family issues

[dejan160]

Hi all,

I don't know if this is the very best place to write about this, and if it is not I beg the moderators to move this post to another section. I am having some serious family issues and I would like to share them with you. Just talking about it will help me a lot, and perhaps somebody will be able to give me a good advice.
The problem I am having is related to my sister and I don't know how to deal with it. It is causing me great deal of suffering. She has been my business partner for several years now. Obviously she knows about me. Her main problem is that she is overweight, as a student she used to be a terrible one so on top of her cosmetic "issues" she is having intellectual ones She is very sadistic in her relations with people, I believe because of her self-image. I have been always very nice to her and have been tolerating her, but the last year she is becoming worse then ever. She has decided to destroy me, and she is using my transsexuality as a way to do it. Everyday she is telling me how ashamed of me she is and she is telling everybody that I am transsexual. She is so nasty and keeps on telling me everyday that I have been punished by god being trans. I was handling the situation well, but she started stilling my money, and I have come to a point of telling her that my only option is to press criminal charges against her. I asked that we separate as business partners but she is refusing and keeps on insulting me every time we meet. At times her complexes come to surface and she tells me that I am better looking and more intelligent then her but I just cannot fight against her.
I have decided that even though she is my sister the healthiest option for me is to split the relation up, and continue my path without her. She has already outed me everywhere and there is nothing more she can do to me. I always stay calm when she is insulting me and I tell her in the end, I agree with everything that you said and I just want you to get away from my life. I tell her that I will take her in court and press criminal charges against her but she pretends like she doesn't care and the problem is becoming chronicle. I really don't want to put my sister in jail, or to go through a court process with her. I just don't know what to do and how to act.

[Athena]

Sorry to hear about your issues. Try a civil case first that way you might get your money back and dissolve the business partnership with out having to go twice in front of the judge and it will hopefully keep your sister out of jail.

[dejan160]

Thank you for your reply. I think that I will avoid the court as long as I can. Today I had a great success dealing with her and I made her sign that she will no longer be able to operate the bank accounts without my signature which was a great progress in securing my money. My next step is setting a new company and separating the business with her.
When it comes to outing me it is amazing how people don't believe it. I used to be a very masculine guy, with bodybuilder's physic and very masculine face. Somebody told me today that I remind him of my sister's brother I said that we look totally different and the person agreed. I think that people will think she is crazy for saying that I am somebody else who has underwent sex change and has appeared in a totally different shape...

[Athena]

hope it works out well for you

[dejan160]

Even though I managed the financial problems I still feel a lot of resentment especially for outing me to my business partners, to my family and friends. I really don't know how to deal with it.

[Jamie D]

I would consider hiring a forensic investigator, and follow the money.  If she is stealing or embezzling, it will catch up to her.

But yes, the relationship has turned toxic.  You need to protect yourself: legally, financially, emotionally, and physically.

[Athena]

If you can isolate yourself from her. I know she is your sister but if she wants you in her life she had better learn how to act like one. You don't need extra BS from her right now.

[dejan160]

I was thinking a lot and I came to a conclusion. She has been nasty all of her life. I don't think she will ever change. But I must act smart, so I decided to stay nice with her until we separate and then just totally isolate from her. I will forget about the money she has stolen from me and just isolate from her. That will be her worst punishment. And the outing problem is there. I can not change it. Some people will believe it some will not. At the end of the day it is my own right to be whatever I want and people who can not accept it have a problem not me. But still I feel so bad....

[Athena]

Sorry to sound cruel but she's the problem so don't you feel bad. Maybe it is exactly what she needs. Right now you need to look out for yourself and she has to look out for her. It sucks having to isolate from family but sometimes they make it impossible not to.

[E-Brennan]

A nasty situation, and I'm sorry to hear about it.

That said, from a practical perspective, it's time to see a lawyer who deals with small business matters.  What she's doing will ruin your business and might even put her in danger of criminal prosecution.  Nip it in the bud, for her sake and yours.

[dejan160]

I know it is a terrible one. But I am not willing to play her game. Every day I feel stronger. I will try to avoid the lawyers but I will slowly be isolating from her and continue my own path. I think that I will be much happier without her. I think that if I involve lawyers and courts the situation will just become worse....

[dejan160]

Sorry to sound cruel but she's the problem so don't you feel bad. Maybe it is exactly what she needs. Right now you need to look out for yourself and she has to look out for her. It sucks having to isolate from family but sometimes they make it impossible not to.

Thank you for the advice. I deeply hope that she will learn something from it all and that will make her a better person. I think that life is too short to let somebody play nasty games with me

[mrs izzy]

I know it is a terrible one. But I am not willing to play her game. Every day I feel stronger. I will try to avoid the lawyers but I will slowly be isolating from her and continue my own path. I think that I will be much happier without her. I think that if I involve lawyers and courts the situation will just become worse....

Glad you are postive with your feeling of yourself. Way to go and do not let others drag you to there level. Just one thing, she might be using the fact of who you are back aginst you.  In the fact of playing the fear factor on you to steal from you. I know you said you wanted to keep the courts out of things but the crime of obtaining money or some other thing of value by the abuse of one's office or authority is extortion.
Sometimes we need to make a stand for our rights of being humans over family.

Izzy

[Athena]

I think that life is too short to let somebody play nasty games with me

Absolutely

[dejan160]

Thank you  for your support

Today I was with her at work and I had a feeling that i want to vomit. I can't stand her. On the other hand she pretends like nothing has ever happened. At moments I thought what kind of person is she. A total emotional idiot or what? How can she expect that the things between us can be normal after it all....

[Kristal]

I've seen these signs before. Your sister may be a sociopath. And before you go all "Oh come one, what are the odds of that?", let's take a look at some numbers.

1 in every 1000 people are transsexual.
1 in every 25 people are sociopathic.

It's more likely than you think.

Stealing, petty taunts, trying to "destroy" you, lack of empathy, sporadically shaping up and asking for forgiveness and pity, and most importantly, a complete lack of true remorse. These are all warning signs of sociopathic behavior. The sooner you distance yourself from her, the better. I doubt she will miss you when you're gone, and you should feel the same. Life is too short to waste on terrible people.