advice needed

[Umiko]

this is all new to me so forgive me. i'm a non-binary but i do identify as female. does this mean i still have to have a somewhat female posture and speech pattern? also, because i wont dress up in anything other than neutral clothing, would it make full time unattainable?

[LordKAT]

You don't 'have to' do anything.

What goals do you have? What do you need to do to get there? What can you do  to ease your way there?

Do you mean to transition to female features? Fulltime as who you are is just what it says, Life is fulltime living. It is always attainable.

[Umiko]

my goal at this point is to hit the middle ground between male and female, find my balance there and eventually i will go even further with the surgery in the next couple of years once i gather my bearings. i'm planning on getting voice surgery hopefully by december. i'm just concerned that i may have to live as a female full-time (clothes, makeup, that sorts things) when clearly i highly uncomfortable unless i'm in a gender neutral attire so to speak. thats why i asked. i'll get the name change of course though

[LordKAT]

I don't think there should really be an issue of fulltime. Just live your life as yourself. If you are going for an androgynous look, getting SRS is a problem. HRT doesn't require fulltime anything, at least not here. HRT will probably bring you to the middle zone where you can feel comfortable pretty much on it's own. I could see the voice surgery maybe, why not check out some voice therapy youtube things first though. Much cheaper and for some very successful.

[Umiko]

i'm going to ease into female life thats why for now i want to go with the andro look so i dont overwhelm myself because i already have some issues i have to work out before i can make the full transition into a female. i did actually try the voice therapy. i just dont have the time needed to sit down and do it unfortunately. if i did have the time, that would be the best option. i know i would still need therapy after surgery but it would be less time plus i dont like how my adam's apple is sticking out. i try to ignore it but its doing more harm than good

[Jessica Merriman]

You have to live as your target gender 24/7 before SRS, that is a fact of life. VFS does not give you a female voice. You still have to work on it on your own. If you have no time for it VFS is a total waste of money. You need to stop and start taking things one at a time. Make a decision, see a Therapist and go from there. To me at least it sounds like you want everything right now and don't want the work that comes with it. VFS does nothing to eliminate your Adams apple, only FFS can do that. Forget surgeries for now and find out what you really want in life. 

[Umiko]

You have to live as your target gender 24/7 before SRS, that is a fact of life. VFS does not give you a female voice. You still have to work on it on your own. If you have no time for it VFS is a total waste of money. You need to stop and start taking things one at a time. Make a decision, see a Therapist and go from there. To me at least it sounds like you want everything right now and don't want the work that comes with it. VFS does nothing to eliminate your Adams apple, only FFS can do that. Forget surgeries for now and find out what you really want in life. 

no no no, lol. i'm taking my time thus why i say i'm going to ease into a female life. lol. i know the VFS wont give me my female voice. i have a pretty androgynous voice, but its rough. i want trachea shaving but if i dnt absolutely need it and i can find away to ignore my adam's apple, i wont get it. other than that, i have to take it slow, thus why i'm going to find my balance in the in-between and than from there i'll make my way into my fem life when the time comes. surgeries are from on the bottom of my list. i have to much other BS to deal with right now to think about surgeries lol

[helen2010]

this is all new to me so forgive me. i'm a non-binary but i do identify as female. does this mean i still have to have a somewhat female posture and speech pattern? also, because i wont dress up in anything other than neutral clothing, would it make full time unattainable?

IMO anything safe that makes you feel more comfortable and authentic is legimate.  Taking a slower and more cautious transition makes a lot of sense if this works best for you.   Some folk like to dive into a swimming pool while some like to slowly immerse themselves.

Certainly many cis women dress androgynously so it is a legimate expression if you currently identify and express yourself as non binary.   It is also a legimate expression if you identify and express yourself as female.

I certainly know where you are coming from.   Making conscious decisions and taking the time to choose both your path and your pace indicates, at least to me, that you are deliberately authoring and owning every step of this journey and every page of your narrative.   I think that this is a good thing. 

Safe travels

Aisla

[Umiko]

now the next pressing matter is, i've been alone long enough, but i dont know how to go about with the whole dating scene. i dont want to get in over my head but i hate being alone.

[helen2010]

now the next pressing matter is, i've been alone long enough, but i dont know how to go about with the whole dating scene. i dont want to get in over my head but i hate being alone.

... and that is where I cannot help.  Still married after 29 years I wish you all the very best.  At heart I am a romantic.  I believe that your soul mate is looking for you as well.  Its only a matter of time.

Aisla

[Jessica Merriman]

Personally I would figure out just what you want in life before complicating it with a relationship. To me you kind of go back and forth and that could be a bad time when others are involved. Only my opinion though. 

[helen2010]

Personally I would figure out just what you want in life before complicating it with a relationship. To me you kind of go back and forth and that could be a bad time when others are involved. Only my opinion though. 

Jessica

I agree if you are one of those who take one trip in life and never travel again.  There are others that like where they live, but are also interested in further travel.  Some are more fluid than others, while some are on an ongoing voyage of discovery and self expression.  In this case the journey is probably more important than the destination and if you find a fellow traveller then it is usually a real blessing.. provided that they know that you are travelling, changing and exploring.

An Indian mystic once said to me that there are three types of relationships in life - those for a reason, those for a season and those for life.  I think that being open to each type of relationship enriches your journey.

Aisla

[Emily1996]

I think you should do whatever makes you comfortable!

[Umiko]

Personally I would figure out just what you want in life before complicating it with a relationship. To me you kind of go back and forth and that could be a bad time when others are involved. Only my opinion though. 

Maybe i'm so moody and somewhat depressed is becuz of the lack of a strong foundation lol. Cant blame me, its that girl kicking in me. But still, i honestly think that taking that next leap might be good for me, but if u think i should wait, than i will. I just hate going at this alone but being as i am, things may get a little complicated. Idk, i just want to be able to cry and know its not my pillow holding me together