Addictive Personality: Moving From One Addiction to Another

[Danniella]

Okay...thing saying time.

Normally I am all light hearted on the forums and deflect everything with humour...cause that's what I do to get through the days tbh, the old..."If you don't laugh you'll cry thing" I guess.

But here goes for what will probably be my most raw post on these forums so far...I shall try keep the jokes to a minimal to ensure the gravitas of this comes across...(well maybe just one or two knock knock jokes around the suicide part)...SEE! SEE! THAT'S WHAT I DO! xD I can't even write that opening statement without...aaaaaaanyway >.>

So, I have a very addictive personality. I don't mean that in the way that people want to be around me all the time, that is an entierly different issue that is entierly due to me being awesome...(damnit brain)  but I mean it in the way that I can and do get VERY easily addicted to things :S

So far in my life I have been addicted to (in the following order)

• Drugs: Powerful painkillers to be exact, I lost 5 years of my life to them, as in I was so heavily doped for so long that I can't even remember that time, all I have are anecdotes from friends and family about what I did during them that I pass off as "Memories"
• Gaming: Does not sound like much, but it just about ruined my university career, complete and utter escapism from the real world into a digital one was too much to resist I guess
• Sex: Again...one of those addictions that doesn't sound like much...but when you lose friends and family, suffer health problems, and fob off once in a life opportunities, just for that third day-long sex session in a row...something has gone very, very wrong.
• Alcohol: Ah the one most people can relate to...easy to understand and the effects are obvious to even a layperson.

So...yeah...I've been through the mill a bit, and I have the mental and physical scars of my actions to carry with me. Honestly I often wonder how I am still here after all the >-bleeped-< I have put my body through :S

But here is the thing that bothers me most...I have never properly quit a single one of my addictions.

See, I have this wonderful ability to be "functional" despite whatever addiction I am currently experiencing...so I am a "Functional Drug addict"...a "Functional Alcoholic". I get to work, I pay my taxes, I smile and tell my jokes. In short, I do what society expects me to do...until nobody is looking...or at least nobody who conflicts with the realisation of my addictions.

That's why I lost 5 years of my life to drugs, and nobody even noticed I was doped up to the eyeballs day and night, or how I could do nothing but have sex for 4 days straight and nobody questioned it...

The only times I have managed to..."shake" an addiction, is when I am interrupted in my ability to enact it...then I always somehow manage to...find a new one.

We have...

• Drugs: The family member who's excess medication I was stealing moved away, so I couldn't get my fix any more
• Gaming: My computer broke...so I couldn't play games any more
• Sex: My wife left me...I can't get sex any more
• Alcohol: Well...um...yeah about that...

That's where I am now I just seem to keep moving from one addiction to the other, I haven't ever really stopped any of my addictions, and I don't know how.

I'm supposed to be starting again afresh, going out and experiencing life as a woman...but I'm concerned that in going forward with my new life, transitioning and everything onwards, that I will continue this pattern until I eventually stumble upon an addiction that kills me.

I just don't really know what to do...

See I kept a straight face for most of it! Go team super serial talk! /flex

[Vicky]

OK Hun, I am one of those whose sense of humor has taken a shift over the last 5 and a half years, as I have been in recovery with people who at one time or another have had all of your addictions, and who could probably give you some leads on new ones to try which would be no joke.  We are pretty much sure that I have a missing safety circuit in my brain, because I managed to screw up a 16 year sobriety over the silly little problem of GD.  I am quite sure you do not have an addictive personality, but rather a body that is programmed to become addicted, just as mine is. In order to break the cycle though, we need people around us who have recognized that WE ARE DIFFERENT from other people, and who are honest about needing help to overcome the addictions and desire to overcome them.

It is scary to admit we are powerless over a chemical (drugs & alcohol) or a mental processes (sex and gambling) <I hope you have accepted my apology for a slight error on the sex addiction that I posted in another thread>, but when we do and look for others who have overcome the things that are bringing us down to becoming addicted to Russian Roulette, [and yes there are addictions to suicide ideation as well] then we have a chance.  Addiction is one place we need other people since addiction is a solo game.  Even a sex addiction is only about one person in our minds although it may involve many more bodies.  (I will leave off necrophilia and its potential for some deadly humor.)

Getting into a group of people who know the Skunk Pee we are putting out and calling us on it with love and concern and not anger is important.  Some of our reasoning during addiction is a whole comic book or monologue script that in a few months of sobriety really becomes a hoot, but we now laugh at it and no longer hide behind the guffaws.  Pick one of your addictions, in fact, pick them all and find a recovery group for each one, and then get with people in recovery groups who can teach you to laugh at all the right places. 

My recovery made my then unrealized goal with GD to be attainable.  Honesty that only comes with sobriety is the direct and best route.  Please reach out to others. 

[immortal gypsy]

Unlike you or Vicky I haven't had any addiction problems but I have seen them affect my family with my uncle, and friends. So please accept some advice from someone who has seen it from the other side.
Congratulations you know that there is something wrong and you want to do something. Self denial is with us always now you just have to act.
Counseling, your GP should be able to help you out with finding a counselor that deals with addiction problems.
Tell a friend or family member that you respect and is willing to support you when you are down and show tough love when needed.  (Prepare to yell at them and be yelled at by them).
Support groups again your GP should be able to steer you in the right direction, this is where having that friend can come in handy.

Hope this is helpful it will take time so remember,
'It is not how slow you go reaching your destination as long as you do not stop' Confucius

[Vicky]

Gypsy -- I have been on your side of life as well as Danielle's and know how the stresses of family members can be a burden.  There are groups that support Co-dependents and give them an outlet that they specifically need. I hope you can go there if you need that.  Thank you for reminding us that non addicted family members, no matter at what relation they are also are deeply affected by addicts in the family.  I am primarily involved with Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Adult Children Of Alcoholics (ACA). Co-dependents Anonymous and Al-Anon are also part of the list.  If a friend is suffering from addiction of any sort, I am comfortable in their addiction recovery program "rooms" as well.  It all works if we work it.