Hello everyone. I'm Brianna Evelyn and I'm MTF. I started living full time as the woman I've always been inside just over 2 weeks ago, gave up smoking cigs 1 week ago today, and today is Day 3 of HRT (estrogen & anti-androgen). Oh and left my family about 8 weeks ago to move to Washington DC in order to transition and be in a much more accepting place.
I've always known I was just fundmentally different from my two brothers, even as a small child before I had the words to describe this profound gender dysphoria. But of course living with an emotionally abusive homophobe for a father figure from whom I was constantly criticized and punished verbally for my feminine speech/mannerisms caused me to go into deep denial and self-hatred from about age 5 to age 20 about my true gender identity.
Thankfully at 10 evil step-father was out of the picture, just in time for me to hit puberty and realize that was unequivocably attracted to men. For me it just felt natural that I would like guys...and since the homophobe wasn't there anymore, I was able to come out after a few years as gay.
Then in college at age 20 during my time abroad in Buenos Aires, Argentina, where I had been exposed to insane amounts of drag and gay club culture, I found myself in my host mom's apartment's bathroom tub, naked and smoking a cig and staring longingly out the window into the night at the moon...and just broke down and accepted I was a woman inside.
A few months later I came out to my immediate family as MTF with plans to transition and got pretty horrible, damagingly negative reactions. They all just wanted me to stay the affeminate gay guy they thought I was....so I pushed it down one more time for a few more months but then started having rather prophetic dreams. In a few of them a beautiful glowing vagina would emerge as if it were always part of my body down there and I would wake up feeling so content and then suicidally depressed to look down and see this engorged clit and external ovaries that had produced so much poisonous testosterone....
So after a few more months of denial, thinking I could just please my family and friends and anyone I'd ever known and just be the gay guy they thought I was, I realized that I couldn't be that person and came out firmly and starting presenting with more feminine clothes and make-up yet pretty much andro. That was great but it just wasn't enough for me....so after a few more months, about 8 weeks ago, I decided I needed to transition before absolutely anything else in my life. Everything else in life became secondary because I just needed to be ME before being able to deal with the rest of the world again.
So now I'm living in a much healthier environment in a city with a large trans population, a wonderful public trans health clinic, and some of the best trans legal protection on the books anywhere in the country....now I've see my new gender therapist weekly, I also go to a trans* in transition group therapy session weekly, and I'm FINALLY on HRT and finally buying more and more truly WOMAN clothes....
Basically I'm just waiting for my breasts to grow in and my features to feminize more through HRT and for the oodles of money required for electrolysis of my face and body...oh and not to mention SRS once I've saved up for it....
I'm 22 now and just a few courses shy of a B.A. in Spanish Linguistics...I'm hoping to have SRS within the next 5 years, tho the sooner the better. I may just immigrate to Montreal, Quebec on a student visa...they pay for SRS there....
Well beyond my massive gender journey, I'm a Romance language junkie. I speak Spanish fluently through good old-fashioned hard work and practice, I have passive fluency in Portuguese and to a lesser extent Catalan, and now I'm in the process of learning French. I'd like to speak French, Portuguese, Italian and Catalan fluently some day, and I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to be able to read and write Latin!!
But really the romance languages are just my main hobby that I study for fun.
Professionally I'd like to be an expert in gender identity and work as a clinical counseling pyschologist to help trans folks come out, accept themselves, and transition and live full, productive lives in their true gender/sex.
