Short, Chubby, and Pantsless

[.Jakob.]

Hi everyone! I was gone for a really long time because, long story short, I lost someone very important to me and fell uber depressed and that person was a big part of my transition so I just kind of dropped the whole thing. I declared myself as genderqueer knowing that it didn't totally make me happy but was enough for awhile. I kind of over-compensated being girly trying to push my identity back hoping I'd get comfortable as a girl, deciding it was for the best. But that didn't work, which isn't surprising. So I'm back and excited to meet friends who can keep me on the right path if I try to push away my problems again! Yay?!

But first, I need to get some clothes. I tried going pants shopping and it ended pretty terribly. The jeans I got aren't baggy, just ridiculously big. I'm short at 5' 3" but I am super heavy, around 250+ pounds. The other problem (or maybe it's not a problem?) is I have an "apple shape", which means I carry most of my weight in my belly and have a smaller waist/legs. I realize that the best way to fix this is to lose weight but it's not really something I can change, it's really just how I am and have been my whole life.

I have no idea how to wear jeans. I have always had trouble with women jeans too so this isn't surprising for me. I wear a 46" in mens and that's when they go to my belly button. I have no idea if wearing jeans on my hip would help since I worry that my thighs are bigger than my waist. (It's hard to explain. Basically the fat on my thighs are on the front of my thighs near the top? I have no idea how else to explain it...) The other problem is the legs. 46" waist is difficult to find and I've accepted that I am going to have to cut/hem the pants due to my height, but the legs are way too wide that they're not baggy, they're just awkwardly big. I haven't tried slim because I've heard to stay away from them and for some reason they're more difficult to find in my size than just regular-cut.

I've seen posts about other guys who have trouble with pants because they're short, but their issues were always the opposite of mine (super skinny and/or wider hips). I haven't found a post about being short and being big or with a big belly and no hips. So I was just curious if other guys have similar problems and what you've found works the best or any other general things that may help. (I typically wear about a 22/24 in womens if that helps but I don't think it will. Just putting it there in case anyone had "women" jeans that would fit like guy jeans.)

[Alexthecat]

Try some Wrangler jeans in straight cut. Go to a fitting room and try them sitting at different parts of your hips, find what feels right.

[strapping_young_lad]

I'm sorry to hear about your recent loss. I hope you are coping a bit better. It's always hard when you loose someone, especially when you are close.

As for jeans. I'm not sure if this helps (I am slim and kind of short-ish), but maybe you could look for boyfriend jeans in the women's section? They are somewhat baggier and look quite androgynous. Or if you are handy-ish with a sewing machine hemming jeans would be a good start and maybe trying to take with width of the legs in to make them look less awkwardly big? You could try looking for a slim-fit, but then I would advise you to go to a store to ensure they do fit. I don't know where you live, but maybe there is a store nearby that sells clothing for bigger people? Otherwise try there if possible.

I'm sorry I can't be more help. I'm kind of the opposite of you. I have trouble finding clothes that are small enough, but that's why there's a boy-section I guess.

[Jak]

I write this as someone who gave up wearing jeans as they added too many pounds, but that said... re men's jeans (e.g., Levi, Lee, Wrangler) look for styles that are labeled "Loose Fit" rather than Relaxed, Slim, Boot Cut, etc. They are more generous. The shortest length I have found is 30" which is probably a bit too long for you, but hemming is pretty simple and cheap if you don't want to do it yourself. As for women's, I have found that the Lee brand for women (e.g., 20W, not just 20, etc.) with a regular style waistband, but with some stretch, are pretty decent and don't look to "gendered" unless someone examines the direction of the fly opening. I have short legs and the length works for me, without going to Petite - for which you have to pass up the "W" cut. I don't know if you're near a Kohl's, but they carry them and they're often on sale. Target also has a loose cut Wrangler "carpenter jean" that's pretty generous. There's no doubt that buying clothes when one is overweight is, imho, a huge pain in the a**, especially when one would prefer to buy men's clothing! Good luck!

[FTMax]

The only plus I can list here for women's jeans is that they often seem to be more elastic-y in the stretchy bits (hips/waist/thighs/inner thigh) than men's jeans. Not sure if that's something that is structurally engineered in there or what. Either way, mens or womens jeans, Target is my favorite.

Unfortunately, pants for shorties like us are difficult to come by. I wear either a 34x28 or a 36x28 (or 30 if I absolutely can't find a 28) and they are super difficult to find in store. I strongly recommend going into whatever clothing store you're comfortable in and trying on a bunch of different sizes, cuts, and brands. While you're there, get as much information off the tags as you can from the ones that fit that you like (brand, sizes, cut, etc.). Buy whatever you can afford, and then go online and bookmark those products. Whenever you've got extra cash laying around, instead of going into the store and getting sucked into the retail vortex, just head to that bookmarked link and buy another pair of jeans.

[Tysilio]

Jakob, I'm sorry for your loss, and glad that you're able to move forward again.

As to the jeans -- when you find some you like and that aren't too small anywhere, you might consider going to a tailor and having them professionally shortened and taken in. That would make a huge difference to how they fit you, and a good tailor should also be able to make some suggestions about what type of fit will be most flattering, what styles in other clothes might work for you, etc.

Tailoring is surprisingly inexpensive -- where I am, having a pair of pants hemmed runs $10-$12 (well worth it, considering how long it would take me to do just a half-assed job). And there's no need to feel self-conscious about having him or her work on men's clothing for you; if it comes up, just say "This is what I like to wear, and I want it to fit the way it's supposed to."