Chaser frustration

[solexander]

So, I'm a gay trans man, and oh boy am I fed up with trying to find guys to date.
A lot of the time, I don't wanna provoke any kind of "but you LIED" kind of response from gay men, so I try to be as open as possible about my trans status when interested in someone (although I'm stealth beyond that). However, this has created a problem for me in that all of a sudden chasers have taken an interest in me and I am... not about that. I just wanna find a nice guy who likes guys to like me, you know? I don't wanna be someone's fetish, or something they've always wanted to try, or whatever the heck. Although gay guys my age have turned out to be more openminded about it that I previously imagined, it still seems like I'm getting overwhelmed by chasers and it is SO FRUSTRATING trying to weed out nice, regular dudes from people who have no actual interest in me as a person. How do you deal with deterring/figuring out people like this from the start?

[katiej]

I'm sorry to hear about your frustrations.  Gay guys are typically all about the dong.  Which I know is not what you wanted to hear.  But if you find an open-minded gay guy, then you've probably got a keeper.

[Jill F]

Some guys are bi/pansexual and not creepy.  The best thing about them is that they tend to be more secure about who they are.  I know, a good man is hard to find, but when you find him, I wish you all the luck in the world.

[Mark3]

Best wishes.
I really believe there is someone out there for each of us, it's just a matter of time.
Just don't give up.!

[solexander]

I'm sorry to hear about your frustrations.  Gay guys are typically all about the dong.  Which I know is not what you wanted to hear.  But if you find an open-minded gay guy, then you've probably got a keeper.

Actually no, the weird part is all of the guys I've encountered who were chasers were gay!

[GnomeKid]

I might just be too far gone down the path of a life alone, but at this point I think I'd almost welcome a chaser if I was into them too.  Then again I'm not into guys.  A girl I'm at all into saying to me that she would love to date a trans man would be like a draw dropping "should we make out now or later?" kind of moment.  Ladies tend to lean a little less towards the creepy/sexual predator/use-em-and-lose-em side of the sexual world then the men do.

In reality though, people all have different likes/dislikes when it comes to dating.  Are large people just not supposed to date anyone because the person might be a "chubby chaser"?  Certainly there are different approaches to the situation, and many "chasers" are probably downright creeps just there to use you to check it off their list. I guess there are just a lot less of us so it makes it a more creepery thing?  Its just a matter, I suppose, of trying to weed those folks out.  If someone has genuine interest I don't know why I'd fault them for liking me the way I am.  Granted they don't mind that I have surgery in my future.

I will say my room mate is a gay guy who loves trans men.  Not some sort of chaser, by any means.  He just loves the queer.  He swoons over the entire spectrum from hardcore lesbian (i use the term because butch doesn't so much categorize it.. but its close) to manly cisman and everything in between. 

[supremecatoverlord]

I'm sorry to hear about your frustrations.  Gay guys are typically all about the dong.  Which I know is not what you wanted to hear.  But if you find an open-minded gay guy, then you've probably got a keeper.

I'd say outside of folks that aren't specifically looking for sex, that is far from true and anyone who doesn't want to admit that probably isn't worth dating anyway. Open-mindedness is nice, but someone should offer a lot more to the table than just being okay with him being medically transitioned.

[Illuminess]

I know a really sweet guy who comes over quite a bit, but he's also very..."typical" (Cher, Lady Gaga, a bit campy, etc). I know he's a very sexual person, but I get the vibe that that's not all he's about. We've never talked relationships, so I don't know, but he's so ridiculously kind and has this awkward adorableness that you can't help but love. This is in Texas, though.