Parents Arguing About Me

[2fish]

So, I started T Nov. 10, 2014. I'm on a super low dose and my voice dropped within a week. One parent claims to know that I am on T for sure and keeps telling the other parent. But that parent is in denial about the entire thing. I have not come out as trans and no one has bothered to ask me about any of this. Yet, they keep arguing about it with each other. I know that they are arguing because of my younger sibling who hears every time they fight about me and told me about the fights going on when I'm not around. I'm of legal age.

The parent that thinks I'm on T assumes that I have been on it for about 2-3 months and that I am now showing signs of the changes, but in fact, I just started on the 10th and the changes are happening quickly.

I think its silly for them to argue about me when I'm not around. Assuming things is wrong. I mean, if they really want to know all they have to do is ask. Right.

Because one parent is in serious denial, I can't bring myself to come out to them. I don't want to upset them, but at the same time...it's difficult. I mean I don't hide being trans at all. I just haven't said anything and no one has bothered to ask me about it or the things that I do. Like binding, voice changes, not shaving my legs, pits, My T is in a safe place that no one can get to it. My legal/doctor paperwork is not hidden but rather just in a drawer that is easily accessible . I'm happy that they haven't gone through my things, but like seriously..this is just crazy. I mean, all this speculation and no one has bothered to just come up and ask me anything. It's seriously frustrating. My family works closely with the company that I work for and like, parents ask them things instead of me. Of course no one has told them anything.

Went I came out as liking women years ago, things did not go so well. My parents made it "safe" for me to come out to them but then when they finally had it out of me they went ape sh*t on me. Like WOW! So this time, I've been doing whatever I need to do to just be happy without telling them anything. I just have no idea what to do or think about any of this stuff.

Forgot to mention: The parent that thinks I am transitioning is currently not speaking to me. It's been 5 months. The moment they realized I was trans they stopped speaking to me.

My only concerns about this is that:

1. They may think that I am getting it illegal which I'm not, I have my letter for T, and scripts from my doctor.

Does anyone have any input for me. I'm seriously just going nuts. lol

Thanks

[suzifrommd]

Two possible options:

Option 1: Might be time to put the cards on the table. Misinformation flourishes in the absence of information. Can't imagine that the truth would be less upsetting than conjectures, but either way, you cannot control whether they are upset. That's up to them.

Option 2: You can also decide to stop caring about what they think.

Which of these is better depends upon you and your precise relationship with your parents, so I can't really give you much guidance on which to chose.

[KimSails]

Sorry you are going through that. I would tend to agree with Suzi's option 1. -- unless you have concerns about your physical safety or ending up kicked out and homeless.

They, or at least one of them, already suspect something close to the truth (being on T). It's only going get more obvious. I would think it would be better for you to approach them in an adult manner rather than wait for them to get more and more upset and then they end up approaching you in an emotional and accusatory manner.

Regardless of what you do, I wish you best

Kim

[Clhoe G]

Sounds bad.

Back when I came out n I was living at home, my mum took it well, but my younger but bigger then me brother became quite violent towards me n I ended up having to move, but I had near no money n no where to go, but I had a hotel voucher with a travel agent, so I used that n stayed in a hotel for 4 days then I lived in a backpackers for 2½ months, but I got kicked out for smoking in my single room, after that my mum ended up getting me in to the hotel she works at for 3 months, till I finally got an apartment through government housing, after being on the at risk of homelessness list, n wow it's a nice apartment.

that being said I would recommend that you have a nice wod of cash in your pocket before you tell em if you still live at the family home.  Not to scare you or anything, it just doesn't always go down well, but you've got to do what's best for you.

[2fish]

Sounds bad.

Back when I came out n I was living at home, my mum took it well, but my younger but bigger then me brother became quite violent towards me n I ended up having to move, but I had near no money n no where to go, but I had a hotel voucher with a travel agent, so I used that n stayed in a hotel for 4 days then I lived in a backpackers for 2½ months, but I got kicked out for smoking in my single room, after that my mum ended up getting me in to the hotel she works at for 3 months, till I finally got an apartment through government housing, after being on the at risk of homelessness list, n wow it's a nice apartment.

that being said I would recommend that you have a nice wod of cash in your pocket before you tell em if you still live at the family home.  Not to scare you or anything, it just doesn't always go down well, but you've got to do what's best for you.

Thanks for response. I do have some money put away in case of an emergency.

[2fish]

Two possible options:

Option 1: Might be time to put the cards on the table. Misinformation flourishes in the absence of information. Can't imagine that the truth would be less upsetting than conjectures, but either way, you cannot control whether they are upset. That's up to them.

Option 2: You can also decide to stop caring about what they think.

Which of these is better depends upon you and your precise relationship with your parents, so I can't really give you much guidance on which to chose.

Thanks...I'm liking option 2...and a little of 1 but I don't think I'm ready to put the cards on the table just yet. My name change court hearing is coming up. I'll wait until after then to do say something. Thank you!

[2fish]

Sorry you are going through that. I would tend to agree with Suzi's option 1. -- unless you have concerns about your physical safety or ending up kicked out and homeless.

They, or at least one of them, already suspect something close to the truth (being on T). It's only going get more obvious. I would think it would be better for you to approach them in an adult manner rather than wait for them to get more and more upset and then they end up approaching you in an emotional and accusatory manner.

Regardless of what you do, I wish you best

Kim

I'd like to approach them for sure, let them know what is going on, but they don't make things easy. I always found it hard to talk to them. Anytime I told them something serious they would respond in anger, never violent, just anger. I do have money in case of an emergency.

[Luna Star]

I hear ya..., my parents do the same. For example, today growing my hair out is a bad thing and etc etc. They know about it though and are semi-supportive. My plan generally how selffish it may sound is: Ride on their backs as long as I can when it comes to medical and school bills...
But whatever you do try to save up as much you can...

If they accept it, you got some cash to play with and transition is expensive.

If they don't then you got a fund for yourself that helps you further...

Good luck

[Bimmer Guy]

If I were living in my parents' house and was transitioning I would feel a familial obligation to tell them.  Why do they need to come to you?  You taking a serious medical step which will alter your body and I assume they care about you.  Even if you are 18 years old, you live in their home and I assume they pay for some things for you (the water that washes your clothes, the salt shaker in the kitchen you use, etc).  They are a part of your life and you are doing some serious medical intervention under their roof.  I think you have a responsibility to tell them.  I think telling them will also be seen as you being assertive and taking charge of your life, while laying things around the house for them to find is a passive approach.  Which way do you want to be perceived?