Quote from: Barbara Ann on June 05, 2007, 11:18:44 AM
My dear wife asked me that question; and I couldn't verbalize a good answer -- I just know, that's all! Another one she asked: "Why can't you match your mind to the body you already have?"
I came out to her a little over a week ago, and we have had a steady, good dialog. She asks something every day. I just can't put my words around the concept of being a woman; and my wife deserves an answer she can understand. She is trying hard to be supportive and loving; and I can see that she is trying to digest all the info and emotions of this. I wait for her to have a question, then I try to give her the best answer I can.
I'd love to hear your ideas and experiences with these type questions.
Tongue-tied Barb-
How do we know who we are? What makes us feel that we are the gender opposite of the one assigned at birth? If we could answer these questions we would have a lot more acceptance and understanding amongst society. In the immortal words of Popeye the sailor, "I yam what I yam and that's all that I yam." IMO, all your wife needs to know is how you feel about yourself and how you view yourself when you close your eyes. the sky is blue, the grass is green and we are transsexual. It is just the way it is. Most people don't like that answer and refuse to believer that it can be that simple.
You don't owe anybody, regardless of who they are, anything more than open and upfront honesty. elaborate detailed reasons for this, that, and everything else usually end up confusing everything with way to much information. Most of which may or may not even be true. don't feel guilty or shameful for being you. You have done nothing wrong by wanting live your life in peace. if anyone can't deal with that then it is their issue to deal with, not yours.
Let me give you some questions, that I got hit with when I dropped the T-bomb, to ponder.
How long have you known? Why didn't you tell me sooner? Are you gay? Who else knows? Don't you trust me? Has our whole relationship been a lie?
These are just a few of the little charming questions I got hit with. I went into self-preservation/denial mode and answered every question just the way I knew the person would want them answered. I spared their feelings in the hopes of "taking it slow" with the whole transition idea. Ultimately this was worse than just being honest with myself and telling her the truth instead of what she wanted to hear. what would have helped even more is if I would have faced the truth myself instead of playing ostrich with everything.
as much as I loved my ex-girlfriend, I put her through emotional hell. Every time she found out a little more it was as if it was another lie had been uncovered. It was very hard for us both because we had a great thing together but my own denial and willingness to compromise my very being brought it all to halt. This is how I learned the lesson having to love ourselves before we love someone else. Now that I have reached this point, telling the world who I am is no longer about keeping people at bay and content. Now it is all about being completely honest and speaking from the heart.
This my experience with the concept of coming out.
