major pre-srs panic attack

[milktea]

eta thailand in less than a month.  me is thrilled by the prospect of finishing up a 10 year marathon, and the other  in me is panicking. last night she got so overwhelmed by all the nitty gritty...finances, the trip to and fro, your family...she was shouting an endless list in my head...i ended up almost falling into a depression and had to eat a whole bunch of bananas.

perhaps it is in my nature to overplan and overthink. but then again the only way for a perfectionist to avoid analysis paralysis is to commit knowing that there are risks which may be capable of being avoided. i try to reason that i have made it to this day with most goals fulfilled. i have got my documents changed ages ago, i have an easy job that provided me with the funds for srs and some time off work post-srs, my physical appearance is quite presentable per my satisfaction, i have went stealth very successfully by systematically cutting out people who knows me pre-transition, i have got my parents to accept reality and i was able to do all these and avoid embarrassment to my family. so perhaps the plan is working out. i must not stress.

but  says this is different. what if the operation fails and your designer vagina closes out on you? what about coping with everything post surgery, knowing your trashy threshold for pain and that you are really not the most enduring type. she waves her long list at my face whilst ranting on, accompanied by dramatic hand gestures.

anyone here has had a  like me? help...

[Devlyn]

You just have the jitters, everything is going to be fine! Hugs, Devlyn

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Milkrea,

Devlyn was right. Everything is going to be fine. Nothing wrong with over planning. Beats the absolute  mind numbing misery of under planning. Last minute "butterflies" are quite natural. You just need to get them to fly in formation.

When next a devil plants a seed of doubt about what is just about to happen, stand against it and deny its presence and give it no place in your thoughts. That nonsense is a bunch of unadulterated lies.

Enjoy he journey and let us know how you are coping.

Huggs
Catherine

[Kadri]

I'm ten days post-op today. I had the jitters a month out when all the threads about problems with Dr. Suporn's methods came out on this forum!

I have been lucky with post-op nausea, but the worst thing thing that has happened to me was not being able to pee and have a I'm still alive and functioning having to relearn how to pee, waiting for the time when difficult. I'm still alive and functioning, though, meeting lots of amazing women going through the same thing. 

The people here were so caring and the other women look after each other too and keep an eye on each other. It is possible to come by yourself it sounds as if friends might be difficult if you are deep stealth though.

Not all plain sailing for everyone, but nothing to get a panic attack about. You go and give  a kick kick in the pants!

P.S. if you are a Suporn girl, I'll still be here in a months time!

[Adabelle]

I'm headed to Chonburi in March 2013 and I definitely go back and forth between nervousness and excitement. The excitement is just a kind of happiness to have that part over with, but the nervousness is the same you have (what if there are complications or something horrible). Everyone I have talked to has these.

You're not alone in going back and forth between nervous and happy about it.

[mintra]

Don't panic. My srs went well. The result is very good. Only very rare that had complications but that goes for all type of surgery! Thai people are nice and friendly in general and the hospital staff will take care of you. We don't have the slogan 'Land of Smile' for no reason.

[babz]

Hi , It Is not unusual to feel Nervous & Scared at the Same time I had my Surgery done by Dr Chettawut back In February In Bangkok. I was feeling Like you But when I arrived there the Nurse gave me a sedative to Calm me down So when I went into the OP verything was normal Including my Blood Pressure, So Stay Calm & carry on You will be fine & you will cope Plus there will be other girls around who Are just post op to Help. If you dont mind me asking who Is doing your Surgery

Best Regards

Babz

[Annah]

Perfectly natural to have those feelings. You'll be ok

[starbright]

Hi , It Is not unusual to feel Nervous & Scared at the Same time I had my Surgery done by Dr Chettawut back In February In Bangkok. I was feeling Like you But when I arrived there the Nurse gave me a sedative to Calm me down So when I went into the OP verything was normal Including my Blood Pressure, So Stay Calm & carry on You will be fine & you will cope Plus there will be other girls around who Are just post op to Help. If you dont mind me asking who Is doing your Surgery

Best Regards

Babz

I am going for SRS with Chet in April!! 🙂 Please share your experience and how it all was and the outcome if you have a few minutes! ) Thanks so much.

[babz]

HI Star Bright, I would Like to share with you regarding Dr Chettawut, My Email Address Is babz1462@gmail .com, I cannot pm you at the moment as about 4 weeks ago I changed my Email address that you get notifications on & then my account all disapeared I do not know why all my posts have gone & my PM's for about four years worth.
So If anybody wants Info or Help please contact me on that Email address I am a Newbie again.

Babz

[milktea]

tks for the encouragement guys. not that my jitters are getting any better, but i suppose its always good to know that there are many in similar situations.

babz what sort of sedative? my this is a good chance to get high without going to the dentist!

kadri not being able to pee as in difficulty or spraying all over? this sounds horrible...good chance in seeing you around...

[babz]

Hi I do not know what the seadative was called but I do know It worked very well & I was able to still make good Decisions, Be rest assured even I had last minute thoughts & I know the other girls I met did also Even one sat up on the Operating table and said do I want this took a deep breath IN & said yes & got on with It It Is normal, It will be your Adrenalin that will get you through..If you need anymore help my Email Address Is on Here.

Best Regards

Babz

[xtine]

OMG ....so it's not only me then... *reliefed*

I'm heading for Thailand (Suporn) on this(!) Sunday and my emotions has been going up and down like a rollercoaster in several months. I haven't been able to concentrate on work and my friends has been neglected quite a lot. I haven't been thinking that much about so many specifics but more a general "absence of mind". Then when I just saw your post I just had to register and send a reply.

Maybe this isn't helpful at all (or the thread is too old), but I just wanted to shout out my relief and maybe let you know that you are not the only one. And for me I seem to get a better feeling as the operation date is coming closer. Maybe it's just the way my mind work but I feel more and more confident as the days are coming closer. I take that as a good sign..

Maybe I'll see a few of you in the weeks to come... I'll be there the rest of january.

And thank you to the other posters - It's comforting for many of us to read your replies and advice.

Hugs from
Christine

[kerrianne]

Hey girls that are going to the Muffin Man (men) congrats!

Super normal to be nervous, anxious, scared out of your wits! I went to Brassard in Montreal last May and almost walked out of my life the night before. I had a major panic attack and took a long walk and sat on a bench and told myself I had enough credit on my cards to just fly away and vanish and start over again and pretend none of this happened!

But then I thought about how hard I fought to get there and I got back to the residence and just strapped myself in for the ride.

It's surgery. You are well looked after. I know you are in Thailand too as I have friends who have been there.
Everyone will have a slightly different experience but the sameness of our experiences is sometimes astonishing so you won't feel alone. Your body will adapt and heal as your own body will.

And it WILL heal. The body heals amazingly well. Just follow post op instructions as best you can and love this gift you are giving yourself!

And I want to add one personal thing that I picked up from a naturopath when I had issues after starting HRT. She asked me "have you told your body what you are doing and why?"

Tell your body. With LOVE. Before, during, after. Tell your beautiful body how much you love it and how this is a gift of love and you know it seems strange at first but to embrace it with your soul's love. Remind your body that EVERYTHING IS EXACTLY AS IT SHOULD BE. I think it helps healing and I know it helps you feel happier even when dealing with a lot.

You girls will be fine. You'll rock this! Good luck and enjoy the once in a lifetime ride! 😀 <3

[Zumbagirl]

Hey girls that are going to the Muffin Man (men) congrats!

Super normal to be nervous, anxious, scared out of your wits! I went to Brassard in Montreal last May and almost walked out of my life the night before. I had a major panic attack and took a long walk and sat on a bench and told myself I had enough credit on my cards to just fly away and vanish and start over again and pretend none of this happened!

I remember being in Montreal and asked Dr Brassard if he ever had patients change their minds and he has quite a few stories he can tell of people who jumped off the gurney on the way to the operating room never to be seen again. Before I knew it, it was all over and down to the aftercare.

It is a pretty major operation and not to be taken lightly, and I would by lying if I said I wasn't nervous either. I was psyched to be at that point in my life and also scared. What if I died on the operating room table? I needed to tell Dr Brassard to finish the job and let the world know how I wanted to be recognized in death. Hell I could even live with a frankenpussy if I had to rather than what I had, but, I really wanted a good outcome. I was pretty relieved when I got there and knew I was in good hands and would be well taken care of.

[milktea]

oh dear now that reminds me of death. not that i've in my limited understanding know of anyone dying on the op table of a srs surgery that is performed by a reputable surgeon...but there can be no denial that this is a major surgery and carries the risks. perhaps i should leave a will...and a list of pins to my bank accounts...

[kerrianne]

oh dear now that reminds me of death. not that i've in my limited understanding know of anyone dying on the op table of a srs surgery that is performed by a reputable surgeon...but there can be no denial that this is a major surgery and carries the risks. perhaps i should leave a will...and a list of pins to my bank accounts...

Actually, I know it doesn't help your anxiety and really the possibility is probably greater you will get killed on your way to the operating table (or more ironically as you leave the clinic) but it is true that you are undergoing a calculated risk (with the odds HIGHLY in your favour - these people do a lot of these and know what they are doing, and you obv are healthy enough for them to feel confident). It is prudent to do something like a will or whatever if that is something you think others would benefit from in case the unthinkable were to happen.

Before I left for Montreal I did make sure I had made arrangements, because even tho I KNEW I was coming back it was peace of mind for myself and my family. But I am older than you and probably was more at risk in the first place. It's just something that if you can do may make you feel better about - crossing T's and dotting I's thingy.

You'll be fine hon. My advice is to TELL the nurses etc how nervous you are. IME they make sure you are looked after then. They actually don't want you jumping off the gurney on the way to OR. It messes up their timetable.

I made a stronger connection to some of the nurses in Montreal when I told them I was super anxious and nervous. I got hugs. Extra care and comforting. All good! Showing your vulnerability can be endearing especially if you also show you WANT to be brave and strong, but you might need some helps and hugs to do it.

And remember to BREATHE!

You're going to rock this thing. I just feel it. 

[milktea]

d-1

on the hospital bed that i'll be staying on for the next 7 days. can hardly breath.

[Zumbagirl]

d-1

on the hospital bed that i'll be staying on for the next 7 days. can hardly breath.

Just take a deep breath and enjoy. The fun part is coming 🙂 the surgeons who do this surgery are so talented its scary. It's your turn to be in the sun, so soak it all up and enjoy 🙂

[Adabelle]

Don't forget, many have gone before you, and many are coming after you (me in only two months!). You can do it! Just breathe. It's okay and normal to be scared (I am sure I will be scared too), but also don't forget that you are there for a reason. This is a gift you are giving yourself and your body, don't forget.

Edit: Oh, as I look at the clock I realize that you're now already in surgery probably, about 2 hours into surgery more than likely. I can't wait to hear an update from you 🙂