Allons-y

[transgressingwaffle]

Well, I suppose this is as good a place to start as any. To start, I have never been on a board such as this and well, I will let my past speak for itself. I currently am 21 year old genetic and I grew up in a strict Southern Baptist background. When I was younger (about 4 or 5) I would make believe I would turn into a girl and see how people would react about me being female. These thoughts never quite went away. When my parents first found out about it in the third grade they said not to tell anyone I was having these thoughts and to stop having them. Their advice obviously did not work. Fast forward about four years and I continued to have thoughts of turning into a woman, except now I was sexually aroused by the idea of becoming a genetic female.

I again tried talking to my parents and after getting a lecture and feeling berated I tried to control myself the best I could. Off and on the next few years until my junior year of high school, I would keep the thoughts at bay. However from the time I was about 17 until now, I can not seemto get these thoughts out of my head.

I guess the reason I am here is because I don't know what I am. I can not talk to my parents and I have no one else to talk to about this. I have heard of the term  ->-bleeped-<- (and I understand that is a bad word in places like this) but I think it may have the symptoms of what I am experiencing. Throughout high school and even now I have always been depressed and even when I was skinny I felt like I was too fat. I don't know if these are signs of dysphoria or if it is attributed to my general anxiety disorder/OCD/ tourettes syndrome.

At the end of the day I guess I just want someone to help me figure out who I am. Am I really transgender or am I just some pervert based on the fact I am a crossdreamer or is the  ->-bleeped-<- (crossdreaming) something that is caused by ->-bleeped-<-. Sorry for any spelling mistakes but I need help. Please and thank you.

[transgressingwaffle]

derp, in the post it is supposed to say I am a genetic male 

[JLT1]

TGW:

I'm voting trnasgender.  I don't think it is unheard of to find trans-women who, at some point in the realization process, didn't feel the same things you are now feeling.  In the words of one poster: "Why would someone not be sexually excited at imagining themselves to be what they really are?".  I can go along with that.  I do believe (and this is just me) that at some point in the transition process, that will change.  I would suggest a therapist who is familiar with transgender issues.  If you are trans, you will need one eventually.  Take some time now and find a good one.  And ask a lot of questions of us as well!

Hugs,

Jen

[transgressingwaffle]

Thanks Jen, the thing is, I am still on my parents insurance and I would have no idea on how to bring up I need a gender therapist. I am seeing a regular therapist to help with my depression (which is better since I have upped my prozac dosage) and my lack of motivation. Someone was saying this could be possibly caused by dysphoria, or am I completely incorrect in that assumption? And thanks again for the help. It feels good to talk this out.

[Jamie D]

If you have not been on the site before, here are some links that will help you get around:

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I think it is quite clear you fall somewhere under the "transgender umbrella."  Where, remains to be seen.

One of the things that makes me think this is that your gender dysphoria is persistent.  It's not a perversion.  There are a number members here who have similar conditions.  I think we can help you sort things out, but I am sure you already have a therapist.

One more thing, "autogynophilia" is a thoroughly discredited theory from back in the days when psychiatrists thought we were crazy.  We are not.  We have a birth condition.

[transgressingwaffle]

Where would be the best forum for me to fit in? I don't want to post anywhere off topic. Also, thanks again for the links. I read through them

[Jamie D]

Anywhere!!  I think the most popular boards are MtF Talk and Transgender Talk.

After 15 posts, new aspects of the site will open to you.

Just surf for a while and figure the layout.

Welcome!!  BTW, my name is Jamie and I am pleased to meet you. 

[transgressingwaffle]

A pleasure to meet you as well Jaimie I will definitely try to get more involved when I have free time which is kind of rare.

[Jamie D]

We are always here ... 24/7/365

[Natalia]

When I was younger (about 4 or 5) I would make believe I would turn into a girl and see how people would react about me being female. These thoughts never quite went away (...)
(...) Fast forward about four years and I continued to have thoughts of turning into a woman, except now I was sexually aroused by the idea of becoming a genetic female.

(...) I can not seemto get these thoughts out of my head.

I guess the reason I am here is because I don't know what I am.

Pretty much these parts you wrote are very typical of gender disphoria (GD). The desire to be a woman, to have a woman's body and or to be able to freely express your feminity.

You said this feeling is stucked in your mind. You should seek professional help from a gender therapist. If you can't see one, I think you should try to work with what you have, even if it is not the ideal thing to do.

You could try to talk about it with your therapist. She can help you or recommend you to a gender therapist, who knows?

Transitioning depends of the degree of your GD and how much do you want to be a woman or how much do you feel you can't live anymore as a male. I is a very though decision and it needs a long time to think about it. There are people for whom only crossdressing is enough and there are those for whom this isn't even close to reasonable.

Anyway, one of the biggest steps was already taken by you, that is coming here. I am sure the vast experience of some girls here can help you a lot with your questions.

Welcome!

[LordKAT]

Welcome to Susan's.

My son had a cat and named it waffles. I asked him why waffles and he said because he dropped a dreamsicle on its head. Sometimes it feels like that kind of confused when trying to figure out where you fit in the world. I'm glad you are here and I think you will find a lot of information and helpful people.

Personally, it sounds like dysphoria. Your therapist may be able to help you sort this out. You just ask them if they have ever dealt with any LGBT people and judge whether they may help that way. You don't have to find another therapist if this one works for you.

[EllieM]

Thanks Jen, the thing is, I am still on my parents insurance and I would have no idea on how to bring up I need a gender therapist. I am seeing a regular therapist to help with my depression (which is better since I have upped my prozac dosage) and my lack of motivation. Someone was saying this could be possibly caused by dysphoria, or am I completely incorrect in that assumption? And thanks again for the help. It feels good to talk this out.

Have you broached the subject with your current therapist? Hey, listen Dr. Hackenbush, have I told you that since I was a little boy I have wanted to grow up to be a woman...
Sounds to me like you are TG. The anxiety and self loathing you are expressing here... it smells like gender dysphoria to me. If your curent therapist is not the one to deal with your gender issue, he/she could refer you to to someone else better equipped. You would not have to bring that up outside your sessions.

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi transgressingwaffle,

A big Aussie welcome to Susan's family. It's good of you to drop in and say "Hi". Hope you like it here, and you stay for a while.

There is a mountain of information, resources and friendship waiting for you here, you just need to jump in start talking and ask any question you like. You're quite safe here and we are very accepting.

Your life's story is so common, you shouldn't have any problems fitting in. And the last time I checked, I don't thing  ->-bleeped-<- was a banned word here.

Looking forward to hearing more of your story in time to come, but in the meantime, be safe, well and happy.

Lotsa huggs
Catherine

[JLT1]

Thanks Jen, the thing is, I am still on my parents insurance and I would have no idea on how to bring up I need a gender therapist. I am seeing a regular therapist to help with my depression (which is better since I have upped my prozac dosage) and my lack of motivation. Someone was saying this could be possibly caused by dysphoria, or am I completely incorrect in that assumption? And thanks again for the help. It feels good to talk this out.

Hey,

Sorry I haven't gotten back to you  I really haven't been tackling tough topics as I've been a little depressed.  That happens when my dysphoria acts up and I feel like I haven't been going fast enough or I'm frustrated about my progress.  Or, when I want all of this to end so I hide for a while. It's not an easy life and being transgendered as I am, makes it even tougher. I think that answers your depression questions.  It's normal.

Why not, the next time you are seeing your therapist, find out about who, if anyone, he is obligated or would talk with about your conditions.  If the answer is acceptable, try talking to them.   If they can't handle it, they may know someone who can.  If the answer is not acceptable, keep doing what you are doing.  There are so many people here, someone might know a therapist in your region that you could talk with.  Make a pos, get some suggestions and start calling. 

In the mean time, Post like a depressed person with lots of questions.  Like I did a couple years ago.

Hugs,

Jen

[transgressingwaffle]

Thanks for all the replies guys. It is nice to feel welcome I will say one thing I left out is I do feel comfortable in my male body at least I think. I guess what I'm trying to say is I have never wanted to self mutilate in order to look more like a woman if you know what I mean. What i'm trying to get at is I'm wondering if I'm not transgendered because I am for the most part comfortable.Or does my other symptoms negate this? Also, I still have not had a chance to go back to my therapist at the time, but I will take your guys suggestions.