Hello! My name is Aleksander and I'm a bisexual FtM, and i have been out for a year. I'd love to be able to talk to some other trans* people, especially teenagers, so feel free to talk to me
I started questioning my gender for the first time when I was 12, though I was careful to keep quiet about it. By the time I was 13, even while I wore makeup and acted like a girl in school, I dressed up as a boy every day when I was home alone. It became an obsession -- I did almost nothing but think about when I could next dress in drag without getting caught and how I could be better at it. I didn't know what transgender was until I was fourteen, and for a while I didn't know there was a such thing as transmen. As soon as I found out about it it felt kind of right, but I was still really confused and scared. I was very depressed and started to self-harm by this point, though, so I was desperate enough to accept it. After talking to some trans people, I started binding with ace bandages (DON'T do that, it's quite dangerous) during my after school crossdressing. I always had this weird sense of my body being somehow wrong, which ranged from mildly uncomfortable to dehabilitating (I know now it is dysphoria), and I started being sure I was a boy when I realized how it was a LOT better when I was binding and presenting as male.
My mother figured out that I am trans* on her own after finding ace bandages in my room and forced me out of the closet before i was really ready to come out. She totally lost it, and while my father was a lot calmer about it, he wasn't exactly thrilled either. (My little sister was eight at the time and didn't care at all XD) My mother is very unsupportive (she never did like me so she has no reason to be kind now I suppose) and transphobic. She has repeatedly threatened to kick me out, but I don't think she'll actually do it. Still, my home situation is really quite miserable and unpredictable. I can't wait to move out and start T!
At school, however, everything has gone quite well. The only one of my friends to react negatively has since switched schools, and we no longer talk. I don't have many friends, but the rest have been totally fine with it. My main issue is that I don't pass at all so people have trouble with pronouns and I have to come out to everyone new I meet... I don't know what I'm doing wrong, though, so I can't fix it. Ugh. I'm scared that without T I won't be able to pass when I leave for college, which is one of my biggest goals. If anyone has advice that would be great!
Thanks for reading my post,
Alek
