I feel scared out of my wits! I'm out to my friends, I'm out to my immediate family, I'm even out at the University - which led to today's momentous decision...
I'm completely in the closet at work. I've heard the casual comments about the transgendered where I work and while most are not generally full of bile there are enough to make me aware that it is a very negative state of being in the majority of their eyes. The best I've witnessed is benign ignorance based on a complete lack of understanding of what it means to be transgendered. I hoped to stay closeted as long as possible before inevitably seeking greener pastures (hopefully in my field of study!) later on.
Unfortunately (Fortunately?), I discovered a coworker was enrolled at the same institution and worse yet in a similar location to where my classes are as well. It's amazing I never bumped into her as of yet on campus and the idea that she would meet me as myself, without any understanding, scared me to my core. I pictured running into her in the ladies and her screaming at me!
Fearing the worst possible outcome from staying in the closet, I chose to tell her of my situation... and begged her not to share it. All I kept thinking about was how Texas has no legal protections for transgender people and it is acceptable grounds for termination of employment. She said she understood and my secret was safe with her. She even had a smile that seemed to me to say 'it's okay, I kinda guessed it already...' I hope that's what it was anyway, rather than something more sinister.
In short, I hope this is just another domino I have to knock over to achieve the change I need in my life; and not the first nail being driven in to my coffin.
