Well, I've been carrying around this idea in my head for some time, and I need to finally get it "on paper."
For a long time I was resentful of people that transition. For me, the reasons are obvious, but maybe not for all of you, so I'll elaborate.
People that transition from m2f or f2m, are brought up in a way that is harmful to them in most cases. But, they are left alone physically until they are able to make their own decisions.
For myself, or people like me, that is almost never the case. We are physically brutalized from birth on, mostly by the medical establishment.
People that transition are able to comfort themselves with a thought. Their birth sex was a mistake, or a physical anomally, or something that needs to be fixed. They change from "this" to "that" and can have a clear cut beginning and ending. A starting point and a goal.
Someone born like me has none of those things. If most of you can raise your voice to heavens and cry out for healing, you know exactly what it will take to heal you. But when you are born like me, what am I to cry out to the goddess? Exactly, what mistake did she make? She made me like this on purpose. What other conclusion can be drawn? I was not meant to be like you, nor you like me.
I know what it feels like to be both a woman, and a man. I don't know what it feels like to be both male and female. I know what it feels like to be neither.
I don't fit into your neat little world, nor was I created to do so. Neither do many other people like me. We have always been amongst you, even if your type have not.
WE are kindred spirits, but seperated by a gaping chasm of belief and physical reality. We are allies, but yet in many ways, you allign yourselves with my enemies. Such is the mystery of the human condition. We are a dichotomy.
We get dragged into all of labelling that you put forward, and dragged into your battles with the establishment seeking entry into their binary system. We are proof that neither gender, nor sex are binary in nature. We are proof that there is diversity in sex and gender, and that there ought not be categories. There ought to only be people that you are or are not attracted to. People that you are compatible with or not.
We get caught up the system the medical establishement has created to cater to you. If we seek surgical correction for a birth condition or a surgical correction to a surgical alteration from our youth, we get channeled into your treatment programs, and we don't belong there. Nor do we desire, nor should we conform to the standards that were created for your benefit.
In essence, because there are far more of you than us, we get kicked around in the system because of you. And our needs and desires are different in many cases from your own.
So, it has taken many years to reach a comfort level with people that I meet here. Only by developing relationships with people that are from the group that has caused people like me trouble, am I able and willing to get beyond that initial resentment of the advantages you have over myself. I am able to move beyond that victim mentality that the system has created in me.
We are all called to look beyond the facade we are given to the souls that reside within. This place has enabled me to do just that, and I am a better person for it.
So, I give thanks to all of you that make this place viable on a daily basis. And say I'm sorry to those that have felt the bite of whip on occasion. I also have my moments.
Peace!
