Told my mother and some friends

[Mary81]

Sorry for the long post.

Last weekend, I worked up the courage to tell my mother. This was a huge deal for me. As I have written before I had tried to tell her when I was a teenager. However, before I had the chance to, one of her siblings came out as TS. My mother's reaction was so bad that I decided I could never come out myself. This caused a lot of anger on my part towards her and we basically had absolutely no relationship for nearly 15 years.

Anyway, the conversation was crazy. She was shocked at first then started to cry and kept saying "You will always be my son". Not an overly great sign. I talked to her again on Tuesday. This time we had a pretty open conversation and I feel like we addressed a lot of our problems. She apologized to me for her reaction to her sibling and said that she is really upset that she hurt me so much. That she was sorry for not seeing this when I was a child, especially since it is so obvious in retrospect. She also said that she loved me as a son and that she will love me as a daughter just the same. We agreed that we would really try to address our problems and to fix our relationship. I will try not to get my hopes up too much, but I seriously don't think it could have gone better. It has really lifted my spirits.

Later this week I also decided to start telling some of my close friends here. So far everyone has been very supportive and accepting. I plan to tell my father this weekend and some more friends next Monday. I am a bit scared about telling my dad. I think his reaction will be less positive, though I am sure he will come around in time.

Well, I just wanted to share that.
Mary

[Devlyn]

I think it's going pretty well. If things get bumpy, you can remind Mom that you both agreed to work on the relationship. The best news is that the coming out process is well underway, and you only have to do it once. Good luck with Dad, hugs, Devlyn

[Ltl89]

I think things are going pretty well for the beginning.  Congrats!

[Mary81]

Hello everyone,

So an update to my previous post:

Since writing the first post, I came out to my father. It was pretty horrible. I tried to tell him at first on Sunday night, but lost my nerve when my step mother came home. On Monday I sent him an email saying that I had something I wanted to discuss with him that I didn't get to talk about on Sunday and that he should give me a call when he has time. Because there is a fairly significant time difference between where I live and my family lives, I figured he would call on the weekend. I was wrong. He called just as I got home from work yesterday. The call caught me off guard and I was pretty unprepared. I started by telling him that I love him and that I have been having a hard time. Thinking it would sound better in a clinical manner, I told him that I was diagnosed with Gender Identity Dysphoria (this is how I told my sister and mother). Unfortunately, he didn't know what that was. So I had to get increasingly specific, until I finally said that I want to live as a woman. His immediate reaction was surprise, then disbelief, then horror. He asked me if I could just take testosterone to fix my imbalance. Then he asked me why I would want to be a woman. There were some other questions along this line, but it is unimportant. Finally he said it was his fault, that he is sorry that he wasn't a good father to me, and that he didn't understand how his life could have turn out like this: my mother left him to be with a woman, my sister is a lesbian raising his grandson, and now me. He wasn't angry, just beside himself. I tried to reassure him and apologize and I asked him to call my sister. In the end he did tell me that he loves me and that we will find away through all of this.

I was just talking to my sister now, and it seems no one has heard from him since. I am a little worried. I love him so much and it hurts me to know that I have made him so upset. I know I need to give him some time, but I am quite worried.

Thank you for reading this.
Mary

[skin]

Hey, Mary, could be much worse right?  I told my Mom months and months ago and I am no where near ready to tell my Dad, so kudos for even working up the courage to do so.  Obviously, his response wasn't positive, but I think it is encouraging that he is sort of accepting blame for it and has no anger towards you.  Hopefully, in time you can educate him and he will accept it is not something that could have been fixed by him.  The important thing is that he said he still loves you and thinks you can find a way through it.  I know it hasn't been perfect, but congrats on making progress.  Stay positive 

[Mary81]

Hello Skin,

Thank you for your nice words.

You are very right, it could have been much worse. I just feel guilty for hurting him and worried about how he is doing, especially since he didn't contact my sister after having promised me to do so. I live very far away and my dad is not in great health, so I panic a bit about him. He really is a good man and I love him very much.

In any respect, I just received an email from my mom saying that the two of them were talking over yesterday and that while he is sad, he seems to be accepting of me. He also borrowed a book on transsexuality that my mom bought and read last week. So, it does seem he is making an effort to come to terms with me and my situation.

Mary