I guess I'm venting here, about this, because I'm kind of at the end of my proverbial rope. My last serious relationship ended in 1998. I've dated quite a bit, off-and-on, since then, but most of my dating has occurred in the past 2-3 years. For many years I thought I wanted to date men, so I dated some but most were interested in me (apparently) because I was pre-op. I only dated a couple of women while I was pre-op (SRS in 2004) and post-op I dated a few more, then in the past few years have learned that it's not men I want to be with, rather women. That makes sense, I suppose, since I was always attracted to women anyways.
The problem is, lesbian women just don't want to be with this. When it comes to telling girls about myself, I've tried it all: early on, after a fair bit of time, and everything in between. I've had a good romp with a girl who knew about me even before we met, but she was "searching" for what she wanted, which turned out not to be me. That's all well and good, I'm pretty much a go-with-the-flow kind of person, but after more rejection even after that, it makes giving a sh!t about things really hard. In fact, I'm trying like h*ll to ward off depression about it. Most days I'm alright, just another day, you know? But some times it gets to be too much and it kind of hurts. I know I'm a good person, "worthy" and all that, but I think I'm too different, too much, too far out there, or whatever, for 99.999999% of the populace to want to deal with.
Sometimes I get down and I wish I had never traveled this path in life. Granted, I probably wouldn't even be here right now had I not, but still, it's getting harder to cope with as the days pass. I just turned 48... I am no spring chicken anymore, and I can't help but think, "F**k my life... if I were still the guy I was before all this, I would have no problem finding the right girl." And that pushes me even deeper into the muck.
Anyways... that's all I wanted to say. I'm not necessarily asking for advice. I've heard it all already. Same old sh*t everyone tells you when you feel lonely and down. But if you feel like commiserating, join the party.