Just some questions

[ClaudiaLove]

Is it possible to be a transsexual (initially I wrote 'transgender' , but I found that transgender includes ladyboy , >-bleeped-<s , porn/sex related persons  and also gynephilia , and I focus on the transsexual issue) without the 'right ' brain ?  I mean ,for example ,if it is possible to be a real  girl  , as MTF  if  you don't have a female brain ? Apparently the 2d 4d rapport and other palm indicators are pretty accurate in determining that . Does a person have some kind of a 'spirit ' that feels independently of the body structure and pressure to act like the gender of the brain ?

Does the brain impose a gender identity or is possible than the 'nurture' factor and other environmental factors , including some voluntary 'advantages seeking ' as a girl to establish a gender identity (a clear  one or a mixed androgynous one ) ?

Also what do you think in the possibility that , even if is is thought to be hard , apparently is possible to change voluntary/involuntary  your gender identity ?

Is it possible to help the brain accept , or to convinced it that you are what you feel/want to be , or to enhance the gender identity  to a gender spectrum extreme ?
Does anyone believe in the power of hypnotherapy , positive thinking  or other stuff like that ?

I know that every opinion expose what someone think , what information a person have , what a person believe in , including some religious beliefs , that may affect someone perception . I think it is a connection between the initial / current feel about self , the social pressure and the opinion one would have .
For example , I met a tg that said she felt sure she was  a girl since ever , and she doesn't believe you may shift your gender identity , your understanding of self or something like that .
Maybe it is because she is at the feminine extreme of the spectrum , and I envy that very much , but also maybe it is a perception , a memory which plays the role of a unchangeable law , she beliefs in this and that is what the belief  does to her perception .
Maybe is about an induction that you can't change because you are afraid of loosing who you are (I have that fear )
Clearly the tg I speak about had has some doubts and even a period when si wanted to abort the transition (maybe from more reasons ) and also has a few male features in personality and style , traits and looks , even that they are feminized .

[cynthialee]

It is said that if you are not transsexual before you transition you will be one at the end of your transition.

You obviously are in a state of worry and panic. It shows in your recent posts.

I suggest you have a tea, listen to some music and maybe take in a bubble bath.

As for this wall of questions I have no solid answers for you.

I do think that if you were not some form of transgender you wouldn't be here asking these questions. It wouldn't agonize you so much if you were cis-gender. You wouldn't give it much thought at all really.

Read these forums. Look at old posts and see the evolution that happens when a person transitions.

I hope that you can find some peace hun.
hugz

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Claudia,

I would be too hasty to hang your identity on such an unproven science of second/fourth digit relationship and other palm formations. Nor would I be to inclined to hang my shingle on someone else's identity who demonstrated such inconsistency.

Essentially the brain the master architecture of our thoughts and feelings. It's the driver, seldom driven. It's the brain that drives the nurturing response. Nurturing doesn't drive the brain.

As it has already been suggested its time for a bubble bath. Before you get ready for the bath, make a worthwhile investment in yourself and get a copy of "The Female Brain" by Dr Louanna Brizenden. It may go a long way into understanding why we do the things we do.

Huggs
Catherine

[eli77]

Is it possible to be a transgender without the 'right ' brain ?  I mean ,for example ,if it is possible to be a real  girl  , as MTF  if  you don't have a female brain ? Apparently the 2d 4d rapport and other palm indicators are pretty accurate in determining that . Does a person have some kind of a 'spirit ' that feels independently of the body structure and pressure to act like the gender of the brain ?

Currently, there is no solid evidence of what a "female brain" or a "male brain" entails. The things you describe are only tendencies, and some, like say math skills, have become more questionable, not less, with further study. The best we can say so far is that we are fairly sure that there is some kind of gender distinction between brains, we just don't know exactly what it affects: http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn20032-transsexual-differences-caught-on-brain-scan.html

Does the brain impose a gender identity or is possible than the 'nurture' factor and other environmental factors , including some voluntary 'advantages seeking ' as a girl to establish a gender identity (a clear  one or a mixed androgynous one ) ?

Again, we aren't entirely sure. The theory is that transsexualism is caused via a problem with hormone washes during gestation. Possibly with environmental factors (like stress) and genetic factors (some evidence of hereditary tendency) both playing a role.

As far as "advantages seeking" . . . honestly, it's possible. There are, for example, gay dudes in Iran who go through with transition to avoid being executed. I'm not sure the results are very positive though. Under less extreme conditions, I'd generally expect there to be SOME kind of underlying cause that would lead to a desire to transition. But whether it is right for the specific individual, only they can say.

Also what do you think in the possibility that , even if is is thought to be hard , apparently is possible to change voluntary/involuntary  your gender identity ?

The first? No. There is pretty conclusive evidence from failed reparative therapy to indicate that voluntary change is not likely. The second, it depends what you mean. Can someone force you to change your gender? No. Can your brain evolve or change over time? Apparently, yes. Check the link to the study above, it discusses the issue of late occurring transsexulism a bit.

Is it possible to help the brain accept , or to convinced it that you are what you feel/want to be , or to enhance the gender identity  to a gender spectrum extreme ?

I think it's definitely possibly to either fight against or learn to accept what you are. And I also think for some who are somewhere other than on the extreme of the spectrum, we often compromise in order to find a way to live comfortably within our binary society. I mean... I am perceived as a girl, I have pretty mixed feelings of comfort with that. But all alternative options seemed worse.

Does anyone believe in the power of hypnotherapy , positive thinking  or other stuff like that ?

Yes. There is some pretty definitive evidence that "mind over matter" is no joke. But it does have some pretty major constraints. Helping you accept who you are? Sure. Helping you alter who you are? Not so much.

I know that every opinion expose what someone think , what information a person have , what a person believe in , including some religious beliefs , that may affect someone perception . I think it is a connection between the initial / current feel about self , the social pressure and the opinion one would have .

You are absolutely right. So full disclosure: I was assigned male at birth, I went through an extensive transition (i.e., I am legally female and post-op), I am also non-binary. I've known that my body was wrong for as long as I can remember, but I certainly don't fit the definition of conventional femininity--I'm an andro gay girl. I am agnostic. I prefer to keep an open mind, and be as non-judgemental as possible. I try to avoid displaying opinions as hard evidence, though we all slip up sometimes. I am strongly in opposition with people who want to create a box around "how to be trans" and tell everyone else they are wrong.

Finally, I did try to answer your questions, but personally I kind of think they are all a bit... well, unhelpful. This whole thing... it's not really at the stage of "what's true according to scientific fact" because we just don't have that info. Instead it's more of a "what do you want?" kind of deal. So... what do you want to be true? I think that's where you'll find your answer. Best of luck, I'm sure you'll find what you need. It may just take a little while.

[ClaudiaLove]

Thanks for your warm answers , I appreciate them a lot .

I don't know , I still struggle a lot , I feel that if I disconnect totally ,i will fade away , as a woman and as a person alive , and I will living the same meaningless/genderless life like before , painful and boring . That is how I went from 18 to almost 25 years old and I don't have a single happy day to think of : no friends , no dates , no going out in the city , no parties . I isolated and resigned myself that my life would never be happy , that is why I value this period so much , my self managed to escape from the dark , I felt like I could get some happiness , that is not too late . But now I realized that is not that easy accepting myself , I just don't want to be who it seems I am , I hate myself ,I would like to be 'normal ' -a 'normal girl ', my personality hates my brain and body basic structures as it seems that clearly , no matter how much I want to hope I will never be the way I want .

Although , when I first hear about living in virtual lives , it sound like something weird and that could never make you feel good , now I am thinking this an idea for me .I heard about those paralyzed people who can't move at all , and they live their lives in computer 'games' , like Second Life , there they can be whoever they want to be . And it seems that the method works , those people get a ray of happiness as the brain is fooled that the virtual life is the real one .



About the bath , as I said I still have to work till around mid February as a truck driver , so no bubble bath for me right now . now I am in France In my cab , just waiting for Monday to come to start working , just an awful life, an error I made  in the quest of money and escaping home/parents .I just walked a little in the city right now , the weather seems to express my mood , cold and rainy .There was that thought that bothered me a lot , as I feel that I associated myself with men in movies , like Rambo , who always looked cool going sad in the rain  . I don't know if it is because I liked them as men , although back then I inhibited that thoughts , or because I wanted to look that cool  .
I know it  sounds weird , but since childhood , I associated with this kind of men , sensitive , with a good heart , yet still men , I liked the roles they played , they were treated unfairly , I liked the sad stories and how they managed to overcome their obstacles .
Anyway  , I hate the idea that although i never liked violence or war/fights games, like boys did , I had male heroes in my early life and they are still haunting my mind.
Maybe it was because I didn't have much movies to watch as a kid , but anyway is clear that from many reasons I didn't felt that a girl would be my model at that time .
I even had some kind of misogyny
I don't know if that shows what I am or was just a choice in the social pressure , but I definitely would want to feel that I associate with women . . .
Even now , I can't even watch movies anymore , as I find it difficult to associate myself with the girls characters , even though I don't fully associate with men , I tend sometime to visualize myself as one of them . It is so frustrating and demoralising
I would wanted so much to be one of the girls that clearly state from an early age that they are girls , yet I clearly was not and I still feel different from other girls .

Sometimes I got cold chills when I realize that for me the transition was based on wish and the thought that I could do it , maybe even on the misunderstanding of the transgender concept . I realize now that I might have no base as a girl as far as the brain goes , I had the childhood marked with male pressure and yet I do want to be a girl .It is so panicking and painful thinking that maybe is just a mental disorder , enhanced by my obsessive personality , and that the cure would be not to transition like transgender people , but to solve those problems . I feel so bad about this , clearly I am not a 'man ' neither and also I don't want to find some refuge and peace of mind in careers or hobbies . For me this is the only possibility , and I am scared at the thought that people are malleable and I probably could live as a boy , focusing on hobbies and other stuff and feeling ok . I just don't want that , I don't know how to explain it .
Beside , whatever it is that I am , It is clearly settle in me since childhood and probably didn't emerged fully yet , so I will be like this forever , no matter how I will try to avoid it .
I guess it is a little like giving up an addiction :it seems  necessary and is possible that you will feel ok after you escape it , finding other things to do and enjoy , but if the addiction is not bad - why to get rid of it ?And then what is really bad ? 
Beside , for anyone , the love life is a part of life , and for me the man role , even a gay one , doesn't fit me , not only sexual but emotionally and by all other standards . I never had a relationship so far , because I felt the pressure from the partner to 'be' a man , and although I didn't come out as a girl yet and a few people know about my issues , I always hoped that someday I will start living as a girl , so I broke the relationship even before it started .Maybe I should have tried one with a man that accepted me as a woman , but I am so scared of men sometime , I 've been bullied by my father , not to mention pressured and embarrassed to rise at his expectations for a macho boy .
I hate my parents so much , (I know many would criticize that) , but I really do .
I know the universe is to blame for the way I was conceived , and that also I have major guilt in my development , but the parents are the people I blame most , as it was their choice to have a baby and they shouldn't have abused me so much just to become their trophy boy in front of their friends . They told me so many times I embarrassed them , and I was such a good child , I sacrificed so much in order to make them proud ,I didn't live in a big city , I didn't had friends (because they were 'bad influence'), I stayed In school , so my parents were the closest people (unfortunately )


Anyway I will try to relax a little , the plan stays the same , going in my country , seeing a therapist , we will see how that goes
At the moment it seems that I will have to accept the idea that I might be some kind of transvestite , born from some sexual obsession, and that makes me wanna kill  myself .I got cold chills just saying that and feeling that I slowly get to believe that .Just a month ago I was so sure I am a girl , and now I feel so messed up . I feel so alone and I feel that I will go crazy , but that is impossible now as I went over that edge back in 2010 .Even though the psychiatrists said there were nothing serious ,just a depression ,  for me it was hell , I managed in society the same like before but in my mind there were a lot of fear and pain .
When I will finish working here I will clearly need to do something else to support myself , so although I am pretty excited of a new beginning I am also scared , if it doesn't work well I will be soon just another homeless person (in a way I am homeless now  , but I have the cab to live in and some money to sublet a place when I will settle somewhere). I will try my luck in something related with photography , movie production , although I am kinda old now and also I lack some degrees in education , When I was 17-18 my main concern was to escape from home and from the colleagues that made me feel unfit .
I guess some friends are very important in times like this , so I am glad I found your community here .I felt rejected so many times , even though they didn't got to know me , I didn't say a word about all this thoughts in my head and soul , yet I wasn't able to make any friends in a long while , all I get are either people interested in fetishistic sex ,( which would be ok , but I don't feel I am a girl just for sex , I want someone to understand me , to support me and to get the full life of a girl  ), or people that doesn't understand my struggle , or trans girls that somehow make me feel less of a girl by comparing with them and their stories .
It is interesting what power a man which treat me as a real girl has on me , I feel like I soften and get peaceful and happy . I got this idea , yet I don't know if it is true , that the people who inspire more femininity like me makes me feel in a masculine way and the people with more masculinity that me (even in the trans community) make me feel better , more confident and more girly , I allow myself to behave naturally as a girl .

I wish you all a good day /night , at least here in France is night now  and thanks again for your kindly listening and supporting me , I really need that .

[cynthialee]

You are not alone.
This issue can cause us to go through some seriously twisted mental gymnastics. Getting twisted up in it all is a trap for the mind.

This part says worlds about your gender hun:

what power a man which treat me as a real girl has on me , I feel like I soften and get peaceful and happy

What man could say this?

[ClaudiaLove]

Finally, I did try to answer your questions, but personally I kind of think they are all a bit... well, unhelpful. This whole thing... it's not really at the stage of "what's true according to scientific fact" because we just don't have that info. Instead it's more of a "what do you want?" kind of deal. So... what do you want to be true? I think that's where you'll find your answer. Best of luck, I'm sure you'll find what you need. It may just take a little while.

Hi , thanks for your answers ,
About the "what do I want ?" , that is exacting the problem I struggle with , I feel that I want to transition , I want to be a girl like every other on the street , but I am really concerned that I am not a girl physically (by brain , genetics , and other stuff that control us ).  Also , especially if I am not a transgender by brain gender , and because although I was a sensible child I didn't associated with girls as much  (I enjoyed staying with them , but I didn't stated clearly that I am a girl like most of you did ), I got this idea of the possibility of being a transvestite , which just makes me feel awful.
What I want to be true ? I clearly want the most in the life now to be a girl , but sometime I feel like that guy in Hot Fuzz who said that in the summer of 1979 he wanted to be a frog
I don't want the transition to be like a piercing or tattoo , a choice in the physical area ,driven by a fetish or taste. I want to feel that I really am , to have some scientific proofs to calm myself , but nowadays I feel it really difficult , the science seem to be against me and the feels are mixt , I don't dare to compare myself with the trans people who always felt that way , who were stable and visible in their gender, and also I am not comfortable being in the mixed gender area .
It is clearly something socially here , I want to be someone or at least that my gender doesn't stay in my way , if I will be a masculine transgirl , most of the people will not accept me (especially in countries like Romania) , and I will feel embarrassed coming out as a girl . That is why I would like to be more like the beautiful girls in looks and style , to mingle and pass easier as a girl .
My brain gives contradictory thoughts , maybe because of such an intense and prolonged struggle .
I sometime feel like an intruder , like a fake girl profile just to get in this world .
I don't want to choose to live as a girl , i don't want to be a matter of 'what do i want' , but 'what am i ' , especially now that i learnt so much about transgenders . For example just a few months ago i didn't focused much on the real girls , i had the idea that trangenders are somewhere in the middle of genders , that they have traits from both gender extremes , and that was ok , i felt in a way that it does represent me . Then i found out and meet online some trans girls from my country who were sure they were girls since their childhood , and they acted like that no matter what . By comparing , i feel like i am much inferior to them , and that makes me very sad , i am obsessive , i want to be the 'best', so the thought i will be transition into a girl could never rise to the level of femininity of other girls is very sad . I wanted to be a real/full girl before , but i was ok at the thought that this is the situation : no trans girls would be as feminine as cis girls . After i found that is possible to be as feminine as any other cis girl , i got so frustrated and depressed . This is where the 'i want' comes . I want to be a girl just like them , but apparently i am not , i felt before that i miss some style and traits , but i thought they were lost in my growth as a boy , and that i could revigorate them . But after i found you have developed or not the part of the brain that controls that , and seemingly i don't have it , i feel so no worthy .

My struggle seem clarify itself up here , in a way i feel that i found what bothers me most .But it is possible i got it wrong and also i clearly haven't a solution for it . The ' i'll have to get used to it ,accept it ,  live with it ' just doesn't calm me now.

[ClaudiaLove]

This part says worlds about your gender hun:
What man could say this?

Thanks for encouragement

[ClaudiaLove]

A picture from France

[ClaudiaLove]

[Jessica Merriman]

Hi Claudia! I just want to add this from my experience.
I knew from earliest memory I was a girl. My physical body said no, but something deep inside did. I was not in an environment that would have put this thought into my head. In fact, I was made to act my physical gender no matter what, so there was absolutely nothing telling me to be a girl. Anyway I hushed up the inside voice for 40 years and it almost killed me. Denying what I was took a physical and mental toll on my body. I was always conflicted, moody and a complete ass. I ended up with no friends and no life. The day I accepting the voice telling me I was female, everything changed. Life became crystal clear in seconds. I decided to transition and since then I am a whole new person. I skipped Part Time and went Full Time in my presentation and have never in my life felt so free, clear in my mind and a whole new person. I now have friends who actually want to be around me, I have more energy and I feel normal for the first time in my life. My physical health issue's are gone, vitals are normal and even my blood sugar level is normal without meds. The best part is I don't have constant mental arguments with myself over the logicality of transition. I have a hard time seeing myself as male now. I feel natural and know this was the right thing for me to do no matter how crazy it all sounded before. Hope this helps a little.

[suzifrommd]

I have a very male brain. I approach problems like a male, compartmentalize emotions like a male, and often have a male interpersonal style.

I also feel like a male most of the time.

But I'm 100% trans.

I've lived fulltime as a woman for the past seven and a half months and have been thrilled with my transition every minute.

The part of my brain that determines my internal gender, insists that I be a woman.

No positive thinking, hypnotherapy, or behavior modification will change that piece of my brain. No one has EVER come up with a therapy that makes transgender people not want to transition, and thousands have tried.

[ClaudiaLove]

Thanks for your nice words , I appreciate them a lot .



That is me , I have no make up on (I still practice that art) . Anyway , the male features are strong but I hope I will get some FFS soon , I really feel that it will help me pass as a woman  and also it will help my self acceptance and identity .

I feel that a picture associated with a profile can take a conversation and a connection to a higher level .

[cynthialee]

omg hun if that is you I can not wait to see what a few months of estrogen will do for you!
You should not worry so much.

[Jessica Merriman]

That is really you?!! Honey, you will have no trouble passing at all. You are in total male fail, honestly!

[ClaudiaLove]

Thanks for your words , I don't get appreciated so often so I feel happy 
Anyway , my face is way to masculine . For example in Romania , if I ride in a bus and I check all the boys' faces  , they might be one or two who has a more masculine face , the rest seem to have so feminine delicate and cute features . I feel awful and unlucky that me , trying to pass as a girl I have such manly features .
I tried to find some clinics that do ffs , and I found many , but they are really expensive . I really need a forehead/eyebrows recontouring , a rhynoplasty and some chin/jaw surgery . Also my adam's apple is huge but somehow I don't worry too much about it , although maybe I should , I tend to approach the features independently , but the equilibrium is delicate and all features , no matter how small ,may have a huge effect on the impression a person makes , often unconsciously we feel attracted or we associate a gender with someone for a feature we don't observe consciously .

[cynthialee]

Somewhere around in the forums is a before and after thread. You really need to go hunt it down. It is rather startling just how dramatic a change HRT can be in many cases.
I also have plenty of male traits, but like I said before, I never hear 'sir' or 'he' or any other male gendering.

Transition changes more than just your appearance. It changes your energy and how you feel about the world. Which results in people perceiving you differently.

[eli77]

My brain gives contradictory thoughts , maybe because of such an intense and prolonged struggle .
I sometime feel like an intruder , like a fake girl profile just to get in this world .
I don't want to choose to live as a girl , i don't want to be a matter of 'what do i want' , but 'what am i '

Oh jeez, I could have written that when I started out. I think most of us hit a point of feeling like that. Is this real? Am I real? I don't fit this and this and this so I can't be real, can I? Yes, you totally can.

Lets flip it around okay. How many dudes want to be girls? Like seriously. That is SO not a thing. That you want to transition, that you want to be a girl, that is potentially proof that you are, kay? That's why I asked what you wanted. Because... really, you kind of ARE what you want to be. At a certain point, none of us know for absolute sure. That's often where that over-certainty you heard comes from, from suppressing all doubts. But we all got doubts. In the end I just decided that it was worth the risk. I mean what did I have to lose? I was so unhappy before anyway... *Shrug*

I would never say "do transition" to anyone. That's totally a personal choice, and one only you can decide. But I also don't think you should be like "I can't transition because I am not 100% absolutely perfectly sure of everything forever." Cause nobody is, love. We all are just trying our best to find the right path.

Also... you may be surprised what HRT can do. I had so many fears about how I'd look, too. And while I did, in the end, choose to have facial surgery done for my own sanity, I was out and passable before that.

[ClaudiaLove]

this is even worse  , I can see a 'man' and I hate that.(not to mention my huge bodybuilder hands , I hated them before for looks now I hated even more since they remind me all the time of that 2d 4d and other science facts that messed me up )