The month after surgery - disability, time off, etc

[sarahbear]

I realize different companies have disability policies and procedures but I'm curious what other people have done to deal with the month off of work you need after surgery. The company I work for is pretty small and I work on an internal application that everyone uses everyday which I have heavily built and re-worked over the years. Before I go on vacation I usually do a lot of stuff to make sure people will be good but some things always come up anyways(though probably not much huge stuff). So but how will this work when it's twice as long as a vacation? I can prepare as much as I can but can't predict everything.

The next thing is I'm very stealth and way not out at work and have no intention of doing that ever. So what's a realistic reason why I'm not going to be able to work? Do I say I'm having surgery on something else? And if so what's believable and what could I pull if some other random person in the office had that same surgery and then asks me questions about mine. Also if I pick some random other surgery what even seems reasonable for how I'll be when recovering?

How does disability pay or status work generally? I'm a bit afraid to ask about this at work since I don't know much about how it works and my company is so small there's only one HR person.

[Zumbagirl]

. Also if I pick some random other surgery what even seems reasonable for how I'll be when recovering?

Hi there Sarah, when I had my surgery I used short term disability. What I did was to go and see my primary care physician and got a letter from her stating that I was having female related surgery, nothing about srs surgery. Itook that letter and filled out the disability forms put then in a sealed envelope marked as person and confidential and gave it to hr.

For the record the us state department accepted the letter from the doctor and was able to use this to get a temporary passport in my new gender since I was traveling to Canada (everyone was paranoid back then post 9-11).

It must have worked fine because I got checks in the mail. One thing I did do to minimize the post srs financial impact was to use as much vacation as I could.

Dr brassard recommended 6 weeks off which I did. I had banked 3 weeks vacation at work and used it all and the final 3 weeks was disability which was less than 50%of my normal pay. It got a little rough financially for a few months after surgery but it all evened out.

When it was all over I still had an extra week of vacation that I used later in the year a good 8/9 months post op and that made that time off that much sweeter. I wasn't spending every waking moment working or dilating and the swelling had gone down quite a bit so I could finally relax and enjoy myself

[sarahbear]

What did you do in terms of telling your boss or did you tell HR and they told your boss? I feel like I would need to tell my boss something in person since we get along really well and would feel bad if hr just told him without me giving him some kind of heads up.

[Zumbagirl]

What did you do in terms of telling your boss or did you tell HR and they told your boss? I feel like I would need to tell my boss something in person since we get along really well and would feel bad if hr just told him without me giving him some kind of heads up.

I worked with hr and told then I need to have surgery, it was female related and I was being advised that I would be out of work for 6 weeks. That doctor letter seemed to solve a lot of problems for me. If I recall correctly she wrote it on her prescription pad and signed it. I was in and out of her office in less than 5 minutes. My company accepted, disability accepted it, the passport office accepted it and it never said srs only female related surgery. I don't know if they called the doctor but I highly doubt it.

[AusBelle]

I just took rec leave.  No fuss, no hassles.  I had been working there for 18 months and it used up all my leave.  I thought that was the best way to do it as I didn't want to go down the road of saying it was for surgery or anything like that or having to explain anything.  The hardest part was explaining some discrepancies to my friends when I got back.  I told them I had an emergency appendectomy.  Which I sort of did as part of SRS.

Of course I'm in Australia and work for the public service, so I suppose it's different here than in the US.  I had a friend who had the same surgery 6 months earlier.  She was working in public service too, but when she got back told them she had to have an emergency hysterectomy when she was on leave.  They converted all her rec leave into sick leave.  I didn't want to go down that path though.

[Adabelle]

I just went into my boss' office and informed him that I needed to have major surgery. That I was working with my doctor and health insurance and that the time frame would be mid-March, and that my doctor told me that recovery time was 6-8 weeks on average. I told him that I felt bad to not be able to be there, but that I had every reason to believe I will make a full recovery afterwards. His response was that he didn't ask too many questions, he just said that he would support me in anything that I needed and to just let him know. I too am stealth at work.

In the following weeks I informed the other people on my team, and other leadership was informed. But nobody asked why I was going to be out. Even my coworkers when they found out have said "I hope everything is okay" and I always reply that I am really optimistic that everything will be okay and that my life isn't in danger.

The thing is that you're not under an obligation to tell your work (or the government) exactly what your surgery is for. As others have stated you should be able to have a doctor state that it's female related surgery and be okay. But really work probably won't go prying too much into your business. If they ask you can always just say it's female related and leave it at that. I doubt anyone will pry.

Good luck! I have found if you give them as much heads up as possible, and if you tell them that you're going to do everything you can to help make your absence easier for them, and return as soon as you are healthy that things can go pretty well. They are required under federal law after all to let you have surgery, so it's just a matter of communicating in a way that they don't go prying, but where they also feel you're not leaving them hanging.

Good luck! I was super nervous, but it all turned out okay.

[Zumbagirl]

I did want to add one more thing for clarification purposes. Since I went to Canada and brought a passport, I also sought a letter from Dr Brassards office stating that I was travelling to Montreal for the purposes of SRS surgery. I gave those letters to the passort office when I got my passport created. Back then (2003) it was needed. I bet that things have gotten better now.

[sarahbear]

It's amazing to think about how I would be telling people it's a major surgery but no other specifics. It's a such huge thing for me. I guess without me giving specifics people will come up with their own theory for what the surgery is and why I seem to be in such a, theoretically, different mindset/state of well being/etc. It's just kind of crazy to think about.

It kind of makes me think about how when I have an amazing fun awesome time at pride and then go back to work where people mostly didn't know it even happened and they're just talking about how they barbecued or some other regular weekend thing. I'm sort of out at work as a lesbian but only sort of since I don't think it really matters.

So now I guess I need to figure out how I'll choose a surgeon and figure out which ones will take my insurance(which i think will actually cover it). This all is blowing my mind a bit right now and doesn't seem believable because I've been wanting this for 18 years since I was 20! Hopefully this time!

[Zumbagirl]

It's amazing to think about how I would be telling people it's a major surgery but no other specifics. It's a such huge thing for me. I guess without me giving specifics people will come up with their own theory for what the surgery is and why I seem to be in such a, theoretically, different mindset/state of well being/etc. It's just kind of crazy to think about.

My experience is that the one thing people will never guess is this, especially if you are not out at work. They will guess everything else but not this. One thing when I returned back to work, no one really asked me much except how was I feeling. I said I was getting better. I am sure that others guessed it was a hysterectomy or something.

[amy2003]

When I told my job I needed two weeks off they freaked, cause apparently they think the place can't run without me.  Whatever.  So I knew I would have to have a damn good reason to be off a month, and since I couldn't think of a good reason I only took two weeks off.  That's right.  I was back at work, working 12 hour days (because I had been gone for two weeks and needed to catch up), 12 days after surgery.  Many people here at Susan's told me I COULD NOT do this, but I did and it was okay, although I don't recommend it unless you absolutely have to.  I should mention that I was a 31 year old in virtually perfect health.  Before surgery I told my endocrinologist who's well-respected in the trans community about my plans, and she told me it would be difficult but that I would be okay and that she understood why I had to.  But to reiterate, don't do this unless you absolutely have to.  It was very painful at times, then throw in the stress of dealing with the blood, dilating four times a day, pain, etc. and I was near breakdown a couple of times during the first two weeks.  I told work that I was going on a road trip with family for two weeks, so I couldn't even let on that I was in pain.

As far as my passport went, I sent my doctor's letters off for the temporary as I had been told by the State Department, and they went ahead and sent me a permanent 10-year passport with my new gender already on it.  No muss, no fuss.

[calico]

When I told my job I needed two weeks off they freaked, cause apparently they think the place can't run without me.  Whatever.  So I knew I would have to have a damn good reason to be off a month, and since I couldn't think of a good reason I only took two weeks off.  That's right.  I was back at work, working 12 hour days (because I had been gone for two weeks and needed to catch up), 12 days after surgery.  Many people here at Susan's told me I COULD NOT do this, but I did and it was okay, although I don't recommend it unless you absolutely have to.  I should mention that I was a 31 year old in virtually perfect health.  Before surgery I told my endocrinologist who's well-respected in the trans community about my plans, and she told me it would be difficult but that I would be okay and that she understood why I had to.  But to reiterate, don't do this unless you absolutely have to.  It was very painful at times, then throw in the stress of dealing with the blood, dilating four times a day, pain, etc. and I was near breakdown a couple of times during the first two weeks.  I told work that I was going on a road trip with family for two weeks, so I couldn't even let on that I was in pain.

As far as my passport went, I sent my doctor's letters off for the temporary as I had been told by the State Department, and they went ahead and sent me a permanent 10-year passport with my new gender already on it.  No muss, no fuss.

Your situation sounds very similier to mine at the moment, when I told my boss I had to take off at least 25 days he kinda freaked, i didnt tell him what for entirely but he knew it was for surgery. His ending response was I had to do what I had to do. but at least I still have my job, when I see my pcp I'm going to ask for paperwork asking me off untill the dr says its ok for my return and hopefully that will help as well. I'm pretty up in this company and I dont want to endanger my job because I need the insurance I have mainly because I am not so healthy do to some back issues.