"Stealth"

[Anatta]

Kia Ora,

What does it really mean to "Go Stealth" ? Are there different levels of stealthness ?

I've heard some trans-people 'pre-transitioners' who describe themselves as 'stealth' that is , no one knows of their trans tendencies-they are deep in the closet...Then there are others who have transitioned[that is came out of the closet- changed-then gone back into a new closet]... IN>OUT>IN

When I first transitioned I had never heard of this term, my goal was to be seen and treated as 'female', I had no 'label' as such, however I was for the most part open about my past, when I felt the need. There was no conscious attempt on my part to 'destroy' any paper trails that lead to a past life...I had a name change long before I went full time, and the Kiwi driver's licence does not have a gender marker-so female name and photo was enough ID proof... I got a new birth certificate shortly after my surgery, this was more so a matter of convenience, for travel, especially overseas trips[which I haven't been able to afford  ]...Having a passport with 'female' ID on it reduces the possible hassles at customs and immigration, I didn't fancy having to carry a cover letter explaining why my passport gender didn't match my gender identity/appearance ...


So back to topic...Is the act of being/going stealth, just going from one closet into another ? And can one really go deep stealth ?

Also... When I inform the unsuspecting cis-person of my past 'male' experience, does this also mean I'm coming out of the closet ? I'm confused

Metta Zenda

[Anatta]

Also... When I inform the unsuspecting cis-person of my past 'male' experience, does this also mean I'm coming out of the closet ? I'm confused

Metta Zenda

I think I've sussed it...The pre-transition closet is a 'futuristic' one and post transition is a closet of the 'past' ! 

[Annah]

For me, stealth is a complex "living" definition that has various degrees and various perspectives.

I also believe it is different than "being out of the closet."

For me, stealth comes in a myriad of levels and degrees...even with me...right now.

For example, at work I am stealth
However, only the higher echelon of my Church Conference knows of my past. I voluntarily disclosed this information as part of my ordination process but there is no paper work for my denomination showing me being trans. It was only word of mouth.

For school, only the higher up administration knows. And only my closest friends knows

For my relationships, I tell those who ask me out and I have a romantic interest in.

So, stealth for me happens in various degrees. Also, I believe 100% stealth is never truly possible unless you break away from all family and friends who knew you prior to transition..and even then one hospital visit can "clock you."

But that doesn't matter to me. I am stealth in areas where I wish to be stealth.

In terms of the closet, I believe even when we are in stealth we are still out of the closet. For me, staying in the closet in a transgender language means you never make any attempts to transition.

Also, when it comes to my sexuality, I am out of the closet with this. Sexuality and Gender Identity, for me, has two different meanings of "out of the closet."

Now, I understand, there are those who are out of the closet in terms of letting the world know they are transgender. When I first started to transition I swear I thought I wanted to be the transgender poster child....but the more I had transitioned, the less those feelings were for me. However, I still say I am out of the closet because when I was in the closet, Annah was in that closet.

[Anatta]

Kia Ora Annah,

I often use the term 'semi-stealth' to describe my present situation= I don't wear the "T" shirt out in public, but if I feel the need to privately bring it out of the 'closet' [and air it so to speak] I will...In the community where I live and work, some know of my past but the majority don't... It's all about perception, if a person behaves and looks like a woman-then the general pubic presume this person must be a genetic female, I can't see the point in telling them I'm 'man made' [three male surgeons performed my colon-vaginoplasty ]  ...What's the point in that... So in a sense, it's the unsuspecting public who become/reinforce ones 'stealth' cover ...

Metta Zenda

[Misato]

Stealth is something that is very important to some tranpeople.

Stealth is something people have passionate opinions about.

Stealth carries wih it it's own set of risks.

Stealth is a tool that can be used when we bet or wager that not having our birth gender known in a given context would be advantageous to us.

Stealth is controversial in the community.

Stealth is about trust:  I do not trust X with the knowledge of my former presentation.

Stealth is about trying to be happy.

Stealth is misunderstood by people in and out of the TG community.

Stealth is not a silver bullet.

"Stealth" this thread, could become quite long given the subject... Keep it cool my peeps!

[peky]

I second Misato and Annah post. I wish we could come up with a better word than stealth.

[Kevin Peña]

Hmm... stealth. 

Well, it's good to disclose to romantic partners. It's good to share things to increase intimacy. However, you'd better hope that relationship ends on good terms, or he/she might out you to everyone out of spite. 

[Stephe]

Stealth is about trust:  I do not trust X with the knowledge of my former presentation.

That is it in a nut shell.

And I honestly don't see the difference between per-transition stealth and post-transition stealth. In both cases you don't trust other people with this knowledge about who you want to become or who you used to be. It is in effect jumping from one closet to the other and expending energy to hide this part of yourself from others.

That said, I am stealth when out in public. I don't go around telling people. I see no reason to trust everyone on the planet with this personal information. But there are many people I do trust and I haven't been disappointed in their reaction to finding this out. I don't need to wear a sign on my back but I'm not ashamed of my past either.

[Anatta]

Kia Ora and thanks for the responses so far...

Stealth is something that is very important to some tranpeople.

Stealth is something people have passionate opinions about.

Stealth carries wih it it's own set of risks.

Stealth is a tool that can be used when we bet or wager that not having our birth gender known in a given context would be advantageous to us.

Stealth is controversial in the community.

Stealth is about trust:  I do not trust X with the knowledge of my former presentation.

Stealth is about trying to be happy.

Stealth is misunderstood by people in and out of the TG community.

Stealth is not a silver bullet.

"Stealth" this thread, could become quite long given the subject... Keep it cool my peeps!

Good points....Stealth=Trust  and the deeper the stealth the less one trusts... I guess for some, a high level of mistrust is warranted given that some trans-people fear for their lives, should members of their family find out where they are living...There's some real bigoted whack jobs out there...

One can't really judge other trans-people who choose to go stealth... For some, it's like when the police [for safety reasons]  relocate a person and give them a new identity...

When it comes to sexual intimacy and disclosure, the individual should do what they feel is best for their personal safety/well being...


.

Hmm... stealth. 

Well, it's good to disclose to romantic partners. It's good to share things to increase intimacy. However, you'd better hope that relationship ends on good terms, or he/she might out you to everyone out of spite. 

Diana makes a good point, if ones relationship goes pear shape, and one continues to live in the same community, with the same set of friends etc, one would be forever worrying about "What if they tell others of my past ?" Remember, not all relationships end on friendly terms, feelings can be hurt and grudges can fester- intentional slip of the tongue-passing remarks....

What are the pros and cons of stealth living= Deep stealth- Stealth - Semi-stealth ? Would/will you go stealth to some level ?

And  I know, if we are all honest, we would all like to have some level of stealth coverage, be it,  just to reduce the hassles that could come from being seen as a 'non-conformist'...

Metta Zenda

[Misato]

That said, I am stealth when out in public. I don't go around telling people. I see no reason to trust everyone on the planet with this personal information. But there are many people I do trust and I haven't been disappointed in their reaction to finding this out. I don't need to wear a sign on my back but I'm not ashamed of my past either.

Seems to be a very pragmatic to me.  But I'm bias: I expect my approach to be the same over the long haul.

[Dhenric]

My life currently requires me to be in "stealth" mode. One day I hope to break out!