Not wanting to dress male.

[Shannon1979]

Sounds like a silly subject. but as i am only just starting out the people who know are very limited. Even so even with only just a few days of dressing as me finally. i cant stand taking of the make up, clothes and stuff. Its like i finally lifted the mask ive been wearing for 33 years, but i have to put it back on again at least for the time being.

[Heather]

It only gets harder the more you live as yourself the harder it is to go back.

[JoanneB]

I feel your pain.... immensely 

For me it happens Sunday evenings. The lowest point is when the nail polish comes off. The only semi permanent symbol of womanhood must be shed. I can easily pretend to trick myself during the week being in lingerie all day. Stealing a few hours between returning home from work and sleeping to present as female more completely.

[kelly25]

It's not a sill subject  I felt your pain when I first came out I had to go back to dressing like a male ( well undergarments were still women's) on and off
Don't worry there will be a day when you don't have to go back to dressing as a male

[Lesley_Roberta]

I am likely too critical, but for me, the hardest part of dressing female is my opinion of how they would look on me in MY opinion and not the opinion of others about me wearing women's clothing.

I suppose a life of not giving a damn about the opinions of others helps.

But I DO give a damn about my opinion about me.

My waist is too wide. No I don't care if some women are fat, I don't want to be one of them.

Shoes, I walk everywhere, and no I am NOT wearing heels if I need to do some serious walking. But why is it so hard to find attractive sensible shoes for women in THEIR sizes let alone mine?

Lingerie. Every time I walk past a store selling panties to sticks are am in general a bit envious but also just unfriendly towards it. Why can't they have stores that sell to both sticks as well as females that have some weight. I don't want to shop only in stores for fat women. It's bad enough I seem to prefer going shopping with my mother as she tends to go into stores favourable to older women. But dang it, I don't really like that I seem to be stuck being labelled an old woman in a male's non conforming size range.

I have been thinking, that the only way I will ever have skirts or dresses, is if I make them myself. I am just glad I am inherently good with my hands. I'm already thinking my new shorts and pants will be altered by me to be less the usual baggy fit typically male and more close fitting typically female.

[Henna]

Shannon, I felt the same a while back and it was really hard to put on my very old male clothes (hadn't bought male clothes in years and years, as I just couldn't see any of them on me).

What I did was to change my wardrobe piece by piece, until I finally reached the point where I don't really use any male clothing anymore. Well few warm and excellent woolly sweaters I still have for those minus twenty degrees days Other than that, most of my male clothes I threw into garbage last Christmas.

I've said it before, that if you don't over do it, nobody wont really pay much attention. I know people at work have given few looks, people in the street too, but nothing really major and I'm not getting constantly harassed, stared or anything like that. Thus I think I'm not that visible, which is fine for me now.

Of course I would love to wear dresses and such, more feminine things, but what I now wear have to be sufficient for now. It's better than putting male clothes on

[Cindy]

Hi Shannon,

I think we all know that feeling.

In the end I couldn't face being in male clothing so I stopped. OK I was under therapy to transition but I went to work in increasingly female clothing. I just stopped caring about other people and thought about me.

No one gave a damn, if they did they didn't tell me.

I'll just ask something that may sound really crazy. But do people notice what we are wearing?

The reason I ask is from about an hour or so ago. So almost real time.

I was washing my car on the front lawn. I was wearing cut-off shorts and a bikini top. I was wearing big feminine sun glasses. My legs are now pretty well hairless and I keep them that way, I wear make-up because I'm an old broad and need it.

A neighbour wanders over (I have been here for 4-5 years and we all know each other, and have neighbourly get togethers and I moved in dressed as a male, and they know me as a mlae) and he says, hope you don't mind I just though I'd check out you new car.

Not a problem, he has an MG and was checking my little car out.

We were chatting and I say, I've ordered my customised registration plates, and he says great what are they? I say CINDYS.

He looks totally blank. I say, Oh I'm having a sex change and I have changed my name to Cindy. Oh are you?? Shocked look. Well if that is what you want good for you (typical male reaction in my experience). Are you happy? Geez, do people have brains?

I won't go into the rest, but. here I was, in cut-off shorts, boobs exposed in my bikini, looking as feminine as anything and the guy didn't realise I was wearing female clothing. Or if he did, it didn't register.

So what are we worried about? People have not a clue what they are looking at anyway, so dress and be happy.

Oh, when I was starting off I did go to work with long bright red  acrylic nails, never got a comment.

[Henna]

I'll just ask something that may sound really crazy. But do people notice what we are wearing?

My answer is that no they really don't, not in a way that you and I and other transgender people notice. The same really goes to facial features and body types. I have a really hard time of thinking that cisgender people would spend this much time studying facial and body features of people, that they meet. Same goes more or less to clothing too, if we leave teenage girls out of the equation, who are very conscious, what people are wearing.

[Jenny07]

Shannon
Join the club as most of us can understand how you feel. I hate presenting male every day as I still have a way to go before that day comes.

Cindy and Henna are also right in that people don't notice things right in front of them. I sometimes feel I am hiding in plain sight. I have had many laser sessions and my facial hair is all but gone, so happy, yet no one has said a thing which was a surprise to me. I thought at least some comment from the girls I work with. I had very heavy facial hair that was very obvious, now I only have a few hairs left and clear skin now. I would have thought it was obvious? Obviously not.

I am starting to feel at ease when not in boy mode and it is good for once as I hated shopping for men's clothes. Recently did some female clothes shopping and I have unleashed a Jeannie from the bottle.

Looks like Cindy's new car is more obvious than her boobs. That's a worry.

Take care as you are not alone.

Jen

[Tessa James]

My experience echos Cindy, Henna and Shannon for the most part.  What is a big change for me seems almost invisible to many others at times.  Most folks seem busy thinking about their own big deals.  And then there are those rare times when talking to a male friend that I notice he is staring at my boobs while we chat.  I am early in transition and not even on HRT but wearing a lovely top with a nice v-neck line seems to get to some guys.  It gives me some insight for what girls and women deal with all the time. 
When I was first able to allow myself to CD the thrill was only at home.  As Heather notes, it has gotten harder and harder to go back and thank goodness.  I too want to stay in MY clothes and say things like "I'm going to throw this old boy stuff away."  And then I settle down to giving myself even greater latitude.  Now that i'm out I can wear whatever I want and wadaya know I want it all.  Rough jeans and tough stuff for working the farm, forest and trails and the softest sweetest things to wear out shopping and to meetings.  Choice feels so good after that straight jacket of trying to be a man.  Now that I'm somewhere in between m-f the smiles don't stop.

[Cindy]

Looks like Cindy's new car is more obvious than her boobs. That's a worry.
Jen

Always wondered why they had girls in skimpy costumes draped over the cars in the car show and adverts.

It so guys can find the car!

One guy to another. where is the new BMW? Oh under the woman in the red bikini.

Simple!

[JulieC.]

I'll just ask something that may sound really crazy. But do people notice what we are wearing?

It's not just our clothes.  As I have made small changes to my self I keep thinking someone is going to notice and say something.  So far no one has said anything.  I don't think it's cause they're embarrassed.  I don't think they notice. 

They latest one for me is the hair on my arms.  I'm not terribly hairy but I hated the way they looked.  I wanted to shave them for the longest time but I thought it would just be too obvious a change and someone would comment about it.  About a month ago I thought **** it I don't care what anyone says and epilated my arms smooth.  Once again I can't believe I waited so long.  Cause no one has noticed.  In fairness it is winter here and they are hidden a lot of the time.  Maybe I change my tune when summer comes and I'm in tees all day.  Doesn't matter hair is gone for good and I doubt anyone will notice.   

[Shannon1979]

Thanks for all the replys. your right about people not really noticing or not caring. i sorta proved that to myself today. when i was cleaning off the eye make up last night i obviously didnt do a very good job. as my eye liner was still clear as day. ive been out all day and nobody noticed at all. 

[spacial]

ive been out all day and nobody noticed at all. 

really pleased. Hope you had a good time?

[Lesley_Roberta]

Body hair, that was so utterly the first thing to go.

I have only a hassle with my back, because it being on my back, A I can't see it and B I can't reach it, but the wife is cool with doing it periodically when it becomes visibly intrusive.

But, I have no body hair to speak of. I rebelled, begone damned dark intrusive and altogether too much in quantity body hair.

The first time I did this in the tub, my wife remarked 'you look like a baby' I was so utterly hairless.

I am unsure how visible it is, but, I don't care, I do it for me. I used to be quite hairy. Damned stuff can be effectively visible in a day, but, I tend to give it a go over in the tub, and I don't really mind. I have to shave my face, and 2 minutes or 5 minutes, it's not really that much of a deal. Besides, I am in the bath to have my girlie time and the hot soak feels good on the back and legs anyway.

But, this summer will be round 2 of a season when my legs are brazenly displayed as being as hairless as any well attended woman would normally be. I don't know to what extent people look at a person's legs, but, I make no effort to hide them either. And it is my plan to enjoy shorts that are as short as possible too. Fortunately, while my legs are not entirely models legs, they are at least not ugly legs. I have a walkers legs, no fat on them. And they have no marks from age as of yet thankfully. It's a shame I can't display them in a skirt, but, I at least get to display them.

I wish I could sit properly though. If the day ever comes I manage to get the privilege of a skirt, I'm going to need to place extra effort to ensure the panties are well looked after and I will almost certainly be advertising more often than I should be Not that I really would give a damn.

[Charlequin]

I'm still coming out, I'm broke beyond belief so I haven't been able to even think about changing my wardrobe (though hopefully I will have a job soon), and do I know your pain. Whenever I walk through the department stores I take my cousin with me and we browse the dresses, skirts, blouses, etc. etc. I just want to have them so badly. My biggest weakness is heels. I am in love with heels.

When I have a steady job, my plan is to start a savings account for emergency purposes if necessary, but mostly so I can start saving for future surgeries. And with the left over money I'm going to start slowly changing my wardrobe. I'm going to start with my jeans, I think I'll buy a couple pair of jeans I like and ditch the boy pants and then slowly move on from there! It's the thought that I know things are going to change and progress that keeps me stable.

[Marcia]

Thanks for all the replys. your right about people not really noticing or not caring. i sorta proved that to myself today. when i was cleaning off the eye make up last night i obviously didnt do a very good job. as my eye liner was still clear as day. ive been out all day and nobody noticed at all. 

I've wandered this also. What I think happens is that other people notice things but they don't think of the meaning behind the change. Like the meaning that we have for doing something or wearing something has a different meaning to others. When they do notice and at other times I don't think they do or not at first and by the time they do notice they realize that it has been that way for awhile and they just don't say anything.

[Lesley_Roberta]

I notice everything.

'Why the hell can't that guy wear his &^%$#@ pants correctly, is a belt too complicated for him?'.

'Is that girl oblivious to the harm that she's doing to her appearance walking around like that?'

'Must be nice having legs that thin'.

'Wish I could wear shorts Barbie dolls would have trouble getting into'.

'That skirt is way to short'.

'I wonder if he knows what laundry soap looks like?'

[Tessa James]

I've wandered this also. What I think happens is that other people notice things but they don't think of the meaning behind the change. Like the meaning that we have for doing something or wearing something has a different meaning to others. When they do notice and at other times I don't think they do or not at first and by the time they do notice they realize that it has been that way for awhile and they just don't say anything.

I think Marcia is right on.  When/if people notice changes in our appearance they are most often unaware of the meaning or significance of this change for us?  You have heard responses like; "is it Mardi Gras? are you gay? are you in a play"  Oh, it has been tempting to bs but the truth feels best, I'm in transition!

[KayCeeDee]

Charlequin, try the church thrift stores. I got my jeans for a buck a pair and they look new.