As the title states, there are no gifts under the tree for me this year with my name on it. I didn't come out to my parents, but they found out that I am currently medically transitioning. I'm 6 weeks on T. I've been binding 6 months and my mother saw me throw away all my female clothes. My mother told me a day or two ago that she didn't know what to get me for Christmas this year. I told her that a gift card would be perfect since I'd love to go shopping for myself. Although she had a smile on her face when she told me this, I could see how lost she really was. I know that every year she struggles to find something that looked male but was from the "ladies" section. This year, I think is her breaking point. My parents, although they know I'm trans, have not come up to me to tell me that they know or asked me about it directly. I bravely put everything on the line and decided that transition was the only way for me to continue living. My mother has not treated me any different, but I can see the struggle in her eyes. If this year, I do indeed receive a gift card, I would consider it a great step for my mother. It would be like her saying, here, I trust that you will make the right choices for yourself as you have been doing these past few months. My mother never gives gift cards on Christmas or Birthdays. She doesn't even give us money. It's like her rule. lol Tonight we will be exchanging gifts. I am a bit nervous. This could be the night that me being trans comes up. I'm not sure if I'm prepared to face them head on. It could go well or it could be a complete disaster.
Before this day, my brother told me a story. My parent's were shopping at Victoria's Secret. My mother was looking at some perfume sets and goes, this would be great for the kids, my dad looked at her and was like, what kids, she said, the girls. My dad looked at her and said, both of them? She stopped, looked at him and made a face. My dad and brother were laughing at her since she had forgotten that I was transitioning. She got a little upset and continued to shop around the store. My brother know's I'm trans and so does my sister. I have both of their support. I couldn't bring myself to tell my parents. I tried, but I just couldn't get the words out. I keep thinking back to when I was younger and came out as liking girls. It didn't go so well. I didn't want to relive that time period. So, I started to transition without telling them.
If I receive nothing for Christmas this year, I would not feel sad. This year I gave myself a gift. I went back to school. I think that this is the greatest gift I could have ever given myself.
All kinds of comments are welcomed.
