Trying to overcome constant disappointments

[SilverEagle]

Well, I've been on the road to transition for a couple of years now. But I have pretty much had the worst luck in terms of doctors and everything. Ignorance all around I guess. I think I have reached the point where I don't know how to handle things. I don't really want to vent my frustrations with anyone so this seems like a good way to let off steam.
1st. I've been trying to get on T for like 2 years now. No luck. My friend, who ended up being trans, after a month of therapy, is now on T. Im so happy for him, I truly am but this got to me because I continue to have terrible luck. He moved away and so he was able to see different therapist than I was.
2nd. I called an endo that everyone recommended. Didn't even get to talk to him because the secretary says I don't meet the years of therapy he requires.
3rd. Called an endo known for this stuff and left a message for him to call me back because he is 2 hours away, but he never called back.

To put everything into context, I am turning 21 in just a couple of weeks. I've been saving up for a car, and I wanted to go see my girlfriend who lives hours away, but my mom pretty much said, that the amount I've saved up isn't enough and that I should just keep saving. As much as I hated it, I agreed. I really want to see my girlfriend though so I decided to get a rental and drive up to see her. Well, my overprotective mother, said I can't go. I will be getting my license soon but have been driving for years now with my permit the legal way and still she came up with really lame excuses like she doesn't know where I am going and that she will go with me the first time. Mind you, I wanted to be with my girlfriend alone. I wasn't going to intrude on her family. I was going to get a hotel. But my mom doesn't like that idea. I was going to pay for EVERYTHING. My mom says its disrespectful but she would drive up there with me in her car. And that I'd have the car with me and she would stay in the room. It sucks so badly but again, I agreed. And now for the biggest disappointment of all. My girlfriend now says she is uncomfortable with staying with me in the hotel room knowing that my mom is with me. We have been planning this for so long now. The fact is, yes we were going to have sex. I haven't done anything with her yet and at that point it will be more than 4 months of waiting to be together. We have done nothing but talk about it. I love her so much and wanted to share a couple of nights with her completely alone and just be happy and have a little bit of freedom that I know I will never get at home. I even bought the "equipment" to actually make love the first time the way that felt right. But now she pretty much backed out of it. Part of me 100% understands her. The other part is really upset. And I don't know how to overcome that angry upset part. I wanted to be intimate with her. Even if it wasn't sex, just alone time where we could kiss and not have to worry about anyone walking in. That's not gonna happen now. She keeps saying that it will happen eventually and that now we will do things the right way but this really sucks. Am I selfish for feeling this way?

*Edit*
I realize I wasn't 100% clear. I was gonna pay for my mother to have her own hotel room.

[Squirrel698]

No you're not selfish for wanting for what you want.  I can't say I blame your girlfriend.  I don't know a single girl who would sleep with a guy that brings his mother along. 

If you're almost 21 when are you allowing your mother to dictate to you how to live your life?  Why do you only have a permit not a license? 

As for T situation, it sounds to me like you need to get into therapy.  If that's what the endocrinologists requires.  It's not that hard really.

[SilverEagle]

No you're not selfish for wanting for what you want.  I can't say I blame your girlfriend.  I don't know a single girl who would sleep with a guy that brings his mother along. 

If you're almost 21 when are you allowing your mother to dictate to you how to live your life?  Why do you only have a permit not a license? 

As for T situation, it sounds to me like you need to get into therapy.  If that's what the endocrinologists requires.  It's not that hard really.

Im not "allowing" her. I have no choice. Im in my last year of university now. I have a job. But I can't afford to leave. I only have a permit because my job just wasn't enough to get a decent car. I have settled for having a cheaper car but my mother pretty much wouldn't stop saying how it would stop working unless I got a certified car to be protected. She just has control issues. But I live with her so couldn't do anything. Because I just got my job this year, Im going to get my license. Otherwise I wasn't going to be able to afford insurance to have my lisence.

I WAS in therapy. For over 6 months. But my therapist was no good and in the end had no intentions of helping me after misleading me. So I wasted a lot of money with this therapist.

[spacerace]

Im not "allowing" her. I have no choice. Im in my last year of university now. I have a job. But I can't afford to leave. I only have a permit because my job just wasn't enough to get a decent car. I have settled for having a cheaper car but my mother pretty much wouldn't stop saying how it would stop working unless I got a certified car to be protected. She just has control issues. But I live with her so couldn't do anything.

You're 22 and you are going to give in when your mom wants to be in the hotel room next door for the first time you have sex with your girlfriend.

Time to draw line.  Worse that happens is she kicks you out.  Now, how likely do you think that is when she insists to be with you for the above?

Plus if she does, you have a job. And savings. You could buy the cheap car and get on with your life.  So - in short, if there was any point you should stop giving in to her - it would be this one.

If nothing else for the sake of your girlfriend.  She does not want to deal with this mother attachment stuff, I guarantee it.   

Don't enable your mother.

[Contravene]

Are you living in the states? Just curious because I've never heard of a car rental company allowing someone to rent a car with only a permit much less drive it. I tried to rent a car with only my permit once and they turned me down. Usually you need a license for that unless you have another adult riding with you. It would be a waste to pay for a rental car then not be allowed to legally drive it.

Maybe your mother is just insisting that she come along because she knows you want to be intimate with your girlfriend and is trying to prevent that.

If you can't talk sense into your mother and don't want to draw the line yet, would it be possible for your girlfriend to come visit you instead? It probably wouldn't be ideal but you could pay for her to stay at a hotel near you and it would eliminate any excuses your mother might make about wanting to know where you were going.

As for the therapy situation, you should have switched therapists a long time ago rather than sticking it out for so long with one who obviously isn't meeting your needs. I've heard other guys say that from their first session, they make it very clear to their therapist that their goal is to start T and they only need therapy to help them along with that process so the therapist complies and gets them on T as soon as possible rather than making them wait years for it. If you make it seem as if you're unsure of your desire to transition, the therapist will probably be unsure of whether or not they should allow you.

[Adam (birkin)]

You're 22 and you are going to give in when your mom wants to be in the hotel room next door for the first time you have sex with your girlfriend.

Time to draw line.  Worse that happens is she kicks you out.  Now, how likely do you think that is when she insists to be with you for the above?

Plus if she does, you have a job. And savings. You could buy the cheap car and get on with your life.  So - in short, if there was any point you should stop giving in to her - it would be this one.

If nothing else for the sake of your girlfriend.  She does not want to deal with this mother attachment stuff, I guarantee it.   

Don't enable your mother.

This this this. I do have some empathy for your situation, I wasn't able to afford to move out in my final years of uni, but yeah. spacerace is exactly right.

[Lex]

You're 22 and you are going to give in when your mom wants to be in the hotel room next door for the first time you have sex with your girlfriend.

Time to draw line.  Worse that happens is she kicks you out.  Now, how likely do you think that is when she insists to be with you for the above?

Plus if she does, you have a job. And savings. You could buy the cheap car and get on with your life.  So - in short, if there was any point you should stop giving in to her - it would be this one.

If nothing else for the sake of your girlfriend.  She does not want to deal with this mother attachment stuff, I guarantee it.   

Don't enable your mother.

THIS completely.  With parents like that, their control issues and attached ways DON"T end just because you move out.  You need to assert yourself and draw a line in the sand, otherwise it will go on and on.  It's also a state of mind for the child/offspring.  My mom has that kind of relationship with her mom and even though she says her mom is a "b" word and complains constantly she STILL puts up with it and in a way can't help but gravitate towards her mother and want her approval.  It's a two way road, the enabled and the enabler.

Also, if you live in the US there should be no reason to not have your license because of insurance.  I didn't really understand that part of your post. 

As someone else said rental car companies are pretty strict on who they let rent in the US as far as I know. Some places don't even consider it if you are under 25 or if they do they make you pay a huge fee.