Intimacy with others

[Tanya W]

I've had a couple weeks to think about this. I'm not sure if your "forbidden" realm is the same as mine (mine is most decidedly actual physical contact that requires the removing of clothing), but I'm still torn about whether I actually desire to go into my own forbidden realm with anyone, or whether what I desire more is just to feel like everyone else or rather, to feel "normal".

When I wrote this, I was thinking primarily of psychological intimacy and the vast psychic territories that have been forbidden in my interactions with others - my trans experience certainly being part of this. Over the years - and especially recently - these territories have become more apparent to me and also more expansive, which means my interactions with others, my intimacy with them has become much more constricted.

I could just as well have been talking about physical intimacy and its corresponding forbidden zones, though. Though I don't have any conscious rules around physical intimacy in my life, it is painfully interesting to note that (1), like you, I married someone who is uninterested in sex (even contact much of the time), (2) because of the psychological isolation mentioned above, I don't have much opportunity for physical contact with others, (3) when this does arise, I am a bit uncomfortable and (4) I also see this discomfort arising whenever my body is more apparent to others (i.e.: the swimming pool that I now avoid). So maybe there are some very real forbidden zones around the body for me...

Is this all, as your friend suggests, in my head? I don't know, but I do know the pattern of isolation that winds its way through all of this is very much a mental response to how I feel gender-wise. And it probably saved my life / sanity at some point. Lately, however, what I notice is the occasions on which I challenge these forbidden zone, in which I venture into them a bit and share what is going on with (some very carefully selected) others, are becoming more and more highlights for me. I feel better when I risk these zones - even the physical ones - when I risk intimacy.

Frustrating thing is, the 'forbidden approach' is well ingrained, it runs deep for me. It's a lot of work to be aware of situations in which I can be more intimate and even more work to take advantage of these. It has been happening, though. A bit. And it's been very very worthwhile.

[Emo]

I was never comfortable in the sexual role I was expected to fill.  It just did not feel right, and my mind was often elsewhere.

Some evolutionary biologists will argue that we exist is individuals to pass along our DNA through sexual reproduction.  That, in fact, coitus is the most important thing we do, because it propagates the species.

I like to think our existence is more substantial than impregnating one another!

wheres the like button.

OT
i have had this issue. but more so because my parents keep me indoors a lot. very controlling.
but when i did get into intimate situations, i found that i am a giver.
i have developed this sense of need for pleasing others in those situations rather than myself.
a lot of my guy friends talk a lot about it as pleasing themselves. but i never really cared much for that.
this is why i think my girl self is bi. lol.
satisfaction in others happiness is my thang no mater who they are.