf's I apologize but it was scary) and have been celibate ever since. I'm not sure how to go about asking people I have an interest in about this in an inderect way. So tl;dr is how do I ask someone this sort of thing?

Note I am rather shy and awkward around people when I'm not preferably hiding behind my computer/phone and in text. I'm also rather short which I've noticed doesn't help when you're a man.

[Nero]

Hi Acidshark,

I'm not sure what you're asking. Are you asking how to ask someone if they're trans so you don't run into the same issue with your ex?

Well, I don't think asking someone if they're trans (in a roundabout way or not) is ever going to go over well. Both cis and trans people may take offense. And people often don't realize they'll end up transitioning. So, you could ask someone and have them say with all sincerity they're not and later end up transitioning.

I'm sorry to hear about the difficult situation with your ex, but unfortunately don't see any way to really prevent it. 

[Beth Andrea]

...broke up with my sadistic ex gf (note I am gay this was absolutely horrifying to me when she told me she was female...mtf's I apologize but it was scary) and have been celibate ever since...

So...you had a FTM guy-friend, who later told you he was a she? (The "mtf's I apologize" comment is confusing to me)

Either way, it's a topic for frequent discussion here about when/whether to tell your partner about one's trans-status.

Your post suggests it is better to tell earlier than later...am I reading this correctly?

I'd like to suggest, as a first step, separating the "sadistic" element(s) from the "transgender" elements, if you can. We're not all sadistic...

[Acidshark]

Didn't say you were. And this person is not FTM

[Beth Andrea]

Broke up with my sadistic ex gf (note I am gay this was absolutely horrifying to me when she told me she was female...mtf's I apologize but it was scary) and have been celibate ever since.

This is where my confusion came in...you are "gay" (meaning, M2M), and you mentioned "when she told me she was female", meaning you didn't know it, therefore she was presenting as male, but had "girl" parts down south.

= FTM

And my other comment, "separating 'sadistic' from "MTF" came from you mentioning the "horror" and "scary" after saying "SB"...maybe I'm reading too much into it? How was your ex-gfriend sadistic, if I may ask?

I'm not sure how to go about asking people I have an interest in about this in an inderect way. So tl;dr is how do I ask someone this sort of thing?

Ok, so you want to know how to tell someone is/is not male while they present as the opposite gender?

If they pass well enough, then by definition you won't be able to tell. I know some here will disagree with me, but if I was interested in someone and had had a strong negative experience like yours, you can be sure that next time I would come right out and ask the person.

Be sure to be gentle, just in case the person is in fact the gender they present (they may have insecurities about that)..."Umm...you know, you are really attractive, fun, and I love the way (you can eat a whole jar of jalepenos), but I had a bad experience recently with a person who presented as a man, but was a woman under 'his' clothes...I'm a stricktly gay kinda guy, and just wanted to be sure we're on the same page..."

Just let the chips fall where they may.

Hope this helps. 

[Constance]

 

Let's try to keep the language clean.

Thank you.

[Jamie D]

Okay, temporary timeout.

Speech communication is important to understanding.

I am having trouble following the original post, and I can see others are as well.

This is the proper board (arghhh!) for this sort of post, so you are okay there, acidshark.

But we need to clarify your question and intent.

[Jamie D]

Open for business