hellooo

[Steph McAlea]

Hi everyone. I'm new here.
To be honest, I'm also a little frightened. At 17 I felt I knew what I wanted. I was cross dressing in private and slowly progressing along the road to changing my gender. However, I started seeing a woman and threw out all my clothes in case she found them.

I put the person I felt was the real me into a small box in the back of my mind through fear. Its now thirty years later and a recent suicide attempt has shown I cant keep the lid on anymore. Girlfriends have come and gone and my sexual preferences haven't really changed. I don't find men attractive and love women but my personality is definitely female. I'm unsure if I will ever go all the way with surgery but my recent ex saved my life by listening to me sob and cry out in desperation. She is helping me by listening and says she will come with me if I ever want to go shopping for clothes (I'm a way off that emotionally yet).

Sorry if these means I'm not like a legit transgender person or something but this is brand new to me. The idea of feminisation through hormones sounds fine for me but as a diabetic with high blood pressure my doctor night not allow it.

I want to 'pass' desperately but I think id have to move home as my neighbourhood is a little transphobic I think. I'm also going to have to lose a lot of wait too I guess. I'm eager for any advice you can give me.

Steph xx

[V M]

Hi Steph 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Here's some quick links to help you along

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Hugs

V M

[Steph McAlea]

Thank you! I have read and absorbed them.

[mrs izzy]

Welcome Steph to Susan's family

It's not easy walking this path but it can be walked.

Lots to read here and posts to make.

Hugs

[Jill F]

Congrats for finding us!   There are quite a few of us here with diabetes and high blood pressure, and some of us have even put up better numbers after starting HRT.   It is best to get as healthy as one can before starting HRT though, and sometimes a gender transition is what motivates us to adopt more healthy lifestyles.

Hugs,
Jill

[LauraSpiral]

Welcome, Steph <3 I'm currently younger than you, I'm 19, but I know how you feel. I'm lesbian too, and my current girlfriend isn't happy with the way I crossdress. I can't ever tell her about the real, female, me, or I'd lose her. I've always had a female personality, even now, and I've always had female friends, always felt closer to females. I've always felt I wanted to be female too, but I've grown up in a family which new or different is bad, and live with the status quo. So I have always pushed in the back as well.

This website has been such an eye opener for me, and has helped me so much, I'm really hoping this helps you. We're always here for you if you need us, love <3

[jeni]

Hi Steph,

I am really sorry to hear about your troubles, but I think it's wonderful that you're taking steps to acknowledge the gender feelings you have been hiding for so long.

You sound like a totally legit transgender to me, btw. There's no "right" way to be tg, after all. I think you're in the right place!

I'm new to this, both the site and to acceptance of my own gender (as in, a few weeks ago I'd have looked at you funny if you'd told me I'd be on a forum like this). Bear that in mind when you read my advice, but I still think it's fair advice. I would suggest taking things like talk of HRT (etc) a bit slowly at first, learn about what it involves, what it does and doesn't do, etc. Figure out, at least roughly, where you want to go, and that will help you decide what to do next.

Also, please find help after your suicide attempt. Please.

[Devlyn]

Hi Steph, welcome to Susan's Place! This place is a goldmine of information and friends,  get busy posting and I'll see you around the forums. 

Hugs, Devlyn