Introduction

[Natalie_D]

I've posted a few messages in other topics, but overall I'm new to the site and wanted to introduce myself. I'm a 29 year-old likely transsexual, who has struggled with this issue for at least 15 years. I'm in Chicago and don't know any girls in the community and have never met a trans girl in real life. Id welcome making that connection if anyone is willing.

My story is probably a lot like others'. For years I have watched these forums from afar, watched other girls' youtube videos, learned everything there was to know about transition, hrt, ffs, and srs. I've dreamed about having a female body and wondered what I would end up looking like at the end of the process. However, all along I've told myself that I am not really a transsexual because my interests were so sexualized. Probably not more than three days have gone by in the last decade where I haven looked at trans-related material online. However in almost each of the moments, I've been turned on by what I saw and I used it as fodder for arousing myself. This has convinced me for the longest time that I'm not a transsexual but just someone with a fetish, maybe an autogynephilic.

The reason I'm coming to doubt that now is the sheer length of time this has been going on, which represents an enormous portion of my life. When I've tried to shake it, I've not been able. So now I'm reevaluating and considering that perhaps this is a real thing, and that if it is, perhaps I should consider transition.

I'd love to hear from you all and meet you.

[CalmRage]

Almost the same here, except it wasn't that much sexual on my side. One could say obsessed, but that obsessed, no. I'm just a bit confused. I am also unable to leave this place. I've been informing myself for years too, but i think i might just be more uncomfortable as a girl, so i'm just another cloudcuckoolander, it seems.

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

Hi Natalie,

Welcome to our little family. Over 7124. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister.

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Janet  )O(

[Miss Jill Thorn]

Hi Natalie, welcome to this site, hugs and greetings from Miss Jill in Alabama

[Aina]

Hey Natalie I am pretty new to the forums myself and pretty much exactly how I was for a long time - When I was a bit older around my teens, and up to this very day I use to go to Transformation Gender type sites. Which may or may not be familiar to Transgender places. To be blunt they were fetish sites of guys or girls changing into the other gender (Magically or other wise). Normally people post things in media, art or literature. I mostly stayed away from Transgender places, because I didn't really think I was TS. But for 20+ years I wished/dreamed/wanted to be female even before I found out about TG art ect.

I don't think it is easy for any of us to figure ourselves out, and its even hard to come to the conclusion your TS.

Anyway welcome, I am still trying to figure out myself also so if you ever wanna chat or share feel free to PM me.   

[Sammy]

Sexuality is very normal part of one's life. There has been a huge theory about transsexualism and how it relates with  ->-bleeped-<-, it was heavily criticised later and now is considered out-dated. Yet, some points raised there still stand valid – most of us find the idea of being in a female body and having an intercourse with another female and/or male exciting. And that is pretty natural too... 
Also, I wanted to add that a lot of us had those first masturbation experiences (there was an interesting topic in Sexuality part of this forum), where we basically acted as we were girls. I believe this is somehow related to our brain wiring and it not being able to send the ,,right" (in our case wrong) signāls to other parts of our bodies. I could be damned, but when I was teen I just could not figure out what I was supposed to do with ,,it" to get that ,,happy ending".  Yet, the idea of rolling up the blanket and then riding it or pulling it over me was much closer to me... /blushes/ And I was ashamed of that, because back in those days I did not know about GD or transexuality/transgender. So it was about sex and me being a female there, which meant that I was ,,probably" gay.  Probably, because I was never attracted to men in my boy/men mode, rather disgusted. A lot of confusion back in those days and they kinda deterred me from doing anything – as well as my internal shame of myself and not being ,,normal". 
As regards now, I am pretty sure that I want to undergo SRS with all the consequences. Does that make my intention to transition ,,sexually motivated"? Well, is not a cis-girl expecting the same, when her puberty starts and she gets interested in boys? If she is not, then she is probably lesbian, but that's another side of coin, so... We might wish to deny it, but sex and sexual innuendos are everywhere – ads, commercials, small everyday encounters here and there, the way we look u pat other people, the way we move – how we are perceived...Sex and gender, gender and sex... The concepts are different but they are closely interwoven

[Aina]

Right. So do you think our enjoyment of that material invalidates us as trans?

Honestly no. Because there still that desire at least for me to be female. But I understand were your coming from. We are about the same age I just hit 30 on the 7th and ever since then my "norm" has been in a tail spin. Were going to a certain board, looking up specific artist on deviant art to see if they made any new piece use to be enough to settle me out, I now find myself less interested in that and more interested in me and why I am the way I am and that has got me all sorts of confused.