Hello, I'm Michael and I just joined...

[MB7]

Hello all...
   I found this wondering how to meet transgendered women... I was looking for dating sites and came across a thread from this site that I was going to comment on but can no longer find now that I've signed up.
   Anyways, on that thread I read much distrust and despondency... I am a male who is attracted to women and pre-op transgendered women... I'm not looking for some fetish. I'm looking for something real... something romantic and enduring. To this end, if I were to meet someone to whom I was attracted, and this would necessarily be both psychological and physical, I would want to take it slowly... if there's one thing that I've learned, it is that when you look too hard for The One, you do not find them.
   I'm not here thinking I'll meet someone. I don't know that I could begin a relationship on-line... typing seems so impersonal. It can be so easy to misinterpret the written word, not having the vibes and body language... the smiles and gazes of interest or the despondent looks of hesitation or aversion.
   My question is where does an earnest man meet pre-op transgendered women who are looking for something real?
   I wish you all well, and though I'm not sure how much time I'll spend here due to my preoccupation with my current studies, I do hope to meet a few friends here. I look forward to meeting you.
   Michael

[Cindy]

Hi Michael,

We are a support site for gender dysphoric people and we are not in anyway a dating site.

Woman here have a general deep distrust of men seeking relationships with transgender woman.

I shall allow you to post but will cancel your posts if there is any disrespect.

that said!

Hi, and welcome to Susans! We have people come to visit us from all over the world, expressing different points of view, and you are likely to find someone to help you along your way Here are some important links and things to ponder as you begin your journey here.

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar/post links and photos)
  
• Age and the Forum
  
• Reputation rules
  

Cindy

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Michael,

A big Aussie welcome to Susan's family. It's good of you to drop in and say "Hi". Hope you like it here, and you stay for a while.

There is a mountain of information, resources and friendship waiting for you here, you just need to jump in start talking and ask any question you like. You're quite safe here and we are very accepting.

As Cindy mentioned, Susan's is not a dating site. You are more than welcome to stay if you have a genuine interest in TG matters and can be a positive influence in the community's wellbeing. Otherwise you may become bored, when you could be expending your energies more profitably in a more appropriate site.

Looking forward to hearing more of your story in time to come, but in the meantime, be safe, well and happy.

Lotsa huggs
Catherine

[LordKAT]

I'm curious. You mention wanting a relationship for a pre op woman. So do you leave when she finally has surgery?

[MB7]

We are a support site for gender dysphoric people and we are not in anyway a dating site.

Hello Cindy... I assure you that I am not here to date... quite the contrary, though I can certainly understand hesitations. Thank you for the welcome... In fact, I'm but a person in the midst of the human condition as are we all... simply looking to understand in a world of misunderstanding.

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar/post links and photos)
  
• Age and the Forum
  
• Reputation rules
  

Cindy

[MB7]

I'm curious. You mention wanting a relationship for a pre op woman. So do you leave when she finally has surgery?

Hello Kat... I guess what I meant was a woman who was comfortable or pleased being where she was... to be honest, I'm not presently sure how to answer this question...

[Arch]

to be honest, I'm not presently sure how to answer this question...

That's all right; neither are a lot of "preexisting" partners of trans women.

[MB7]

There is a mountain of information, resources and friendship waiting for you here, you just need to jump in start talking and ask any question you like. You're quite safe here and we are very accepting.

As Cindy mentioned, Susan's is not a dating site. You are more than welcome to stay if you have a genuine interest in TG matters and can be a positive influence in the community's wellbeing. Otherwise you may become bored, when you could be expending your energies more profitably in a more appropriate site.

Thank you Catherine... actually, I'm studying to be a counseling psychologist... I'm sure I could learn a great deal here... that said, also because I'm studying to be a counseling psychologist, I may or may not spend much time here, not due to lack of interest, but rather due to time being spent on my studies... Thank you for you kind words.
M

[Jessica Merriman]

A big warm welcome to Susan's! ( ) If you stick around and listen to the conversations and underlying feelings of us pre ops you might find a better understanding of us and what WE look for in a prospective relationship as well. This could maybe help you if figuring everything out. I welcome you if you are serious about learning, but be aware that our moderators are a good bunch and will not let any harm come to us. Just be honest with all of us and if learning is what you are here for, most here will help out to some degree. It will take a little longer for us to trust you because of why you are here so don't get upset for our caution. Trust will come with time and you could learn so much about us and how we think and why we are a cautious group. A lot of us have been hurt really bad and many carry deep scars. Just be respectful and things will work out just fine. So dig in and learn all about us.

Ps-I am starting the Psychology program at O.S.U. and am a retired Paramedic.

[MB7]

Hello Jessica, I hear your apprehension... I too feel apprehensive with my vulnerabilities. Perhaps I should share a little more... I believe that for all of us humans, sexuality and gender identification are on a spectrum... As for me, I can neither say that I am straight, nor can I say that I am gay... in fact, I cannot even say for sure that I am bisexual. I have also questioned my gender. I have had times in my life wherein I felt that, perhaps, I may be transgendered myself... but these times have come and gone more than once, leaving me confused. Currently, I feel comfortable being male. Could this change? Perhaps. If I am honest with myself, I really don't know. I'm not the most masculine man in the world, nor am I the most effeminate. Where it really gets confusing for me is my sexuality... I generally am only attracted to women. I can find some men attractive in a way, but I've yet to be attracted to a man on any deeper level in the way that I've been attracted to women with whom I have fallen deeply in love in my life. Sensually, I have enjoyed giving oral sex to men, but have felt awkward when receiving the same. Thus, when it comes to relationships, I don't know that I could fall in love with a man in the way that I have fallen in love with those few women with whom I have truly fallen in love... Life is a confusing journey... may we continue to learn and to grow...

[MB7]

Ps-I am starting the Psychology program at O.S.U. and am a retired Paramedic.

Congratulations! I wish you well on your studies of Psychology...

[Jessica Merriman]

Why do you have the need to label your sexuality? It is yours, do with it what you want. The transition process has opened up a lot of avenues for me to go. I don't worry about what I am or aren't. I am just looking for the one who will accept me, sincerely care for me and complete me and nothing else. Labeling is something society does to you and you don't have to play along with it. It is none of societies business what I do or who I do it with. Make sense? Labels to me force compliance, just be fluid.

[MB7]

I agree with you in part, Jessica, but then labels also help us to contextualize or normalize our experiences... I'll give you an example: I struggled for years with certain emotional turmoil. I overcame this turmoil through introspection and meditation, and am now finishing up my M.A. in counseling and considering going on to my PsyD. When I was taking Abnormal Psychology, we watched this video about Borderline Personality Disorder wherein people who had this disorder were describing their experiences. At that moment I knew that I was once Borderline myself. I understood and related to most of what these people were saying. Recently I took the MCMI and I had subclinical elevations on the BPD scale. When I watched that video in class, I felt a wash of peace flow over me simply because I had a name to call what I had dealt with in my past and am still dealing with, albeit on a much subdued level. I no longer have BPD. I overcame this on my own, but having a label for it somehow brought me peace re some of my past behaviors and instilled a sense of gratitude and pride that I had overcome it.

[MB7]

So with sexuality... I need to understand where I am... who I am... because we all have expectations. If I am an ambiguous confusion, then this may bring discomfort to whomever I may end up with... whatever their sex or gender, they may feel insecure being with me if I am unable to articulate where I stand. It's too bad that it can be so difficult to articulate our sensual desires without sounding offensive to some... it's one thing if you are speaking with someone with whom you have developed a trusting relationship... it's quite another when you are typing on a forum to which many people have access and you can never know the myriad experiences, both beautiful and traumatic, that those people have had and thus filter their reading of your words...

[Cindy]

I doubt whether there is a single person on this site who has not been traumatized.

We accept with open arms everyone who has been and who loves those who have been.

You are safe here.

We only ever protect our members from being further traumatized or disrespected.
To join this family you one need one thing.
Love.

You are safe here.

Cindy

[Jessica Merriman]

As a medic I believe in labels for disease and illness because it points us to treatment specific responses to the pathogen or process involved. Otherwise I think when people label things like sexuality it leaves them little wiggle room and does not allow for changing feelings and interest's. Just my humble opinion of course. I would not want to be locked into a specific profile and miss something coming at me that is special and loving. I just want love, commitment and security with whoever provides it for me with actions and feelings for my safety and happiness. I of course want to return those feelings as well. Maybe I am to some point a romantic and chalk my feelings up to that. If you need a label that is fine and you validate your observations about it well. I think the reason I am so against labels is I was labeled as a male and expected to tow the line as one in life. This was of course over my objections as I have always thought of myself as a female since around 7 years old. I have never even had a dream where I was male. This should of course be psychologically impossible as dreams are subconscious imprints of daily life events and stressors. This may be one of the things that differ between our thinking, because we were repressed by labels early in life and your experience's have not been the same. See, we are learning about each other already. Most of us here don't like labels because of what they meant in our formative years. Hmmmm, interesting.