What do I do if I become homeless?

[perrystephens]

I'm 17 and every time I try to bring up trans* issues to my mom (the most open-minded person in my family), she gets really transphobic and starts to rant. Most of the rest of my family are pretty strict about their southern baptist christian beliefs. At the moment i have $200 saved up and can't find a regular job. I have about 10 months before I turn 18 and it's probably going to be at least a few months before I have the courage to come out and even if they don't kick me out when I'm 18, I don't think I will be comfortable living with them. I've thought about running away but i have no idea what i'd do or where i would go. i just really want out of this house, possibly before i'm 18 and i don't think i'll have much of a choice once i come out. I'll try to at least come out first but i want to be well-prepared in case i do have to leave. If it comes to that, what do I do?

[Brenda E]

Homelessness is a last resort.

If you have a roof over your head, and if you're physically safe there, then stay until you're better prepared to leave.  I know, I know, it's so hard to hide the trans stuff, but provided you're not at risk of self-harm because you're repressing your gender identity, then I can't urge you strongly enough to wait.

It's not a perfect situation, but if you're homeless, jobless, insuranceless, you'll find it a thousand times more difficult to transition.  Being homeless is unpleasant, often dangerous, and generally a stressful and miserable way to live your life. 

When you turn 18, you're in charge of your own medical care.  You control your own therapy, your own medications, the whole lot, and your parents don't need to know.

Please, think about this long and hard.  Running away should be a last resort.  Leaving home without a means to support yourself is also inadvisable.

Sorry to not be able to offer you a solution to your horrible situation, but don't make it worse.  Transition isn't a race, and most of us can keep our feelings inside for just that little bit longer (or find ways to work around them in private) until we're able to branch out on our own.

Best wishes.

[jojoglowe]

Brenda has some good points. I'd like to add that nowadays, $200 is pocket change. Not only is it not much, there's a good chance someone might take it from you if you're living outside.

I'd highly recommend waiting it out at least until you are 18. It is very hard to get a job as a minor, and many places have laws that limit the amount of hours minors can work. I would recommend getting a job, as it will keep your mind off of your problems and you'll make money that you can save up for transition. Your family will most likely respect you more once you start bringing in money to support yourself.


If your parents are trans-phobic, you might want to skip out on coming out to them, it's their loss! Instead, maybe just come out to a few close friends.

Are you planning to go to college/university? You might want to research how lgbtq friendly different colleges and cities are. For example, if you went to a college in a small town, you might not have as good as a time compared to one in a larger, lgbtq friendly city.

You've got many years ahead of you, and a little patience goes a long way. In the meantime, you can escape your home-life by working a job, or even exploring the inner world inside of your mind (meditation).

[FriendsCallMeChris]

Here's huge prayers that you don't become homeless.   Covenant House has locations scattered across the US. If you can get to one, they will take you in.  If you are in Atlanta, there is a place called Lost-n-Found Youth where you can go.  I might be able to find more options if/when you need them depending upon what area you can get to.

Ditto on hanging in there.  That sounds like your best option unless--  If there is physical abuse, tell a trusted teacher or principal.  Keep telling them until someone listens.
Good luck,
Chris

[stephaniec]

definitely  try to avoid homelessness

[tracy176]

Wells i can say i have been there, I recommend getting a job as fast as possible  when I came out I was given the boot at 17 luckily I had a job and a friend's house to live at , since then my relationship with my parents is good now it just takes time in these situations but supporting yourself in a safe environment should always be your first priority , saving up for transition isn't easy I just had to start from scratch it's been five years with four more togo

[Brenda E]

If your parents are trans-phobic, you might want to skip out on coming out to them, it's their loss!

This is an oft-overlooked point, but very important.  As jojoglowe correctly highlights, you don't have to come out to your parents.  There is no rule whatsoever that says you have to come out to anybody, least of all anyone who might wish you harm (mental or physical) by coming out.

Come out first to those who you know (or are 99% sure) will support you.  Everyone else, screw them.

Excellent point, jojoglowe.

[Ms Grace]

There is some great advice here. When I decided to transition in 1989 I knew that there was no way I'd be telling my folks until I was not only not living with them but not until I  was fairly well along in the process. You're not obligated to tell them at this point especially if you aren't going to get any support or be allowed to be yourself anyway. As others have said, homelessness is a last resort. Transition is hard enough without adding that to the mix.

[Ayden]

Others have already given some great advice and a lot of it is what I would have said myself. I would like to add my own personal experiences.

When I left home I was 16. Trans issues were present, but there was a lot of other things in my house that made it toxic for me. I was not able to become emancipated so I had to just be a runaway. I went nearly 3,000 miles away and moved in my boyfriend. I look back now and I realize how insanely lucky I was. Had my sweetie been a different man, I could have been seriously hurt or even dead. While I wasn't homeless, I was very, very poor. For nearly two years I was underweight and hungry because it took almost all of our money to keep a roof over our heads and the heat on. I did have a job, but due to labor laws I wasn't able to work a full 40 hours and I could qualify for minimum wage.

My story thankfully has a happy outcome, but I would never recommend leaving an otherwise safe house to try and make it on your own with nothing. I know it's hard. I wasn't strong enough to deal with what I was being subjected to. At times I wish I had been because that extra year to work and save would have made my life so much easier. I do think that it cured me of being an immature child, but there were some very difficult times and a lot of nights that I went to sleep freezing and hungry because my partner needed to work the next day so he got more of the food.

As for coming out to your folks; you don't have to. I told my mother 2 years into transition after I had had the worlds longest "cold" and my father.... He still knows nothing. My partners parents don't officially know even though they probably figured something was going on. Never come out when you are not sure if you will be safe. It's hard to keep this inside but you have to protect yourself.

If you do think that you will be kicked out and left homeless, look into youth shelters. Come here and ask for information. I know that many of us here, myself included, would be happy to help you find places you can go.