Hurtful and my friend is awful and a bigot

[Larisa]

I am soo sick of being told who I am, what I am and it's worse when it's from someone who doesnt really know who they are. Constantly being told Im not trans and than followed by transgender people being insulted whenever the subject comes up. I get tired of it all. I explain to him how I think without calling myself trans and he either ignores it by not responding, tries to talk me out of it or compares himself to how I am and ends up looking more ignorant instead. He knows things about me and I recently told him that unlike girls, guys intimidate me pretty bad still to this day and even though Im better dealing with guys, it's still hard for me. How I dont relate to guys unlike girls. I think he takes advantage of that part of the intimidation but Im not sure.

I could write some weird list for him showcasing how I think like a girl infact It's crossed my mind just to get through to him but I dont think he would be accepting. Today, he of a long list of things Ive put up with, he finally pushed to far. He's suppose to be one of my best friends and he treats me and my family like total garbage lately. I never told anyone Im trans as I have no intention of transistioning but knowing he would never accept me shows how he really thinks. He proved that today by getting angry and yelling "Your not a women!". That right there along with soo much else he did wrong today and recently tells me if he did see me as a girl, Id be scared to be around him. This all sounds jumbled but it's been a very tough day dealing with this jerk.

What he did to my mom just makes it worse and he's offended me in almost every area today and recently. Him trying to say he think similar to me when it comes to the girl thing is offensive to me since I can see he's just saying it to manipulate or something but he's not being honest. I know how feeling like a girl is, he doesnt. He's just a macho jerk now. He's tried to force me to do what he wants when hey Im a person and can make my own choices. When I bring up something and he doesnt like it, he changes subject. He thinks his problems are more important than mine ever. He basically treats me like Im a dumb girl without realizing he's treating me like a dumb girl. There's more to it and it just stresses me out. Makes me want to cry. Im sorry this is soo long but I needed to vent somehow. There is even more to this story as it's alot more

[mrs izzy]

I think venting is a good thing.

I would also suggest to take a break from this friend.

Sometimes we need to put ones we like it care about in time out.

Relax and breathe.

You are you period.

Hugs

[Jill F]

Life's too short to waste it with d-bags.

I would stop wasting my time with this one.  I think I would rather be alone than around him.

Hugs,
Jill

[Ms Grace]

Time from a vacation, possibly permanent, from that guy. Friends are meant to be friendly, it's the principle requirement of the job. He is failing you on all counts by the sound of it.

[TheQuestion]

Time from a vacation, possibly permanent, from that guy. Friends are meant to be friendly, it's the principle requirement of the job. He is failing you on all counts by the sound of it.

sounds about right

[Larisa]

Thanks guys! I might just take sometime away from him. I get very hurt by his vicious hateful and ignorant comments. He says he hates a friend of his who he actually knows is trans for many reasons and while I get one reason of his, he expresses it in a vile way. I can't stand to hear it and so I avoid it often. No Im not doing hrt or any transitioning of sorts but it's for personal reasons and such that no one knows Im trans but I know he wouldnt support me if I did. It's offensive to me but If I told him it offends me, he would act like some macho guy about it deflecting, ignoring or insult trans people.

I chose not to transition but I didnt choose to have a girl/boy brain and his attitude if he knew would be I wasnt born this way, I chose to be this way. He felt that way about his other friend basically. It just makes being trans soo much tougher for me. He's tried to talk me out of how I think to before and tell me how I think or feel.

[TheQuestion]

Taking some time away from him may be best; he may come to realize what he's lost.  If he's a true friend then he'll realize that.

[Larisa]

It's not healthy at all anymore as he came by tonight. He made excuses to me and along with soo much bad not trans related, he still doesnt get it. He acted like he never yelled at me saying Im not a women and wouldnt even talk on that. He deflected if I brought it up. He wouldnt directly apologize when I told him his trans bashing really hurt me. He had to dance around that.

He than went onto like wanting a competition about how he thought like a girl again because he said he had 3 sisters which 2 are psycho by the way than he said I got 5 daughters so I know what it's like to be a girl. He said that he is one of the most knowledgeable about girl thinking. Wow your ego just sickens me horribly!! Now he's proving straight up how much he doesnt understand girls. He already proved it with what he did to my family, mostly my mom 2 days ago and beyond with me. He doesnt know what it's like to think like a girl or struggle with a boy body and a girl/boy brain. He doesnt know. He than got mad at me when I just acted like this seems to me like he wants to compete or something like I was attacking him which I wasnt.

He has no idea how I struggle with being trans. He has no idea the sadness Ive gone through and the confusion Ive felt of who am I before. He's never felt sad seeing a girl before and being like why wasnt I born her. It's tough writing this without feeling angry and sad more and more. He's a total bigot about trans people.

He than told me Im one of the most hetro guys he's ever met. That right there told me he has no idea what being trans means. He's ignorant and yes in the past Ive tried to explain what trans means but he never paid attention even with his friend who went through hrt who he has badmouthed about to me before. He has some kinda deep hate against trans people.

The friendship is soo very damaged and I dont think there is much hope. He has decided to not talk to me for now much and Im thinking this is a good idea kind of as he's not being a good friend. I just wish he had not come by tonight to talk.

[Pikachu]

*hugs*

Honestly, he doesn't sound like someone I'd want as a friend.

[Rainbow Brite]

Yea. You deserve better. Surround yourself with better friends who are more positive, supportive and have your back.

[amber roskamp]

im sorry hun. it really sucks when your friends are not supportive, and it when they are constantly hurtful it is best to just stop spending time with them. stay strong! you will find more supportive and kind hearted people to be your friend

[suzifrommd]

Hugs Larisa. Always a sad thing when friends need to distance themselves, but having a toxic person in your life is not worth it.

Stay strong, sister.

[MelissaAnn]

Oh Larisa sweetie, true friends are accepting of who you are. Never ever feel the need to keep someone like that in your life. He sounds like he is very insecure with himself and can't understand anybody else's problems because he doesn't understand himself. He sounds like a bully to me and I wouldn't want to be around him.

You have a whole big family here that support you and want to see you happy. Are you seeing a therapist to lean on? I wish you nothing but the best of luck on your journey and my the angles always be looking upon you on your path pumpkin.

Hugs,

Melissa Ann

[Dee Marshall]

Hugs, Larisa!

Seems like a real PITA. Just one thing. Never try to justify yourself with a list of "I do or think this, so I'm trans". It just gives them something to nitpick a step at a time and convinces them of nothing. People like that don't want to be convinced. Real friends will either say, "I may not like it, but I support you anyway", or "wow, now it all makes sense".

[SonadoraXVX]

You need to cut this male alpha dog from your life Larissa, I cut mine out. Former force recon, Army MP iraq vet, and a supposed combat veteran(ie. a combat veteran to me, is somebody who trades accurate fire with the enemy) zero Mofo, im right your wrong YOU E4, im like whaaaaa?, especially when I admitted I'm a ->-bleeped-<-? OMG, you gonna be ugly and HAVE Frodo hands and feet, EWE/YOU PUMPKIN HEAD, LOL, dont bother me now. If he or she competes with you, your probably dealing with a alpha type of personality and especially when its about them and your input don't mean nothing or wrong, most definitely.

So snip snip that friendship Larissa.

[Asche]

Never try to justify yourself with a list of "I do or think this, so I'm trans". It just gives them something to nitpick a step at a time and convinces them of nothing. People like that don't want to be convinced. Real friends will either say, "I may not like it, but I support you anyway", or "wow, now it all makes sense".

This +10.

begin{rant}
Even if (purely for the sake of argument), we assume you're "wrong" -- that a (hypothetical) unbiased omniscient expert on trans-ness would conclude you are not trans -- what's it to him, anyway?  Who is harmed by simply going along with your assessment of whether you are male or female inside?  Will the world come to an end because one primate thinks they're female even though they are "really" (whatever that means) male?  Since when did friendship mean that proving you're right is more important than being kind and decent?
end{rant}

[Sandy74]

I am so sorry that your friend is being a d bag, thought telling people who you really are is really brave of you. I have told a few friends and my mother than I am TG and they have been cool so far but I am sure down the road I will have someone that will try and make me feel like crap for being this way but I don't think this is a choice for any of us and that this is who and what we are. I am ready for the people that won't be supportive and I am okay with that even though it hasn't happen yet. I belong to a few gay forums (because I am gay) and they say that its sad that I want to be a woman when I am such a good looking guy but I think its more than just what is on the outside and its more of whats on the inside and what you are dealing with, yet that is just my opinion. Find another friend and leave that guy and find someone who will be more supportive of who you really are. Just my two cents.

[TheQuestion]

they say that its sad that I want to be a woman when I am such a good looking guy

I've read a lot of your posts Sandy, and let me say; respect from me to you.  My mother is having an issue with that one, my whole family really.  I'm almost having a tough time myself.  I am pretty good looking as a guy, probably even handsome... actually, I know I'm handsome.  I've had pics of myself on here and I look OK, but I tend to look strange in photos; I'm not photogenic.  I'm better looking in person.  Part of me is afraid of throwing away a perfectly good looking male apperence with not knowing how I'll look as a woman. 

I'd say your right though.  Regardless of how badly I wish I could be a regular guy or how little of a chance I feel that I have to pass as a woman, I just can't shake the thoughts.  I really don't think it's a choice.  I mean, what  you do about it is your choice, but the feelings that get you there are not.

[Larisa]

Thanks you guys for your support all of you!! Ive cut ties with him for basically forever. I contacted him this morning and I was assertive with him and he still tries to turn it on me and there is sooo much non trans related on this that he has done wrong. It's almost 6 years of friendship which is gone and makes me sad but it makes me sad like he's turned on me. Im better not around him. All I want him to do is man up and say sorry and accept his wrongdoings and take responsibility for what he has done. He wont do that and knowing Im trans and how he feels about transgender people, he couldnt accept me if he knew and I can't tolerate his bigotry and ignorance. Im finished with him. I deserve real friends and he's no friend.

[Pikachu]

*warm huggles*

You're a very sweet girl and you deserve friends who will treat you so much better than he did, sis.