(MTF) Letter to Mom - [Rough Draft]

[FilaFord]

So I just cried about 200 times while I was writing this and I wanted to get some feedback.  When I talked to my therapist this week, I told her that I wanted to tell my parents but that I was having a hard time getting the words to come out.  She suggested that I keep trying to write the letter that I have been working on, and then carry it with me when I tell her in person.  If anything stops the communication then I will have something to say, "Hey read this whenever you are ready and then give me a call"

Well this is that letter.  I still have two more that I am going to write for my dad and my brother...

What do I need to add (or remove)?  I'm ready to rip the bandaid off but I can't figure out how to do it. 🙁




Dear Mom,

I love you more than the fingers you gave me could ever describe in this letter.  There has never been a time in my life when I have doubted your devotion to me as a mother, a friend, or a confidant.  With that being said, it is time that I tell you the real reason that [my-wife] and I are getting divorced.  I owe an actual explanation to you, to myself, to [my-wife], and (eventually – once he is old enough to understand) to [my-son].  I've been trying to make the words come out for a while now but the time just never manifests itself in the way that I envision.

I'm transgendered.  This may come as a shock to you or you may have known it all along.  At this point I don't know which is more likely, but I know that you love me and will always be there for me so with that knowledge I ask you to please be here for me now.  I'm struggling very hard with this and I need your support.  It is not my intention to make you a crutch, and hopefully you don't feel that way but I just want to have someone that I share this with not treat me as if I am a monster.  I didn't ask for this and I wish that I could just be the happy heteronormative person that society wanted me to be but I'm not.   

I've never felt like much of a man.  Desperate to fit into the norms of society, I have tried to fill the role, but I have never succeeded.  The strange thing is that it seems easier to continue to live the lie that I have created than to just embrace the actual person that I am.  My mind is exhausted from lying to myself and society that I am a man.  I'm not a man now and I never was.  Before I was born, you were positive that you were having a girl, and 30 years later I am informing you that you were correct.   By some ill-fated cynical calamity I was born with the parts of a boy but the mind of a girl.  All of my earliest memories are me praying to God to show me that he exists by allowing me to wake up the next morning as a girl.   As you probably know, I am not a very strong believer in God these days.  I can't help but think that this apparent "non-caring" attitude by a deity led me to deny his existence, but I digress. 

There are many questions that I am sure you have, and I hope that I can answer them for you in time.  If you are reading this then I have either told you in person or I chickened out and just sent you an email.  Regardless, please know that I love you and Dad so much and I don't want this news to encumber you in any way.  I don't want for us to grow apart, but I am having a hard time being myself these days because I am too focused on how relationships will change.  This ongoing internal struggle has been literally driving me crazy and it is time for me to stop hiding behind this shell that I have created.

The other day when I was asking you about girl names, I was asking you as a daughter to her mother.  I need a new name, and I want you and Dad to have a part in that.  You say that you want to see me happy, and I know this is hard to understand, but I know this will bring me happiness. 

Love,
[Me]

[Megan Joanne]

That was so touching. I actually read it slowly (no skimming through any of it), taking it all in, feeling the words.

You know, I wanted so much for my mom to give me my female name, she wasn't able to, just couldn't think of anything and didn't think at this stage of my life that it was her right (I was giving birth to the new me, not her), but she was there for me when I had it changed to Megan.

It would be so sweet if your parents were to rename you, but that's currently just a daydream, have to see how they accept you first. However you choose to tell your mom, I hope that she will be there for you still, even if she does have a difficult time at first understanding it.

[LordKAT]

A well written letter. If it were me, the only part I would change is this.

All of my earliest memories are me praying to God to show me that he exists by allowing me to wake up the next morning as a girl.   As you probably know, I am not a very strong believer in God these days.  I can't help but think that this apparent "non-caring" attitude by a deity led me to deny his existence, but I digress. 

I would change it to: All of my earliest memories are me praying to  wake up the next morning as a girl. 

Mind you, it is just what I would do. You do as you feel is right. Leaving the God part out when that is not where you want to go seems like a good idea.

[FilaFord]

That was so touching. I actually read it slowly (no skimming through any of it), taking it all in, feeling the words.

You know, I wanted so much for my mom to give me my female name, she wasn't able to, just couldn't think of anything and didn't think at this stage of my life that it was her right (I was giving birth to the new me, not her), but she was there for me when I had it changed to Megan.

It would be so sweet if your parents were to rename you, but that's currently just a daydream, have to see how they accept you first. However you choose to tell your mom, I hope that she will be there for you still, even if she does have a difficult time at first understanding it.

I know I might just be playing the role of a blind optimist, but I don't think there is a doubt in my mind that my parents will accept me.  We are very close and they have never given me any reason to think that they would turn their backs on me.  My wife is currently pregnant and when I was discussing names with them, they kept suggesting my name in the feminine form.  It was so confusing for me because I was trying to steer the conversation into telling them that I was trans and it seemed as they were hinting to me that they knew but I couldn't just come out and say it. 

The way my family is, we will probably end up voting on a new name for me  lol (I will be making the ballot though!)

A well written letter. If it were me, the only part I would change is this.
I would change it to: All of my earliest memories are me praying to  wake up the next morning as a girl. 

Mind you, it is just what I would do. You do as you feel is right. Leaving the God part out when that is not where you want to go seems like a good idea.

Well the God part will resonate with her much more than it does with what I can convey and it comes from the heart.  When I was younger I was religious partly because it was forced on me and partly because I thought that if God was real then that was my only shot at being the girl that I desired to be.   She is was a very devout Christian who has seemingly lost her faith ever since my brother committed suicide almost 15 years ago.  I know she still believes but it is hard for her because our family has all pretty much gone atheist over the past couple of decades or just present the non-faith attitude.