confused and Lost

[xavo]

Hello Everyone.  I'm new Here.  My Name is Xavier and i'm 19 years old.  I'm currently Living in NJ and working to save money for college.  I Love Art and Music.  I'm really confused about my sexuality and browsing around I found this forum and I thought you could help me.  I'm currently straight or at least I think I am. lol.  about 5 years ago I was looking at the mirror after a shower and since i was a lil fat back then I thougth my chest looked like boobs so one day when I was alone I put on a bra just for fun but it really turned me on and I felt so good with it.  Ever since whenever i'm alone in the house i grab some Feminine clothes (dresses, tight jeans, heels, skirts) and I try to have them as much as possible.  I really Love Dressing as a Woman.  I even put make up even though is really crappy since i have no experience with it but I think i'm getting better.  Now the Problem is that I don't like guys, I feel unconfortable with them.  But I do Like (i'm not sure if the word is correct) I do LIke ->-bleeped-<-s.  and women still turn me on. And i don't really know who i am.

As an artist I love the feminine figure I think is just beautiful.  I llove their body so much that I want to be a woman but then again I'd be a lesbian cause guys don't turn me on at all.  Please any help or guidance will be appreciated and thank you for taking the time to read this.

[stephanie_craxford]

Hello Xavier

Welcome, welcome.  I think that you will find many answers to the questions you have here at Susan's.  There are many members here, past and present who, like you,  are or were confused about issues regarding their sexuality, and their gender.  There is a wealth of information in the Wiki found here https://www.susans.org/wiki/Main_Page.  Be sure to browse through it as it is a good place to start.  I don't think that anyone here would consider themselves as She-males, and I have yet to see anyone refer to themselves that way, so I wouldn't use that term unless a member here refers to them self as such.

Just remember one think to start with... wearing women's clothing does not make you a woman, the same way that women's cloths do not make a woman.  There are many reasons why you feel the way you do, so to narrow things down a little, review the information here first.

As I mentioned, there are many members here who experienced the same feelings you have so stick around, relax, and enjoy your stay 

Chat later,

Steph

[xavo]

Thank you Stephanie. (i love your picture By the way) I'll start from there and i'm sorry for that term It just i'm new with this and I didn't know if it was offensive or not.  To me you are a woman but I heard that term from other people and i'm really really sorry about it.My apologies Stephanie

[stephanie_craxford]

Hey there Xavier, 

You don't have to be sorry, I didn't mean to infere that the term she-male was offensive, although it may be to many, I just mean't that I haven't heard anyone here refer to themselves that way.  One other thing, don't worry about making mistakes, I've made a few here at Susan's myself, and I've been "shown the error of my ways"    You should have absolutly no fear about taking part in Susan's, regardless of the chances of making mistakes, that's what makes us human, just stick to the rules.  We are all falable, it's just that some of us make bigger waves than others 

So I'll leave you with that hon,

Chat later,

Steph

[Cassandra]

Hi Xavier,

Welcome to Susan's. As Steph allready said don't worry about making mistakes everyone does. As far as TG vocabulary we weren't born with the lingo. You'll get used to it though. Personally I'm not fond of ->-bleeped-<- either but I'm not offended by it. It's just not an accurate description of who we are. Don't worry you'll figure it all out and we'll be here to help were we can. So as I tell all the new folk.

Fix yourself a cup of tea or other relaxing beverage, sit down, take your shoes off and set a spell.

Good Journey,

Cassie

[Shelley]

Hi Xavier,

Now mistakes thats something I've made from time to time. Fortunately the people here are not judgemental. I found the wiki helpful in becoming used to the terminology used here. It's a good start anyway.

So anyway welcome Xavier to Susan's hope to see you around a bit.

Shelley

[unicorn]

Hello Xavier!
welcome to Susan's! relax, don't worry so much! You know what? we're all of us here taking journeys that lead us to unknown places, we're all growing and learning.... and making a few mistakes along the way is just part of the process. so, welcome to the club!


cheers
Alex

[Vanessa V.]

Howdy Xavier.....

Welcome to Susans. Like the other girls said, poke around here and explore. It is indeed a very helpful place to sort out these craaaazy feelings we all have. Each person here, I've found has their own, interesting story to tell. And together, we can work to learn and grow, like Alex said.

So yeah, welcome!

-Nessa

[xavo]

yeah thanks to Wiki i know the correct term for me.  Trasvetic fetishism.  and I also found out how to measure for a bra, rsomething really really helpful I just wish I had big boobs to go for C but for now i'm just a 38A.  And thank you for all the support from you.  It's true you are like one big happy family.  I'm so happy I found this forum.  Now all I need is to be brave enough to go shopping for my first bra.  If anyone lives in NJ or Ny pliz tell me I would like to have a friend I could go out with or shopping with . 

:-*kisses to you all and thank you for everything

[Shelley]

Be careful Xavier,

Once you get up the nerve it can be very habit forming. 

Born to shop Shelley

[xavo]

LOL.  The first thing I want to buy Is a pair of shoes for me with heels.  just need to get the streng to do it LOL

[Shelley]

And learn how to walk on them . Which trust me is not easy.

Shelley

[xavo]

Then i would love a bra.  I know I don;t need one for my small tiny boobs but is just helps me with my confidence and i feel good in them lol.

[Chaunte]

LOL.  The first thing I want to buy Is a pair of shoes for me with heels.  just need to get the streng to do it LOL

Payless and ebay are grat places for shoes!  Most stores don't carry my size (woman's 13W), so the net is a great asset!  My favorite brand so far are cloud walkers.  They fit right, look great and are comfortable to walk in - even my 2 3/4 inch heels.  (That's what... 7 cm?)  What more could a girl want?!

Chaunte

[Cassandra]

Thing to remember with shoes Xavier is don't go staright for the six inch spikes or you'll be wearing an ankle bandage or a cast. Start with something that has a fat 2 inch heel and learn to walk in those first. There are lots of very stylish shoes.

I loved my first pair and would still be wearing them if the dog had not chewed the right one. I still have them and every now and then I pull them out put them on my feet look at them and sigh, then I put them back in the closet. The dog makes himself scarce during these times.

Anyway you have to graduate to the taller heels. I walk around in a pair of 4 inch heelsall day at work like I was born to them now. I haven't really tried a six inch. Somehow I think of them as more of a dancers shoes since they will deffinetly keep you on your toes.

I love shoes but after a day in heels I can't wait to take them off at the end of the day. Be careful, high heels can be fun but the wrong pair can really hurt.

Good Journey,

Cassie

[Shelley]

I loved my first pair and would still be wearing them if the dog had not chewed the right one.

Hopefully not while you were wearing them. LOL

Shelley

[xavo]

lol so i'm 1st grader with shoes and i just started going to school and when i graduate i'll be able to walk 4+ inches high LOL can't wait to get started

[Shereene]

I know all about problems with heels - well at least I did. When I first started dressing I'd find the biggest heel I could an wear it around - it would involve a lot of slipping. So I decided to tone down to something like a 1 1/2 inch heel. Then I graduated further up. Now I could probablywalk quite comfortably in a 6 inch heel - but it'd still need a little getting used too.

Shereene

P.S. Wedges can be very good when learning to walk in heels.

[Dee]

My first pair of high heels were 6" and it was really really difficult for me to walk in them.  Also, they were slightly too big so I kept slipping out of them while trying to keep my balance.  But god, I loved they way they looked, so I was still happy with them... mostly when I was sitting.  But I must say, that starting off on such a hard road has made me profficient, so now I dont have any trouble with 4 or 5 inch heels.