Pre-hormone therapy withdrawal like symptoms

[Cute Ida]

Hello there. It's been just over a month since my last post. This is a long post. I am a male to female hoping to get on female hormones. My question might seem strange but I thought I'd ask it. Due to my gender dysphoria starting to interfere with my job, I need a sense of calm in order to continue to do my job as I've always done it up until now. The closer I come to transitioning at work the worse the stress and frustration. My supervisor talked to me about my work. We're keeping it between me and him as of now. He hasn't gone to his higher up. We discussed the stress and frustration and the need of a sense of calm. I told him that I had been planning to get on hormones eventually. Just wanted to put it out there: my work supports me in my transition. I have 22 days until I transition at work. So I called my health partners clinic which is trans friendly in Minneapolis. Anyway I called to set up an appointment. The doctor is prepared to accept informed consent but the provider requires a 'letter of support'. My former therapist wrote a letter but I'm not sure it's enough. It might be. Any way I have 23 days until the said appointment but for the last two weeks I have been having withdrawal like symptoms related to hormones. Why am I having pre-hormone withdrawal like symptoms when I've never been on hormones before? Before transition it got to a point to where it was: transition or die. Now it feels the same way with the hormones: hormones or die. I am not suicidal. It's just the way I feel. I am not on any medications. I haven't been on anti-depressants in over a year. It's not caffeine withdrawal and I don't do drugs. So is my dysphoria severe enough that I can't move forward with both my transition or life unless I'm on hormones? It just doesn't make sense to me to have hormone withdrawal like symptoms prior to being on hormones. I was hoping someone might have an answer. I can't really consult my doctor until the scheduled appointment which is in 23 days. Any advice or help would be appreciated. Thanks.

Ida

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

The letter should be enough.  You say withdrawal symptoms.  Like what?

You may be just have euphoria over being o close to starting hormones.  Try meditating, allowing your mind to be completely blank.  Focus on a blank movie screen.  Do not allow any images across the screen.  Focus on your breathing.  Slow and deep.

[Stephe]

When I started on HRT there really wasn't any like "sudden calmness" nor do I believe these meds cause any in and of themselves. I think you may have false hopes that HRT is going to somehow make this easy or have some sort of psychiatric effect. Lowering your T will lower aggressiveness or it did for me but that's about it. It sounds like you are mostly anxious about closing in on -the- transition date at work which is understandable. On hindsight you will agree with what I am telling you here, it will mostly be a non-event for most people. Are you living full time outside of work now? 

[Ave]

When I started on HRT there really wasn't any like "sudden calmness" nor do I believe these meds cause any in and of themselves. I think you may have false hopes that HRT is going to somehow make this easy or have some sort of psychiatric effect. Lowering your T will lower aggressiveness or it did for me but that's about it. It sounds like you are mostly anxious about closing in on -the- transition date at work which is understandable. On hindsight you will agree with what I am telling you here, it will mostly be a non-event for most people. Are you living full time outside of work now?

totally depends. Even when I just took AA's the worries about having to finish male puberty stopped since I was assured it wasn't going to continue.

other than the anxiety that comes when you're still in the very early stages of puberty though, it's not like even a few months of waiting is that bad.

[Stephe]

totally depends. Even when I just took AA's the worries about having to finish male puberty stopped since I was assured it wasn't going to continue.

Exactly. It wasn't the meds changing your brain chemistry or whatever, it was what they represented. You would have been calmed taking sugar pills if you believed they would stop puberty. What this person is feeling is totally in their head. This anxiety/withdrawal isn't related to the lack of a never taken medication, it's most likely their anxiety about the whole process that is closing in on them. All the preconceived problems, that in all likelihood don't/won't exist either.

Some estrogen isn't going to calm them down in any way other than a placebo effect. Which BTW is/feels real but it's not some chemical reaction in their body/brain because they introduced some different hormones, like say the way anti-anxiety meds (valium type for example) work.

[Ave]

Exactly. It wasn't the meds changing your brain chemistry or whatever, it was what they represented. You would have been calmed taking sugar pills if you believed they would stop puberty. What this person is feeling is totally in their head. This anxiety/withdrawal isn't related to the lack of a never taken medication, it's most likely their anxiety about the whole process that is closing in on them. All the preconceived problems, that in all likelihood don't/won't exist either.

Some estrogen isn't going to calm them down in any way other than a placebo effect. Which BTW is/feels real but it's not some chemical reaction in their body/brain because they introduced some different hormones, like say the way anti-anxiety meds (valium type for example) work.

or prozac. gotta love that prozac.