Effects that remained

[Jonlajoie]

Hello everybody!

So some time ago i was really keen on M2F transition. I tried a bit of hormones and i felt great (was attracted to women clothing long ago). But then later i got scared (like many do) and tried to evaluate the price. Since so many things depended on me (like my family and my job) and lack of support and resources (like money and people that would understand this) i decided to stop transition until its too late.

So i chose the M side... After like two or three months of estrogen.

So i have all these things now that probably will not go away. I have wider hips, stretch marks on my legs (they started widening fast), got a thin layer of fat on my breasts (can still feel it), my nipples changed (they became less sensitive but more arousing), but there are other things that changed.

On the last days of my estrogen effects i could feel other kind of feelings, i also started smiling a lot when seeing my male friends at work, i started walking differently, mood changed and girls became less important. After stopping my estrogen four months ago, i notice now changes in my brain. I used to like girls 100%, males did not attract me in any way. But now, i am attracted to males/girls like 30/70. The weirdest thing i noticed is that if i see picture of a naked girl, i like it. But if i see a photo of a naked man, i get erection almost instantly...

I dot feel attracted to men, do not look at them sexually, not at work, not at streets, do still catch eye contact with women, but if i try to watch porn or something, i catch myself enjoying males more... Is this normal? Or maybe thats just some sort of "glitch" like "something forbidden" that attracts me?

Any opinions would be very welcome.

[Natalia]

I don't believe HRT can change your sexual orientation.

Sometimes we have hidden desires and we really feel attracted to men, but and we don't allow those feelings to come to the surface because we don't want too be seem as homossexuals or we still have not accepted us as women.

I think that once we accept who we are we start accepting more our hidden desires and they emerge with more intensity.

I am walking differently and I don't know if this is some unconscious thing or if I am walking like a woman because now I accept myself as a woman. Same with being attracted to men. This attraction can be a result of you accepting who you are and being more open to other possibilities.

I can't see myself other way than as a woman on a relationship. I want to be protected and I want to have a female role in a relationship, being it sexual or not. Before accepting myself as a woman I couldn't allow this desire to flourish and I remained kind of assexual for my entire life.

I also have heard that HRT changes the way your brain works to a female pattern and even when you stop HRT your brain remains in a female pattern to a certain degree...but not that this has something to do with sexual orientation at all.