out in the open

[tammygirluk]

Its been a long time since i started cross dressing and its only been this past year iv acepted who i am and im happy with who i am.

ever since i was 16 iv been hiding who i am untill one day my parents found out i own womans clothes

my dad thinks its some kinda of fetish and my mums not happy about it but still they dont understand and i still have to hide who i am

im sick of hiding who i am now and im sick of having to act how others want me to.

its not only the cross dressing its things i want to see on the tv too if there is anything on tv and it has gay people in it or lesbians or crossdressers i have to look away and ignore it because my parents think that kind of thing is sick.

im not gay but im ok with gay people

i hate having to ignore it just becuase my parents think its sick.

i just want to be me and i want to keep comfortable watching the tv without my parents keep on at me how sick things are.

They dont stop to think about other peoples feelings.

Im realy on edge right now and im sick of hiding who i am and what i do and im sick of not being myself.

I realy want to get everything out in the open with my parents but i dont know how too.

god knows how i can tell my mum and tel her how i feel becuase when ever she gets mad at me she calls me a crossdresser out of spite "she says it like im bad for being one".

it realy hurts when she does that.One night i was sitting here watching a movie with my dad and my mum called me a crossdresser out of spite ,my dad heard too but he tried to ignore it and me well i couldnt stay in the room i had to shut myself away in my room.

i know i would feel so much happier if i could be myself and crossdress and not have to worry about hiding my clothes and seaking stuff in the house.

i just dont understand why people can be so nasty over items of clothing. clothing doesnt chage anything im still my parents son and wwhy should clothing make them think of me any less.

[Cassandra]

Hey Tammy,

Fact is you live with your parents and as long as you do they get to call the shots. I'm a little confused though. You say you want to tell your parents but you mother calls you a crossdresser out of spite. Which is it? Do they know or not?

If it was me and my mother called me a crossdresser out of spite I'd be inclined to say something like "Gee ma, you say that like it's a bad thing." Or in my case I might say "No I'm a transexual a crossdresser would still be your son, I'm your daughter."

Either case would get a dialogue going if nothing else. Why look away from gay or TG people on TV just because they think it's sick? Hey, if your watching something like Will and Grace get into it and laugh and never mind the parents.

If your parents are not respecting you maybe it's because they think they can shame you out of this. When you run off to your room you are reinforceing this behavior because they think it's working. Show them it is not, by showing that you don't care. Just don't validate that judgement of you or others who have a lifestyle they disagree with. Ultimately they will have to deal with you and who you are. But only if you stop reinforcing the notion that you can be shamed into their mode of thinking.

Just my 2 cents.

Cassie

[Debtv]

Right on Cassie,
Hon, as sad as it is true.....your happieness is up tp you. Beleive me, you are not alone, Why do thay say tg are strong? Because we have to be.

tammygirluk....mellow out....life is long.

Love
Debtv

[tammygirluk]

They know i have womans clothes but as i said my dad thinks its just a fetish.we havent realy talked about it but i just want to get it out in the open.I know its thier house but i have feelings too so why should i have to hide them im 22 not a kid anymore.

[AnneW]

Hi Tammy:

It sounds like life in your house isn't all that pleasant.

It is possible that your parents will never accept you as you are.  I don't think that people fundamentally change.  They may change their attitudes with new information, but if they are closed to learning about GLBT issues, then nothing is going to change from their point of view.

To my mind the best solution is to find yourself a place to live where you don't have to go by the house rules of your parents - easy for me to say. It is indeed their house and they have the right to say what goes on there.  The same would hold true for you if you had your own place and they were visiting - you could set the rules.

I wish you the best, and hang in there.

Anne

[tammygirluk]

Hopefully someday soon i will have a place of my own so i can be myself but untill that day i will just have to setlle for dressing up in my room or when no ones around.

just hope i see the day that i can be myself and have a place of my own.

[Cassandra]

just hope i see the day that i can be myself and have a place of my own.

.

You will if you put your mind to it.

Cassie

[Shelley]

just hope i see the day that i can be myself and have a place of my own.

It something to work towards Tammy. I find it easier to have something to focus on so I can stay on track.

Shelley

[stephanie_craxford]

You are 22 years old, the fact is you don't have to hide anything, and they shouldn't be in your room either, their house or not.  I'm not sure on the legal side in the UK, but are you lodging and paying rent?  If so then they have no right to tell you how to dress.   If you are not lodging, and paying rent, it may be an option for you to consider.

Steph

WWotN

[Terri-Gene]

Tammy, one of the first things you have to learn and accept about all of this is that you have to take control over your own life and take what you want from it, nobody is going to simply give you the right or the permission, you must impower yourself to do what you feel is best for you in the long run, no matter the dangers, pitfalls and uncertainties of the shorter term.

To successfully transition, you must first of all Believe in yourself without question and secondly, trust in your conviction, and 3rd, follow through with the steps necessary to accomplish it.  If you question yourself about the necessity of this, then it may be best to back off, and if the sacrafices you will have to make are to much to pay in your mind, then again, it may be best to back off.  Go through with it or not, once you come out you will have forever changed the course of you life, so you must be totally sure of what you are doing.  This should all be worked out with the help of a good therapyst, who will help you focus on your life priorities and the gains and risks of those priorities.

Terri

[Cassandra]

If you question yourself about the necessity of this, then it may be best to back off, and if the sacrafices you will have to make are to much to pay in your mind, then again, it may be best to back off.

I couldn't agree more Teri. There is no halfway for a TS. You are either in or you are out, if you're not sure then you need to reevaluate your position. This is a serious deal with permanent consequences for those who are uncertain. Be sure, be very sure before you proceed further or you will have the rest of your life to regret it.

Cassie

[tammygirluk]

Im realy sure that this is what i want.Iv been batteling with this for a long time and its only been in this past year iv accepted who i am and what it do.

I decided i want to carry on crossdressing.I know some things have got to change.I dont want to hide any more and im not going too.

i dont pay any rent so if they want me to leave then its fine i will get a job and rent a place.

on friday im finaly going clothes shopping to get what i want and i couldnt do it before becuase i was worried about what the sfatt in the shop would think but i could be buying that stuff for my gf or sister for all they know.

[Terri-Gene]

You gotta get over fear of what the staff in a store will think Tammy, you're going to have to deal with many more serious things as time goes on if you really feel you have to go this route.  Staff in a store is cream cheese in comparison to what else is out there.

The best advice anyone could give you is find and talk to a good therapyst before getting to deep.  The therapyst can help you focus your thoughts so you can determine if you are up to it and truely need to do it.  Don't just go jumping in without truely thinking things out.

Being "out" doesn't mean just to some close friends and family, it means total and complet public identification, nothing about it hidden from anyone.  The humiliation alone is enough to run over many in the beginning.  You have to know yourself inside out and not be overconfident in your abilities and resources.  Plan first, you need a secure job that will keep you and a place of residence you won't be thrown out of, and even if you have all that, don't assume that you will keep it, things happen and things get rough, it is a matter of how much you are willing to go through.

In regards to the feelings of shame and humiliation in the beginning, look at it as a learning process.  The shame will receed as you learn to actually accept yourself with the knowledge that you can do nothing else, likewise with the feelings of humiliation, but think on this, the humiliation factor is something all women have to deal with throughout life, and during this humiliation period you are simply learning what it really feels like, in part, to "feel like a woman".  Learn from it and grow in strength.

Terri

[tammygirluk]

I dont think you have t come out to the public unless you want to crossdress full time which i dont.I think its ok to come out to your friends and family if it means theres a slight chance that you can be youself in your own home but theres also a chance things could get worse at home becuase of it.

I stopped seieng my counciler but i shall return if they will have me back
so i can talk about my issues regarding crossdressing.

crossdressing is something i want do at home

[gina_taylor]

Hey Tammy,

I'm really happy for you that you've come to accept who and what you are. The toughest part now is for your family members to accept that part of you. But like most have said it will take time and patience.

But like everyone has said, coming out is a big step and it means to eevryone and not just to your close friends and family. I've totally come out to my town, and everybody knows and I feel absolutely no shame by it, and it actually makes me feel better.  Let people think what they want to think is my motto.

Gina

[Cassandra]

Let people think what they want to think is my motto.

Amen to that Gina. One should really not care what other people think. Sure in the context of Teri's thoughts on the matter there are people whose thinking can affect things like housing and jobs. It is a tough road but there are other houses and other jobs so what one person thinks shouldn't matter, especially if you are willing to deal with the consequences. That's the important thing. Can you deal with the consequences? If the answer is yes then you have taken a giant step forward.

Cassie

[tammygirluk]

im not in the position to take the full  consequences becuase if i got kicked out of my home then i wont have anywhere to go.

the first step im taking friday im going shopping then hopefuly friday when i get back from shopping i will talk to my mum about it then if all goes well i can be myself at home.

if all goes wrong i will have to get job and get out.

the big step which i will take but not this side of xmas is being a full time woman.

[tammygirluk]

i went shopping today i managed to go in to a womans clothes shop without worrying.I brought a nice camisole top which is a lovely colour blue. no one looked at me like i was weird.I told them that i was a gift i was buying for someone.

I didnt manage to talk to my mum.

im going to wait untill iv talked to my counciler first.

[Lisabeth]

Congratulations Tammy,

You did it!  It gets easier with practice.  Some of the girls here had some great suggestions and pointers.  If you've got a good story going in it's all the easier.  Here's one I used just recently to by a bra (It's a Lisabeth original).  I walked into a Hanes store with my cell phone up to my ear and said things like,  "uh-huh, uh-huh, let me ask the girl" and then I turned to the sales clerk and said, "my wife wants to know if you have an underwire bra in a 42-C"  the sales girl said yes, and I talked back into the phone and said, "yes they do, what color did you want" it went on from there a bit and then I pretended to say good-bye and hung up.  It worked great!  The sales girl even commented about what a nice husband I was for doing that for my wife.  Try it sometime!  It's a great way to break the ice.  Talk to you soon and welcome to Susan's.

Lisabeth

[tammygirluk]

What i said when i brought a camisole top yesterday i walked in to the shop and walked up to the lady at the till and said that i was looking for a camisole for my sister as i ruined her other one and she belived me and showed me the range of camisole tops they had.

I think i will find it easier each time i go shopping for womans clothes.
It doesnt bother me now if the shop assistants think they clothes are for me becuase im happy with who i am now and people can think what they like when i go in to shops to buy womans clothes.

Womans clothes are so nice n soft n sexy.If i had a choice i would ditch my mens clothes n only wear womans clothes.