Wayne Maines Father, storyteller, and advocate for change
'Going Stealth': A Complicated and Dynamic Family Decision
Posted: 08/06/2012 1:49 pm
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/wayne-maines/transgender-children_b_1740140.html A few years ago we had to move to a new town, to a new school. Ongoing bullying, harassment and discrimination left us with no choice but to leave our beautiful home, our friends and our community. We are not alone. Families raising transgender children face the same plight throughout the nation. Many live in secrecy and we all must make difficult decisions to keep our children safe.
One of the first decisions is whether to tell others that our children are transgender. This decision is often dynamic, as the environments change, we have to change, too. Not telling our schools and community is called "Going Stealth." Going stealth often starts as early as preschool. It is a simpler time in many ways. No one need's to know except family, doctors and a small inner circle of friends. Later, in elementary school, we often decide to leave stealth mode to inform teachers, staff and sometimes community leaders that we have a transgender child. It is not an easy decision. Doing so creates new challenges and bigger fears.
We thought it was necessary to tell our school administrators, teachers, staff and coaches that Nicole was transgender. We relied upon them to protect her at school, on the playground, during sports and field trips. We were still well-aware that telling the wrong person could ruin her day, risk her safety and have dire consequences that we might not understand. In the end, disclosure prevailed. Asking them to keep us in a semi-stealth world seemed like the right choice.
